Chewing On Glass…

Little shards of glass in my lungs
Breathe them in to keep from going insane
The infection though I think is becoming apparent
Spoke my words with an acid tongue
And now my jaw is somewhere on the floor
I can’t see it… but I can hear it rattling along
With every step… with every attempt…
Said I was alright and I lied
Despite how I’ve been feeling inside
My afflictions though don’t feel so internal
When I can see the evidence of our mistakes
If you could… could you explain the blade for finger tips
“Better for digging into you my dear.”
This can’t be the fairy tale that I was dreaming of
This can’t be a fantasy made just for me
Keeping me on a bed of needles and pins
How you make me feel despite no one asking you to
Whenever you come around it is as though my heart
Has died…

Gave away everything that was meant to mean anything…

An influence I thought I couldn’t lose
Talked as though we were equals
Slowly killing everything I thought
An enemy in hiding… waiting for me
In the darkness I thought I escaped
Suppressed by the very people
I called friends… tainted existence
An influence I thought I needed
Turns out I needed no one at all
Holding me under… holding me back
Turning me into you isn’t okay
An enemy in hiding… waiting for me
In this darkness I’ve been trying to escape
Driven under by those very same people
I called friends… all alone all along
An influence I needed to let go
To move on from their abuse

With your love scrolled across my skin…

These suicidal dreams aren’t adding up
What’s waiting for you at the other end
That isn’t available here to begin with
A cancer breeding in our inherited system
Disconnected connection of an idea gone by
If only I had a hammer… well I have a hammering
A drilling sound in my head I can’t seem to shake
Repeating the words once again of my failures
All the images are flashing red in here
Voices telling me I wish I was dead
Candle lite dinner serving the last course
Ignoring the sound was harder than I thought
Never met anyone new standing still
Your dark pale eyes aren’t a shade of blue
Finger prints pressed against the glass of my chest
This wasn’t meant to be a murder scene
But who knew with blood dripping out of view
Who knew anything before it happened to them
I’m not you and you can’t be me
You’re not me and I can’t be you
Drifting further from the point I’m avoiding
These suicidal tendencies aren’t anything new
No one is no longer taking my calls for no reason
Pounding numbers into a broken receiver
This world is so much bigger than me and you
Paradox has to mean more than two
Doesn’t feel that way scratching over healing wounds
The light grows darker before there’s a view
Cascading mountains frozen in an infinite landscape
There’s more to life than how we feel inside
I’ve never seen something so beautiful sitting still
Maybe one day you could see it all if you try
Better to stand on broken knees than give up before your time

Heavy… there at the end… wasn’t trying to be… happens from time to time… There’s probably a lot I should unpack… but I’m not… Moments come and go… they stack up… and they can feel like everything… they aren’t… There is more out there than what is in front of you… There is more out there than appears written at times… There’s more out there waiting for us to discover…

Our lives are what we make of them… I may never get everything I ever wanted… but I refuse to give up before my time… I refuse to listen the demons that dwell in my head… I accept that I might fail… but I refuse to accept failure… Keep trying and see what you find… Hope all is well…