Waiting For You Down Here… Broken Thoughts…

Held my head down in the water too long
A foggy, thickness that made no sense
Nothing gets in below the surface
Hollowed out existence
Submerged below everything around me
Thought it was you, knew it was only me
Pulling the reigns, tying the noose
Could say I was suffering but I was
Only living in a world of my own creation
Could say anything meant more than it did
Because it didn’t held so far under the waves

I’m just trying to stay calm in a world that doesn’t know what that means…

Held my face too close to the flames
A burning, suffocation that made no sense
Nothing gets to me beyond the screams
Suffering out existence
Engulfed by everything around me
Thought it was you, knew it was only me
Nailed in place, lighting the flames
Could say I was suffering but I was
Only living in a world of my own creation
Could say anything meant more than it did
Because it didn’t burning on the stake

Order and chaos… chaos and order… never stops breeding…

Held my face too close to the ground
A familiar, emptiness that makes no sense
Nothing gets to me down here
Sleeping off existence
Surrounded by everything around me
Thought it was you, knew it was only me
Laying in place, succumbing to fate
Could say I was suffering but I was
Only living in a world of my own creation
Could say anything meant more than it did
Because it didn’t burying myself under all these feelings

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

I guess this could have been a poem… started off as a Broken Thought… that became something more… influenced heavily by my next poem book…Teething on Concrete… which may or may not be out by now… I’m never sure what it is I am doing… I’m a very focused… and somehow unfocused person… maybe it comes from only sleeping a few hours at a time… maybe I have always been this way… maybe I’m broken in some way… Anything is possible and here we are…

Pretty boring here at the moment… working on working on more work… so work on top of work… trying to get some stuff done… so I can move on… and work on more stuff?… Does it ever end?… I’m sure it will one day… not looking forward to that day though… deep breath… life is something else…

Stay safe… and create everything… I’ll be waiting for you down here…

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Strangers To Ourselves
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Broken
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Not Sure Where You’d Thought We’d Go… Broken Thoughts…

Even running late
Still right on time
Sinking into the idea of it all
A long walk with nowhere to go
The places I have been
Irrelevant
The places I will go
Irrelevant
Taking it all becomes
Irrelevant
Knowing isn’t always knowing
Each thought a repetition
Of everything I have already done
Thinking about all of this
Has become so irrelevant
Living with all of this
Has become so irrelevant
To my existence

The times change but the people don’t…

Past along idea, still no one wants to hear
A liar, a vile existence, a useless idea
Correct, my beliefs have always been
Take your lies and walk your line
Do not step across into mine
What I believe is how it is
Repeated mantra of millions
Spreads over time into billions
Becomes the truth
Because new ideas hold no light
New ideas are not accepted in this life
Slowly spreading disease with no cure

“Too much thought in anything spells death and dissatisfaction…” Well fuck…

“I’m just eccentric.”
“You know eccentric is just another word for asshole?”
“Your face is an asshole.”
“You are drunk and pathetic.”
“We are all pathetic, the problem is that most of us don’t care to notice.”
“You can never be wrong can you?”
“Not sure if it is even possible, but everyone will test the limits all the same.”
“You are such…”
“An asshole. I am very aware. Thanks for stopping by to remind me.”
“I live here.”
“I think you think you live here, but really you just inhabit the space around you.”
“Your life is not a novel. You can’t just say lines to sound witty and move on.”
“Life is whatever you want it to be and for all you know this might find it’s way into one someday. Just need to figure out what the characters are trying to say.”

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

Not sure if I mentioned this… but if I did… know that I probably won’t stop for a few years… back in March I lost two months worth of work… the reason is pretty stupid… make sure your work is saving… even if it says that it is… because everyone thinks “saved”… means maybe… two copies of everything at all times… because maybe it saved… that is petty of me of course… the only reason it haunts my brain is because… well some of my best work was in there… was it though?… we will never know… so many thoughts that I got out of my head… so many ideas I moved on from because they were done… two months worth of work lost in the blink of an eye…

What I learned from all of this… besides save your work every fifth of a second across nineteen different devices… is that it doesn’t matter… there will always be new thoughts… new things to think about… and the purpose of all of this is to free the demons from my mind… so a thought that sent me into a tail spin… put me in a depression that lasted weeks… left me with the realization that… the lost words… the lost thoughts… had done what they already needed to do… so nothing in turn was last after all… almost had you there for a second didn’t I?… fuck Google Docs… save your fucking work… and then save it again… better yet… write them down with pen and paper… and staple them to your chest… fuck… fuck… fuck…

It’s fine… I’m not dwelling on it at all… I’m sure we have all gone through this at some point… I’m sure it will happen again… but in the mean time… get your shit together Google Docs… don’t tell me it has been saving for weeks and then just one random ass day be like it never saved… I’ve uploaded the fucking file every day for two months… but you have no record of me doing so… I bet you saved every word I have ever said out loud near my phone though… without my permission of course… which is why your assistant app opens up randomly without a single prompt to do so… tell you what just put it back… and we can both pretend we don’t know nothing about anything…

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Damn My Foolish Eyes… Something Different…

All the Same

A corpse on life support
Wasted and on last resort
Feeding time is here to stay
Feed the soul, stay away
Man versus Machine
All the same
We gave away our souls
First time we were paid
Existence, existing time and place
Fearful means all the same
Explain to me what to say
My words always get in the way
How I feel
What you mean
Doesn’t mean anything in the scheme of things
When they are all the same
Lesson learned one glass at a time
Driven into the ground

Personification of a Dying Art

Tearing at the fabric of my very being
Only have something to say as I fall asleep
Convenient
If there was such a thing as sin
I think that I would live it
Only if it was clearly stated by design
Inflicted
Too many demons locked away in my skeleton
A puppet meant to say something
Strings too tight, cut me free
Convoluted
If there is such a thing as less complicated
I haven’t found it
If only it was clearly defined by existence
Incorporated
Licensed to fuck this up by design
Unqualified but what really are the qualifications
To set the world on fire
No one asked me to save them
So I heed the call and do all that I can
They wanted a martyr but all they got was me

Found some more old poetry that didn’t fit in to my recent collection… still working on everything… always trying to work on something… hope all is well…

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Everything Is Upside Down… Broken Thoughts…

Taking this out to sea
Oceans may lay between
The dead and the living
But we brush up against
Skeletons dressed in skin
Walking the plank
Everything lays below the surface
The life we want and the one we live
Ripple effect amongst the waves
Dwell on it all the same
Rotting flesh dripping off new skin
Shed who I am, who I was
Skin falling as the time goes on
Am I who I am or an evolution of the thought
Gave everything for a chance to know
Diving into the ocean floor below

Getting over these childish things… was never on the table…

Stripping back everything
Peeling the skin piece for piece
You’ll always get what you get
A look beyond the normal
A vision of what it means to live
Thoughts invisible to the eye
The blood pumps on through it all
Loneliness filling up the cracks of a broken heart
A point was made but now it is gone
It all sounded the same isolated and afraid
Room full of me and yous
Lost the train of thought
Stuck in between what I remember
What I forgot

Upset because you are wrong… or because I pointed it out?…

With broken feet and worn down shoes
Marching onto a death
Moving on with a sense of regret
Changing lanes, stuck in place
Bleed me dry and tell me what it means
Take everything from me and tell me what I deserve
Sheltered in place but paying attention all the same
With broken feet and defeated dreams
Marching on was all there was for me
Moving on from this sense of regret
That was forced into me by uncertain circumstances
Bleed me dry but know you will never get all of me
The evidence, the trail left behind us all

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

Hopefully by now everything is back to normal… but then again hopefully not… because as it turns out… as it all unfolds… normal wasn’t all that normal to begin with… I hope everything is better… learned a lesson that was hard to swallow… look back to the history… and improved… but even then… history tells me we didn’t learn a thing from any of this… only how to take a bad situation… and exploit it further… harder… faster… stronger… until it is all used up… unsure if we know of any other way…

For those of you who don’t know… I’m the optimistic one in my home… the one spewing positivity… hope… on any situation that comes our way… as we all drag the lake together… know that I am in the one in the back… convincing you everything is okay… so let that sink in for a moment… unlike most people I like to be wrong… I want to be wrong… because when I am good things come about… someone has to be… and what better person then me?… this life is a mind game… where too much thought… and not enough will be your… our down fall…

We forget the rules… because there are no rules… we write them… rewrite them… and time goes on… time… life… existence… is not bound by any sense of order… it is dripping in chaos… life… like the world… spins in circles… is kept in balance by the battle between order and chaos… each play an equal role… each has there place… we don’t need to live in chaos… and we can’t be dictated by order… complex… each one of us… each part of this… is more complex then we’d like to admit… there is no answer… because there are no answers…

Hopelessly we must find the order in chaos… and the chaos in the order… nothing was ever meant to be perfect… nothing ever will be… but balanced?… who decides that?… who determines what that means?… who in this world defines the balance?… we can play weak… we can pretend we don’t have a say… but we’ve known the answer for way too long… none of us are here purely by chance… as chaotic as life is… there is an order to why we are still here… a balance to our very existence… now is the time to decide… determine… define… what that means…

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Got Everything I Wanted… Broken Thoughts…

Waiting on you
Waiting on the world to do
What I already know it will
Waiting for the moment
Is like waiting for
Everything to fall in place
I’d give anything for
What I already know
Gave it all and in a strange
Twist of fate it was true
Digging a grave
Draining the lake
Said my peace and now
I wait for the truth to accumulate

When I get like this… Thinking only makes it worse…

If I’m going to take the time
Working on being more direct
Rather than correct
Spent too much time being erect
An error in a linchpin
Pulled at the strings and now I can’t resist
Thanking about all the beautiful things
That make me feel like shit
Another day if I must say
Dissecting everything going on inside of me

It’s one thing if I fall on the sword… It’s another if you stare me down while you push it in…

Stuck a needle in my eye
Couldn’t tell anymore if I was alive
Took what I had left in this world
Watched, let it burn
Each page a thought that wouldn’t die
Starting over and if you knew you’d know why
They say a phoenix rises from the ashes
But what started the spark?
What took the great beast down in the first place?
Time, life, stress, just time to move on
Too much concern put on the end result
And not the process of it all

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

A little more on the experimental side for me… I have been trying to do things a little different with each cycle… if we don’t evolve we die… not trying to shed all the skin of course… we may always look the same on the outside… but I’ve been searching deeper within… to understand what each shadow actually means… I’m sure by the end of all of this… there will be some pretty different… weird stuff…

Hopefully for the better of course…each thought doesn’t always chew the same… some get stuck in the back of the throat… and others go down without you even noticing… just remember… at least no one is choking on glass here… will update the title where appropriate… in the mean time… hope all is well…

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