Chewing On Glass…

I hope it burns
Until the skin is gone
I hope it all goes away
Until there’s nothing left
I hope it all fades away
Until the dusts all gone
I hope it hurts
Until the point you can’t hang on
I hope it all goes away
Until there’s nothing left
Realizing now
That I was born to feel this way
Under the conditions given to me
Giving into nature
If this was built to last
Your bull shit god would will it so
I guess you could say
Mysteries are less about what you know
And more about what you believe
I get it now… even if no one else does

I can no longer carry this burden you’ve left for me…

I don’t know why letting go
Is so easy for me
Easier I suppose
To not be present
Then try and fail to succeed
With the same outcome
And bitter taste of defeat
When one tries naturally… they die
When one dies naturally… they tried
Rolling the boulder further up the hill
Trial after trial with every day slipping
Been trying to smile
Been dying to smile
Been living and therefore I’m dead
Under the standards of this life
Not sure about why letting go
Is so easy for me
Easier I suppose
To not care anymore
Then try to succeed at failing

I am my own worst enemy… I guess… Obviously you haven’t met the catty bitches I work with… and don’t even get me started on the ladies fighting a battle they have already won… Misinformation runs deeper than the surface… Is it harassment if you bring it on yourself?… Yes… Is it harassment if you can feel it inside your head?… Yes… Is it harassment if you assume who someone is based on looks alone?…

Now we are getting somewhere… and the answer is clearly no… As long as everyone else agrees with this assessment… Then it is fact… Who you are inside is for others to decide… I’d sight examples… but something tells me you know exactly what I am talking about… As a card carrying satanic racist woman hating junkie serial killer who has somehow never been caught… been in a fight… or died from my crippling dependency… I know exactly how you feel…

How passing unspoken judgement and spreading rumors can having a lasting effect… Now don’t call it bullying… don’t you dare… because they would never… They would never just come out and say how they feel… that would be cruel… that would be hurtful… Remember they are the real victims here… having to look at you… being yourself… expressing your true self… How dare you indeed even think of accusing them of such cruelty…

You monster… you freak… with your black clothes… your shaven head… keeping to yourself… How dare you not laugh at every one of my stupid jokes about the same thing… How dare you not agree with everything that I think… How dare you be while I am trying to be… You should know better… That you are the problem and I am clearly the solution… This is the problem with assuming what others are thinking… what their actions might be… It spirals out of control…

Quickly I might add… Because imagining how miserable they must be inside… doesn’t bring me any peace… Worrying myself with what others might think or believe about me… Doesn’t change anything… I got better shit to do today… So… fuck them… Fuck them and their insecurities… Fuck them and their small existence…

Does that make me better?… Does it make it better?… No… But it very much lets me know that I am not them… And that feels pretty God damn fucking good… Keep your head up… keep fucking swimming… keep being yourself… Hope all is well… and don’t let them eat you up inside… when they are not even worth your time…