Out To Lunch…

Thanks for stopping by… out on vacation for a few weeks or months… check below for actual posts… first time visiting the website?… there are tabs for older stuff… poems… stories… previews for the books available… not sure if it is enough material to subside you until I return… but something is always better than nothing…

Hope all is well… Layne Ambrose…

When I get that bag down… is when I can write again…

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Broken Thoughts… Rocking The Microphone With No Panties…

Sunken days spent with words I don’t know
Bogged down by the weight of your body
Dead and bloated by all the lies
Kisses from the underground
Scared lips trembling
The trepidation comes from within

It’s a long walk to hell and no one is willing to do it alone…

Blinking lights in the distant desert
Broke down on the way to nowhere
How I miss heaven
A lonely place I’ve never known
Heading north with everything
Still left to go behind me
Look how far I’ve come
Going no where at all
A sinking feeling left out in the sun
I’m drowning for no reason at all
Still trying to live even after all this time
Never quite learned the reasons why
Missing home despite all the things
I despise
Unwelcome, untethered, unable to explain
All the reasons to my isolation
Blinking lights in the desert

It’s not that hard to pretend… Just keeping it up is such a bitch…

“That sounds like modern slavery.” Shrugs, “Anything can sound that way if you look too deep into it. That’s not the point. If you are worth anything someone will find a way to exploit it.” Smirks, “That wasn’t the question. The question is how much are you willing to give? But hey in the meantime you get to be a fucking superhero. So you know good with the bad I suppose.” I finish washing my hands and go back to work.

What works for one doesn’t work for the other… Like a fucking Band Aid… I’m just trying to hang on…

Prepared for the worst
Prepared for nothing at all
The knife goes in
Without any resistance at all

Never cared you were only bored…

Looking away from the crimes of others
Focused solely on my own shame
My place in this fucked up mess
Who am I if I am not me
Starving for attention, bleeding from the brain
Rags to riches only to complain
Life is such a worthless place
Carry the burden of a thousand sons and daughters
People whose faces I have never seen
Couldn’t recognize me or the time and place
Lost in their own little worlds
Absorbing their belief in my faith
Shallow but right on point

Couldn’t get away fast enough…

Poison into the vein
Makes me feel sane
Tapping into something new
My newest addition
To the same fucking thing
The anger consumes
All that we know
The rages fuels
All this bullshit
Wrong, it is your fucking
Ignorance
Head so far up your ass
Hard to tell where you begin
And where you should end

Took those panties off on this one… haha… funny to maybe three of us in the whole world… When There’s No More Room… is over and that was that… Big plans for the next section of my plan… which means I will be out for a moment in time… taking a real break this time… a lot of false alarms… but I need to get my shit together… put it in a box so to speak… haha… funny to maybe one person in the whole world…

So this isn’t good bye… or so long… just a moment in time… Thoughts in my head… should be back by July… but I’m really shitty with time… baby I can’t quit you forever… next project should be more organic… a little more put together… compared to week to week… I’m excited about the next project… despite not having any real plan… riding by the seat of my pants… asshole swinging in the air… haha… okay that was only funny to me… thank you for riding out this dark time in my life… but lets forget that shit and move the fuck on… : )

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Broken Thoughts… Looking To Turn My Piss Into Wine…

There seems to be a miscommunication
Between my brain and heart
Mixed signals firing off as emotions
The thought was always there
Back of my mind, deep within
A masked conundrum hidden in an enigma
Read the dictionary recently
Didn’t take anything from it but a few words
They related to hurt, hurting, and love
Lies but I don’t know which ones
Forgot to remind myself what was wrong
The hidden pictures trapped within
Flies circling the corpse that I have become
Trapped in an endless loop
They relate to death, dying, and life

If you’ve told me once I know I never listened

Joined a cult and I’ve never felt more at home
We call ourselves humanity
Sick thoughts pushed by blood
Better suited as ourselves inside
What is a name without any meaning?
What is a feeling you can’t feel?
Empathy lost on the lonely
Sick idea filled with shit
Only care about ourselves
Better suited to pretend
What are we without any pain?
What is a reason you don’t understand?
Lying to myself once again
Never belonged only snaked my way in
Couldn’t help but fit in

Took all of this and ran with it

Feeling it coming from all sides
A flame, a sensation that doesn’t stop
Burn me down so I can rise again
I’m not afraid of my place
Maybe it is time to embrace
Maybe it is time for things to be my way
Stop and fucking think for a second
Giving in was never worth the prize
A death, a sensation that will signal the end
Fall down only to get back up
Say it over and over again
A broken chant you need to memorize
Light the bonfire and jump in
Let’s get this going already
Light as a feather
Stiff as a fucking board

It’s not appropriate to the current situation

Carrying the weight of everything with every step
What I was told was not what is true
World built upon lies, bullshit we tell ourselves
Dumpster fire with no regrets
Shedding skin to relieve myself
Hate myself but what choice did I ever have
The words hurt and maybe they were supposed to
Standing up to all the shit
Tired of forcing myself to fit

Driving on an endless road… shouting out broken thoughts… that make no sense… no I haven’t gone crazy… part of the process… testing out voice to texted limitations… spreading the madness with no hands… been thinking… what if everyone knew all my thoughts?… what would I write about then?… what would I do with all these god damn dreams?… then I thought… what the fuck am I doing with them now?… guess it doesn’t matter what I think if none of it is real… yeah the questions don’t breed answers… only thoughts…

Staring at an empty screen… thinking of what to say… when I don’t have anything to say today… a lie I can’t live up to… never shut the fuck up… an endless fucking avalanche of thought… running out of all the things that will make me rot… too much free time that I don’t know what to do… so many free moments that I forgot… what is a dream but unactuated thoughts… like the words we make up… nothing at all… broken ideas of a thought…

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Broken Thoughts… Saving Myself for Sunday…

Get over it as they say
Killing off, cutting off the dead limbs
The misery, the pain
Burning down the village of the damned
Taking everything I deserve
Worked harder than I care to admit
For nothing at all
Big ass smile, fucking let down
Watching the flames burn higher and higher
The stench more than anyone can handle
Move the fuck away from me
Haven’t you ever seen someone
Trying to kill themselves for your pleasure?

Face down… ass up… looking for the sun…

I know because I’ve heard before
Thought I could hide my intentions
For eons I’ve done nothing right
A promise I couldn’t keep
Lies stitch together my very soul
God was right they’re all destined to fail
How could I, a fallen angel, have not known
Jealousy courses through their veins
Hate and anger a diet they must consume
No one ever pauses to question
Who creates something so awful and calls them their children?
A beaten corpse with no name
Resurrection after resurrection same every time
Broken prophecy filled with truth
False hope fills my soul
An answer I’ll never come to understand

At the end of days everything will be much of the same… only different…

Through the darkness
I can see the future
Much darker than now
Who am I to complain
Existence is existence
None the less
Bitching my way to death
A threat left empty handed
What the hell else was I to do
To live is to die
Same as it ever was
A broken promise left on paper
Digital age took over
So I guess I really am all alone

It is starting to get warmer here in hell… and fuck I hate it… going to have to go back to writing in the nude… it doesn’t help the ideas flow but it doesn’t stop them either… I hate the heat… can only strip down so far… haven’t found away to strip away my flesh… well I mean I have but I’m going to need some help… In the mean time all I am left with is to suffer… same as it ever was I guess… No idea where I was going with this… the sweat is getting in my eyes and I can’t think… that feeling when that one bead of sweat runs from your armpit and down your side… shiver… bring on the ice age already… it is too hot to make any sense…

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Broken Thoughts… Crashing Ships In The Night…

A bloody feeling touching finger tips
Hints of a reason
Scene of the crime
A broken heart with no life
Stabbing pains in my side
What has it been
Days, weeks, months
I don’t care
The thought only grows
A sick feeling inside my head
If only I could I know that I would
Desperation and a fucked up feeling
Tell me one more time
So I can remember
Slipping through the cracks
Concrete floor never felt so soft
Until they left me bleeding on the floor
Death rattle shaking
A cold wave washes over everything

Scratching at the surface only to dig deeper

Bleeding under the stars
Isn’t any different than not
Feelings become lost
In so much shit
Said I cared when I didn’t
Said I didn’t when I did
I’m a confused asshole
What do you want me to say
When no one believes me any way
Rats will rule this world
Becomes okay, is ok
Past tense so subversive
Predictable predictions on how this would be
I missed the boat, yeah that’s me
Digging a grave at sea

One for the money… Two for the turn around and go home…

Worn down after the years of abuse
The teeth tell a story
Buried in the concrete
Age not in the thought
But in the heart
Taking what is left
Buried upon the surface
Paint the blood on your skin
Drying along the scars
A map of your abuse
Screaming obscenities
Words that remind me of you
What it means
I don’t know
What it does
I don’t know
How it feels
How it ever was
Drowning in the thoughts
Pouring out of the skin
Pressure releasing all the lies
Tell me one more time
How you’d like to watch me die

Someone is always better

Slipping down a path made of sin
The piss feels like rain from here
Choking to keep throwing up
It isn’t hell if it is home
It isn’t hell if it is all you know
Jamming it down my throat to see how it feels
Stuck, shifting gears into another thought
The mud isn’t dirt but shit
Drowning in a sea of all of this
Asked for forgiveness but only wanted a reason
Thought I was full of nothing
Come to find out I just have too much to say
The lines blend together when you line them up
Broken threads in a stream of consciousness
It isn’t hell if it feels like home
It isn’t hell if it is all that I want to know
Fucking useless conclusion
A feeling I lost looking into the abyss
Staring into nothing along
A deep dark hole made of deceit
Love the feeling even if it only brings need

“All you ever do is write.” “Correction… all I want to do is write… there is a difference…” That didn’t go over so well… so I’m off to spend time with my family… Black Yoshi going to paint ever track with your blood… game on ladies… : )

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Broken Thoughts… Got A Lot Of Things Going On In My Brain…

Processing the idea of such a
Peaceful existence
The calm before the storm
Trepidation fills me
As I inhale
Slowly walking down a path
There never was no turning back
A false promise promised at birth
The lie I have always lived
Being a better person
Is more than just believing
Sacrifice everything only to end up
With nothing in the end
What was ever the point?
Why would you ever try to be anything?
Feel as though I’ve missed the point of everything

Ashes in a tray…

The flickering light mocks me
The darkness seems so much more
Appealing than the light
This depression is sown into my bones
The sadness grows with every breath
Taking this was never the problem
Only a symptom of being me
With no reason I push on
Ungrateful to be so grateful
Judging by the judgement
The sympathy of the times

I’m left feeling so incomplete…

The late nights got me thinking
Maybe there’s more to this stupid thing
A feeling wrapped in a trap
Broken and forever forsaken
The life I’ve created got me thinking
Maybe there is more out there
A failing thought in a concussion
Fractured and forever suffering
The isolation has gotten me thinking
Maybe there’s more to this stupid thing
A sinking feeling trapped within
Simplistic and forever repeating

There are no innocent when we are all deemed guilty…

Breaking through the ice
So thick
A sledge hammer of sound
Sledge hammer of pain
No one ever asked me
I’ve just always wanted the escape
Freedom never meant much
Until it was taken away
Chipping away at the restraints
A freak without a sound
Freaking out without the pain
Told me everything would be okay
Why have you always felt the need
To lie to me

Tried to hit every base with this one… nothing ever really shuts off in here… it is annoying but what else am I going to do?… bored today… did some yard work… still bored… did some writing… obviously… still bored… play some video games?… probably be bored… could read but I don’t feel like doing anything… riding out the day until it is over… if I never make it… it won’t be because of anyone around me… not motivated enough today… that’s more depressing than the depression… rambling on else where…

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Broken Thoughts… Do Not Crush or Chew… Swallow Whole…

The razor blade digs into my side
A contraption meant for something else
Reusing useless item to make a point


The absence of your insignificance

Spitting the venom foaming at the mouth
I loved you so much that I wish I was dead
Standing at the crossroads of crucifixion
A place that meant so much before
Words carry no weight
Cliched, depraved edition of everything said
Spinning in circles looking for something that isn’t there
A long ass sentence with no point
Left alone so long ago
Abandoned to the point no one knows
Lost in time and space
All the ideas we decided to create

Selfishness and everything I strive to be

Hung over, fractured skull
Left regretting mistakes
Still processing all the shame
Brain on fire and only one to blame
Stand still, watching the world spin
Slowly becoming, sober

Flesh from the bone… heart torn from the soul…

The flames of despair are flaring up again
Taking away any confidence I may have had
Searching the world for my ego
Stealing from all those around me
Demented dimensions of disproportionate thoughts
Shattered shadow slowly dying in the dark
Lost everything when I lost you
Took away anything I thought I had
A talent for noticing how fucked up I am
My will sways in the wind
Broken branches littering the ground
Up routed and so far from where I began
Where do I go
Standing before a fork in a destroyed road
No path free from your corruption
No path that hasn’t already been worn down
Sell my soul for a little peace
A thoughtless thought that haunts me

Burning through my notes at an unusual pace… honestly trying to clear most of this mess off my desk… move on to something new… I’d love to start working on my novel… well I have but I have been at an impasse… Been too lazy… collecting excuses… collecting pages of distractions… Been so long I’m starting to forget what it was even about… not a good sign… figure it all out in time… everything in time I suppose…

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