Chewing On Glass…

Sitting down here in this graveyard of words
My hearts been dead for far too long
This creeping feeling isn’t right to how I feel
Wasting words on thoughts that don’t matter
No one’s safe if everyone is in chains
I can’t wait until I’m dead
For you to hear what I said
No one’s fucking free chained to the ground
I don’t know… Yes you do…
I know you can feel it too
They are looking for stuff
Things to take away
Supposed ways to make a change
What is there really left to take away
I can’t wait until I’m dead
For you to hear what I said
No one’s following the rules
While waiting for them to be written
The chaos becomes madness
And the madness becomes the order
Life goes on horrific or not
Ignore what I said I don’t care
I just can’t wait until I’m dead
For anyone to hear what’s been said

I try to eat healthy, but in this climate what’s the point?…

Bleeding innocence on a cross in their heads
Pretend martyrs building up lies within
Over a cause that don’t mean anything
Fuck your white Aryan nation plans
Words falling on deaf ears makes me sad
Angry… isolated against stupid thoughts
Think you can do it on your own
But I’ve got news… you can’t
How many lives must be destroyed
For you to learn a lesson so obvious?
That’s what I thought you don’t know
Pushing harder against a concrete that won’t give
It isn’t the color of our skin
It’s the number of zeroes you don’t have
Think you’re better… think again… try real hard
To see it is because of us all we have anything
For us to destroy together on broken thoughts

I’m trying to live a better life, but what’s the point looking around?…

Time keeps moving
Slower in my life and faster in my head
Looked over my shoulder
You were there and now you’re nowhere
To be found in time or space
Who were you then compared to now
Who am I when time comes back around
Did all I could even when I couldn’t
Still I could only manage to not do enough
Further down I go thinking about
Where I’ll be with enough time and space
Who will you be when time comes back around
Who was I then compared to now
Time keeps moving
Did all I could to slow it down
Now it’s your turn and I’m nowhere
To be found…

There’s a lot to address here… The first two thoughts seem pretty obvious to me… Self-explanatory really… Lift your head up and you will hear one side… both sides of the argument any time you’d like… Over and over… endlessly being shoved down our throats… Stupidity on demand… What we’ve always wanted… I guess…

Not so obvious… even to me… is the inclusion of the last thought… I wasn’t going to add it… then I was… and then I did… Clearly… Needed something more depressing than the state of the world… the nation… the life outside of these poorly built walls… Time is a theme that slowly keeps creeping in… In my head… In my life… In my words…

Time affects us all… Drags us along… and there’s nothing you or I can do about it… Time keeps going… Life keeps going… A life keeps going… With or without you… Which is what the last one is about… More specifically it is about my daughter… About how she used to need me for any and everything… How she was always right there as I struggled to get these thoughts out…

Worked so hard to build something out of nothing… And now after structuring my whole life around her and what she is doing… She is nowhere to be found… she is off doing her own thing… Rewarding… Jarring… Lonely… Isolating… Confusing… Who am I now that I’m not her everything?…

When it was happening all, I wanted was the freedom… the time to think… And now how am I supposed to think without someone asking me for something every two seconds?… What am I supposed to do with all this time?… Who am I now without her by my side?… Who was I then?… Don’t feel any different… but so much has changed in me… adapted… rearranged…

All of this to say… one day it will happen to her… One day we all have to face the fact that those we thought would always be there… won’t be… Life at times doesn’t feel like it is about the moments we’ve lived… but the moments we’ve lost… This very much feels like one of those moments… Hope all is well…