Chewing On Glass…

I can’t wake up because I haven’t gone to sleep
I can’t wake up without knowing I can’t sleep
I can’t wake up knowing I’ve chosen to be here
One more time… One more day…
I drag myself through the coals… through the fire…
For you… For you I’d die… Knowing I won’t return…
I can’t wake up because I haven’t gone to sleep
I can’t wake up without knowing I can’t sleep
I can’t wake up knowing how dead I’ve been
For far too long…

Because no one asked… I’m doing just fine…

Struggling to see where to begin
Blank page syndrome
Said enough before but was it
Everything I needed to say?
Sitting at the edge things seems fine
Standing at the top everything looks
Pretty flat
Struggling to understand what’s been
Said in this endless silence in my head
Empty mind syndrome
Did what I’ve done but was it
Enough to satisfy this need in me?
Sleeping on a bed of nails things ache
Resting at the bottom everything looks
Pretty flat
This wasn’t meant to spark a feeling
But I can’t seem to get it out of me
This lost feeling I forgot something
But I can’t remember what it was
To live in a world so hopelessly
Struggling to see where to begin
With my heart so close to the ground
And my eyes closed tightly

Like me you feel more than you should… and not enough to survive…

Mouth full of poison
Stomach full of lead
If I cared anymore about you
You’d probably end up dead
Removable heart on display
My love is not for the weak
If I cared anymore for you
I’d probably end up dead too

For those of you who didn’t know… or couldn’t guess… This isn’t the only job I have… Health care ain’t cheap… and neither is following your dreams… No… Day in and day out I drag my ass to what I call… the three letter shit box… To work through the night on a passion project I call… my life… All jokes aside… that is what the first passage is about…

The nightly struggle to stay awake when I can’t even sleep in the first place… Speaking of struggle… Passage two leads us to the most common of issues in this line of work… Where to start… That’s the definitive issue of our generation really… At a certain point it doesn’t even matter… You just have to… Probably the best way this has ever been said…

“You either get busy living or you get busy dying.”

The last passage is clearly about obsession… My undying obsession with writing… with my job… with my own internal inability to separate the two… Obviously not… That would be sadder than anything I have bothered to write down in a while… and yet here we are between shifts… Working the thoughts out between thoughts of just walking away…

Weighing which would be easier… To live a life… or simply not bother… Choose wisely… we only get one of these and then we die… Hope all is well… and don’t read between the lines… Everything here is just fine…