Chewing On Glass…

The lessons that come with life
My soap box is creaking once again
Maybe… If we’re lucky I’ll have a point
By the end of this… with any luck… maybe
I seriously doubt it but here it is…
Forgive yourself before it’s too late
Forgive others when necessary
Stop to listen before it’s too late
Might even learn a thing or two
Believe me it won’t meaning anything to them
But the moments that really mattered
Never did until it was too late
The lessons that come with life
Aren’t always the most obvious right away
But they are there if you look hard enough
There’s a hole in my soap box where I sit
Do the best that you can to be
Who you always wanted to be
Not everyone’s going to appreciate what
You are, but in time they won’t be here either
So fuck them… who are they to say what we are
There’s a crack in my soap box where I stand
Telling me to put my pen down and take a bow
But I was never good enough to listen to others
I just tried too hard to be present

Endlessly waiting for a resolution that just isn’t there…

Love you all the same
Whether I’m here or stuck over there
My love doesn’t fade
Even when I have to go away
Love you all the same
Whether I’m stuck over there
Or sitting right here
My love for you doesn’t fade
Even when I can’t say it anymore
I’ll always love you all the same
To the end and even then…
My love won’t die…

In the absents of light there is only more life…

I thought about what you said
Am I really better than this?
I thought I was, but everyone keeps proving
Me wrong
I thought about what you said
But could I really do better than this?
I thought I could, but it turns out
I couldn’t…

What to say… When to say it… What is always odd to me… Is that most comments about my writing… is that it dives too deep in darkness at times… That maybe I should seek some sort of help… I of course… Don’t see it like that… feel it like that… My words… my thoughts… to me are little more than an expression to a passing thought… Most of the time…

Meaning little more than a feeling I’m trying to process… In other words, my words are little more to me than working through… getting the help that others feel I need… Hopefully providing more to others than fuel to burn their own flame… Examples… proof that however you may feel… that you are not alone… We are not alone… We are in this together…

Sadness… Depression… it comes and it goes… Moments lost to time and little else… As dark as my thoughts my appear to be… they are lined with happiness that I’m still here… They are interjected with the idea that instead of acting out my thoughts… I thought about them… If that makes any sense… nothing ever feels like it makes sense when you have to spell it out…

For those keeping tabs… for those that care and really want to know… It isn’t the darkest of my words that come from a dark place… It is the passages like the second one that come from the darkest place… Because life is ass backwards and always moving forward…

“Love you all the same… Whether I’m here or stuck over there… My love doesn’t fade…” etc…

Seems loving… comes from the heart… Breed in the darkest places of all… That whole passage isn’t about my love for my daughter… my wife… my family… or my friends… It is about how much I want all of them to know that I love them… Even when all I can think about is killing myself… Ending it for no better reason than I just can’t anymore…

I speak of death and dying a lot… I’m not immune to what I put out in the world… But I don’t talk about my own personal struggles as much as maybe I should… My words and thoughts like I said are therapeutic… They mean something… but they don’t… They aren’t like I said fuel for your fire… But water to sooth the burn… To me at least…

I can’t tell you what to do with my words… or how to feel about them… Which is why I love words so much… why I love writing… The way they can be bent and shaped to tell a story… to express a thought… to relieve the pressures of life… I just want you to know that no matter what is thought… or said… that you are not alone… that you are loved and have always been loved… Hope all is well…