Waiting for these moments to pass
These moments we like to call life
Miscommunication of a thought
That have found their way in again
Broken ideas breaking apart in my head
Hammer to my brain… self-inflicted
Sawing into my own legs… to slow the pain
Glued together sense of self… know I’m not insane
Piece by piece I know we can fix this
Decompressed version of a decaying self
Under the impression that I’m only depressed
But only I know better than you how I feel
Some call it a reset others would say that I’m dead
Resting in this grave inside my head
Sleeping through this life that I only wanted to live
Humans are not great by design… the mistakes of a being who didn’t know any better…
Grinding against the steel sparks all around me
Sharpening myself across the concrete of discarded bones
Thought I was made of glass
Turns out I was never made this way
The cracks of a natural evolution
The shell of a man shifting in place
Kicking and screaming with theses voice in my head
Was all I needed to do… What I needed after all
Suppressing these feelings against my head for others
Worsening effect against the storm raging inside
Thought I was made from fragile things
Turns out I was never made of such things
The steel isn’t a resistance I recognize in my daze
New skin growing in place… underneath everything
The concrete isn’t a hinderance I’m willing to accept
New blood flowing in its place around my heart
Pushing myself to the limits of my own evolution
Breaking this mold I’ve trapped myself in
Becoming more than I could dare believe
Think I care but what happens when you know I don’t
You’ve trapped me… Suppressed me with your fear
No longer scared of what I’d become without you around
Been pretending the words weren’t true…
So, they say we mean something
With everything we have to had to say
Words spent regurgitating the same damn things
Repeating lines from the devil’s playbook
Thought any of this could move me closer
To being anything like you… childish dreams for a few
So, they say we meant something
With everything we have had to do
Actions spent proving false ideas of me and you
Didn’t prove a god damn thing about what we could be
When no one was paying attention in the first place
So, fuck them and fuck it all… drove me to this place
Words don’t mean shit upon deaf ears
Actions are for those with everything to lose
Lifetimes proving ourselves wrong
When we’ve seen the truth all along
The truth of our actions and our responses
Thoughts and prayers are for those
That care as so little… next to nothing
So, they say we mean something
With everything we have to say
But I’m sure we all know the truth
It’s only easier to ignore when it’s not happening to you
Broken Thoughts
Pretty strong finish… would you believe me if I told you I’m actually in a pretty good mood?… You should, but I don’t blame you… I had to read this post too… Didn’t start out this evening feeling how I feel now… In fact… I started this evening wondering why it is that I do any of this to myself?… I woke to this uncomfortable feeling that lives inside my head constantly… the one about how I’m not good enough… not good enough for anything… not even good enough to keep on breathing… but who really is?…
The thoughts they stack up against me… though they still don’t ever seem to add up to anything… Point is if your feeling the same way… keep your head up… if you don’t feel the same way… keep your head up any way… The darkness is always around the corner… but so is the light… Everything in this life is trying to win a fight… even the light… None of us are as alone as we believe we maybe… Push forward through the darkness… Always remember… Never forget… There’s nothing worse than nothing at all…
Hope all is well… if it isn’t… know it will be…
Chewing On Glass... 
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