Chewing On Glass…

Moving like you have someplace to be
Speeding up to stay right in place
Moving like you have someplace better to be
It’s called grid lock because we all do
We’re all stuck because we are the problem
I know you have to know better
Moving around like you have someplace to be
Speeding up to stay right in place
Did you ever stop to think that maybe
Being here isn’t where any of us want to be?
Of course not…
You’ve got somewhere more important to be
Sitting right here next to me…

I put too much pressure on the way I used to be…

There’s no easier way to say this
This life wasn’t built upon much else
Jerking off into a stream of ecstasy
These drugs aren’t changing anything
Well… keep taking them
All this money isn’t changing anything
Well… keep spending it
Haven’t you heard others need to live
Guilt stricken and you wish you were dead
Grief isn’t a motivator to move forward
This sickness isn’t enough to want to live
Oh… well…pick yourself up… do it again…
Haven’t you heard others are trying to live
This trickle down piss stream
Isn’t working and a storm is coming
Yeah, okay. You couldn’t find your asshole
With a flashlight and your head stuck in it
You are aware… good to know
That you don’t have to do anything
To make everything so much worse
If I’m not mistaken that’s the point
Of doing nothing to begin with
We can’t even get fucking up right
What made us think we had any rights?
No one bothered to read the fine print
Because no one bothered to read in the first place
The narrative was too bleak to make sense
What kind of person volunteers to lead the stupid?
Couldn’t pay me enough to shit in my own hands
Why did you think I was willing to catch yours?
How much do you have to hate yourself
To want to believe we could be more than we could be?
A little fart in the wind
That’s about all we hope to receive
If were lucky this shit storm
Will pass us by long enough to live
But I wouldn’t count on it

I’m not gay, but there’s something about a young Willem Defoe…

Days go by and the names fade away
Memories not repeating doesn’t mean
They didn’t happen in the scheme of things
Too many days go by to remember them all
Memories fade to the thought of what
They were… to you… to me…
Holding back nothing ever saved much face
Turn around they say and face the day
So much better to let it all fade away
Tangled up and who knew
It didn’t matter either way?
It’s a fool’s errand to believe in God
But it’s a fool’s errand to believe
That it would even matter in the first place
So I’ll see you if I see you
Best of luck with whatever it is
You think you believe in
It’s all going to fade away too soon anyways

That’s it for this cycle… maybe I’ve already said that?… not sure… Doesn’t matter and we will all be fine… There is plenty of context to be found… but the truth is… this was just the last of my notes for this cycle… I guess I could speed run through them for you…

Broken Thought 1: Traffic sucks because every asshole on the road is trying to get three inches closer to nowhere… The exit is closed… there is construction everywhere… we are all trying to figure out what is going on in real time… you sneaking in from the side isn’t helping to solve anything… Feel like there is something more there… More answers than solutions… But a deeper issue than we have time to address right now…

Thought Break 1: Seems pretty straight forward…

Broken Thought 2: I’m not on drugs… but maybe I should be?… This one took the most reworking… Passed on this one pretty early in the cycle… Mostly because it was too long and disjointed… and it is still too long and now even more disjointed… Society… reflections of a society… played pretty heavy as an undercurrent for this cycle… Couldn’t possibly think of an orange reason why… and I can’t say it won’t play a part in the next one… or the one after that… In a sense society and the reflections of have always played a part in how I feel about most things… I really need to learn to tune out all this god damn noise…

Thought Break 2: Check out To Live and Die in L.A. and then pass judgement…

Broken Thought 3: This was another one that I passed on… Later in the cycle… for reasons that seemed important at the time… It also took some reworking and a lot of new lines… Originally… or the core of what it was supposed to mean… However, you want to look at it… it was about Dementia and my grandmother’s passing… Pretty obvious in the first couple of lines… with that context… But then I really thought about it… Thought about how any and all of us deal with this on an everyday basis… with or without dementia… Thought about how everything in our lives feels so damn important… but then you stop to think… and realize there is so much that we just forget… names… faces… places we’ve been… everything is so damn important… but is it really?… Whether it is or isn’t… in the scheme of things… it will all be gone too soon anyways… and to me that is more upsetting than whatever it is that upset me in the first place… Don’t get me wrong there is plenty of shit to be upset about… More than there really needs to be to be honest… Yeah, the asshole is trying to get ahead of you in line… society is always trying to strangle itself with stupidity… I had a fleeting man crush on Willem Defoe… but unless someone wastes their time writing this shit down… You aren’t going to remember this shit anyway… Maybe the society stuff… but even then… What was 2003 like?… I remember it not being good… but not even close to how things feel now… Doesn’t matter… point is… the little things… let the little things go… I think that was my point…

There it is… an end of a cycle… Normally I take a break and go mope about whatever… But this time I am doing something different… Pushing on through and keeping the momentum going… Pushing on the cracks harder… Chewing on the glass with conviction… Really over selling the fact that I will be back in two days… Hope all is well…