Lemonade and Glass Keeping This Alive… part 4

 

Part 1Part 2Part 3

 

Heart-shaped Box by Nirvana (Lemons)

I know, I know. How unoriginal of me. But I fucking love the shit out of this song and it is our list. Lol

I used to sing this song a lot while I was knocked up. I used to sway and sing it as if it were a lullaby. Especially given the lyrics and their possible meaning. Talks of Courtney Love’s “Tar pit trap” and “Meat eating orchid” … yeah… Damn women, using their lady bits to ensnare men since… forever. I joke, but it is partially true. But I just love this haunting melody and you simply can’t beat Kurt’s voice.

 

All You Ever Wanted by The Black Keys (Glass)

This duo… is insane… this track… this track is one that is a soundtrack for my life… another great track to walk into work too… or for the drive home… “All you ever wanted was for someone to treat you nice and kind”… “Take a step before running, Take a breath now before you die”… “When you work the streets darling, Make sure your sneaker laces get tied”… “I’ll be your black bird darling, Hanging on your telephone wire”… At one point I was going to write a TV show… years ago… this was to be the theme song to the show… the music fit the images in my head so well… oh well… shit happens… ideas change… fuck you cartoon network… 

 

Wicked Sensitive Crew by Dropkick Murphys (Lemons)

I love me some Celtic Punk and who are the kings of that? This song is just good. And the fact that they say “In Sydney they misunderstood us” … Well, that just sums up my hometown… I don’t have any strange memories associated with this song, I just like it.

“Yeah, we’re touchy, feely, sensitive guys. I ain’t ashamed I cried when Mickey died in Rocky II.” The band actually came out and said that they know the lyric is not correct, but “Rocky II” simply sounded better.

(Me again… stealing the thunder from down under… amazing band to see live… on a side note if you ever get a chance to see Flogging Molly live… take it… even if you aren’t a fan… they are one of those bands where the records don’t do them justice… Like the Murphy’s…)

 

Cookie Thumper by Die Antwoord (Glass)

(I did edit out the first two minutes of this video… I know not cool… but you can always start it over if you want…)

I’m not a fan of this intro… because I want to get to the song… but it sets up the rest of the song and no one said you had to love everything one of your favorite bands does… Do I like this band because they are awesome?.. Do I like this group because of the lyrics?… Because of their style?… Their personality of not giving a fuck?… Because Yolandi is the sexiest woman I have ever seen?… Who the fuck knows…. But I can’t get enough… Zef for Life… “I smell lovely because I don’t eat meat”…

 

Already Gone by Powderfinger (Lemons)

I need to add an Aussie band in every now and then. I have zero idea if anyone outside of Australia knows who these guys are… Surely you do? Right?

Well, if you have never heard this song, please listen then come back and tell me if you do not relate to this fucking song.

“You’ve been working all your life. All weekends and overtime.” Who hasn’t been there?

“All these things are on your mind. And you can’t relax in a scheduled life” yep… I feel that…

“So keep your love forever young” … true story.

All work and no play. Love and relationships not being what they once were, or never were but should have been. Yep. All of those things. Sing it guys.

 

Wave of the Mutilation by The Pixies

It’s the fucking Pixies… that and that alone is enough… also, check out the UK Surf version… because somehow they took a great track and made it better… The Pixies…

 

That went quicker than I expected… Next week we add five more songs each to the playlist…and tell more stories about how they inspire us… See you then…

Ambrose (Glass)

Shedding The Dead Skin

my side would it have made a difference?… these questions have no answers… these questions, therefore, are not real questions at all… they are only lingering thoughts that haunt me in times of sadness and despair…

Left a little space for what I have to say
Fuck off and go away

My head is not on right today
As though I’ve run out of things to say

With scars so deep it is amazing I can even sleep

try to not focus on them, to dwell on them, but I always know they are still there… my daughter has become a constant reminder of this… I look at her sometimes as she sleeps, as she plays, and all I can think is how could anyone walk away from her?… walk away from their child?… hurt their child?…

Like a shotgun blast to the chest, I’m back and I’m dead. Can’t stand all the words in my head.

We are all running from something

Finding a place to fill in my heart
That place between living and dying

yet I am proof that it can happen… not only a witness… a victim… still I don’t understand… a real thought… turns into so many real questions… maybe it was always meant to be this way?… to feel this way?… 

The worst part of being alive
Is knowing that you are human

I’m on the wrong side of hating it
Wrong side of hate

I’m surprised you haven’t gone onto choke on a dick yet

do I believe in God?… should I?… if this is her way of testing me… could she stop?… I think I’ve had enough… who cares what I think… when I’ve never had a say… faith… like the questions… is something… I don’t understand…

Drowning angels in a river of sin
Sure there’s got to be an easier way

This is how you kill an hour
Staring at a wall

Too pissed to say anything that means anything
Mind cluster fucked by all the shit you can’t seem to say

You look back and think this is fucked up, this part was wrong, but in reality, this is life… Nothing ever goes perfectly… Nothing goes to plan… Do the best you can and hope for even more… There’s no script for this shit… It just is or isn’t… sometimes… in some ways… it can be both…

It’s symbolic of the way I feel

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Ghost small

Missing you with every passing moment
Haunting you in the dark
Right there all along
Watching you
With
A
Haunted
Love

The Ungame… Turn 2…

For those unfamiliar with The Ungame… well this might be awkward… 

 

This week’s question… What does America mean to you?

First a side note… because of course… This was actually the first question that I saw when I opened the box… thought it was a little heavy for week one… but week two why not?…

Good old America… as some of you may know… I grew up outside of the United States… so my opinion will vary drastically or it won’t… to me America was always this place I was from… but I didn’t understand… a land of contradictions… a land of freedoms and a fuck ton of restrictions on them… on the flip side of all of that… my mother’s job for most of my life was to protect those freedoms… 

To me, America is a land of opportunity… I like to believe that anyone… can come here and do whatever they dream… a hazy childlike approach to our great country I know… how much of it is true?… very little… more so than other countries… sure… growing up from the outside… I don’t believe that we are the greatest country… or the worst… I also don’t believe there is any country that is the “greatest”… some are different… some have better things… some shit is exactly the same… nationalism is important to a certain degree… I witnessed that first hand when I went to China…

What I saw there… shaped my view of America… what I saw for the first time… was so different… so extreme… selling this way harder than I need too… When I was in China (2006)… the last night I believe… our tour group went to a fancy restaurant in Beijing… to try some type of duck… I was young… the moments weren’t all important… as we passed the locals and were led to this large second room full of foreigners each at their own large table… Germans… Koreans… Australians… Norwegians… Japanese… other’s I imagine… the room was packed… the room was loud… so many languages at once…

The Americans… were led to our table… we took our seats… some of us whispering to each other… could barely hear the person next to me… as she complained that she wasn’t going to eat the duck because of the bird flu… ignorance… but she was older… had a lot left to live for… I guess… we all do in a sense… as we sat there in silence… it became obvious that the other groups weren’t just talking loudly… they were singing… laughing… drinking in their own culture in a faraway land… while our table tried to not stare at one another… I’m as guilty as the rest… I didn’t say much beyond thank you when my food arrived… What would we even say to each other?… What do we have in common?…  

I was surrounded by strangers… at the table… around it… in the building… even though it felt odd… it also felt very normal… America is a melting pot… we take the best of all the cultures around us… but we never learned to actually unite those ideas… we visit them… dip our toes in… but we don’t understand them… our cities… our states… are segregated to a point… much of it has to do with money… but it also has to do with culture… sure anyone can move to any part of town they want too… but just like I knew to not speak at that table… we know where we should be and where we shouldn’t… Too bad the government never figured that out… Land of contradictions as I said… 

 

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Lemonade and Glass Goes On… Are You Listening?…

 

Day 1 and Day 2… or the last few months… 

Hello peeps! Yep, we are trying to post these a little more frequently. Wish us luck and enjoy our songs for this week.

Lemons

It is that time once again to add tracks to this monster list we are creating…

My new tracks… (Glass)

  1. All You Ever Wanted- The Black Keys
  2. All Night- Icona Pop
  3. Silenced- Mudvayne
  4. Wave of Mutilation- Pixies
  5. Cookie Thumper- Die Antwoord

Lemon’s new tracks (Lemons)

  1. Living Dead Girl – Rob Zombie
  2. Violent Pornography – System Of A Down
  3. Heart-Shaped Box – Nirvana
  4. Wicked Sensitive Crew – Dropkick Murphy’s
  5. Already Gone – Powderfinger

 

All Night by Icona Pop (Glass)

I noticed on my last set of songs I chose a lot of similar sounding or genre songs so, this month I decided to add more diversity… because really that is how I listen to music… all over the place…

What an Icona Pop song choice from the asshole with blood on everything?… yeah… I’m actually a big fan… I don’t know why… because I’m broken?… no idea… but this track I do know why I like it… It reminds me of my good friend Mel… or Melon… “We always dreamed about this better life”… and one day it will happen or it won’t but at least we have each other… 

 

Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie (Lemons)

I have this very vivid section of my life. I remember I spent most of my time either wandering around the bush out the back or in my room reading and listening to music. 1998… I lived for the Bride Of Chucky soundtrack. This was my intro to Rob Zombie and many other artists. I would have actually picked another track from this album but it wasn’t on Spotify.  I could so easily just go back to this part of my life and relive it over and over again. Not because anything really amazing happened, but because it was just … nice. Little Lemons loved her creepy fantasy books and horror movies… oh, how times have changed….

This song also makes me car dance like a mofo. “Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable lust for the dead?”

(Don’t mean to steal your thunder… But I also love this video… this one and Dragula… any of his videos though…Glass) 

 

Silenced by Mudvayne (Glass)

This track is one of the few off their second album that I enjoyed and by the time their third album came out I was no longer a fan of them… they got insanely popular with the track Happy and I found myself pretending I never even heard of them… Their first album L.D. 50 is still one of the best albums I have ever heard…(Tracks to check out… ProdNothing to Gein… and Under My Skin…) I still listen to this album daily… the bass and drums on this track are amazing… and the lyrics are relatable… I love the use of silence in this track as well… “Listen here”… “I feel God damn nothing”… “Fuck you and everything you are”…

 

Violent Pornography by System of a Down (Lemons)

Shit, I love this song. Vulgarity steeped in that “Fuck the man” thing that System loves so much, it is just so damn good. Every time I listen to System of a Down, I find myself trying to test myself, trying to twist my lips and tongue around the words in the quick, rubbery way they do.

I listened to this album every day, in the car, to and from work for… too long. And I am still not sick of it. And this is one of those songs where part of me wants to turn it down because of the level of offensiveness, but the majority of me, the winning majority, just thinks… nah… and keeps singing.

 

That’s it for me this week… I guess you could say that I am silenced…

 

I, however, am not silenced. Which is no surprise to anyone. I think every time we post one of these it will be its own thing. I am not exactly the most consistent person. But, they will all have good music.

Lemons

 

 

Check back next Sunday when we finish out this list… in the meantime… enjoy the music… 

Ambrose (Glass)

 

 

It’s A Funny Story… Even If It Isn’t…

Trying something new… Imagine that… I haven’t written anything new outside of poetry and the new story I am working on… Sadly that isn’t for the website… Redoing my next book… well kind of… I had this whole theme I was running through the whole book… I didn’t like it… not the story, but the theme… or the idea… shit happens… so I am overhauling a few things… and none of this matters… 

Recently I have decided that I’m really into boardgame boards… it is for an art project that I have locked in my head… so I went to my local Goodwill… and picked up any that I found interesting… one of them happened to be the Match Game… or so I thought… what I actually got was some came from the 70’s called The Ungame… yeah I had never heard of it either… more about the history of the game here… well the point of the game is to start a conversation or get you talking… the concept is just lame enough that I am in love with it… so at least once a week… I will be posting a question from the game… there are a fuck ton of questions… I will give my answer and then it is your turn… yeah… we are going to play a little game… 

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This Week’s Question

What activity do you engage in that involves all of you: your mind, your body, and your soul?

(Softball question I know… It’s the first week…) The most obvious answer for me is writing… I put everything into this… my books… and my projects… so I’m not going to waste your time telling you something you could have guessed…So I am going to have to go with the thing that takes more of me than writing… My daughter… 

Mind… my daughter tests me every day with her three million questions about the same thing… or when she says… “I show you… I show you”… when she wants me to hear her sing… as I am trying to put out a grill fire… life be damned… stop and look at me… or when I have to hear Twinkle Twinkle Litte Star one more damn time… when all I want to do is listen to my favorite song… 

Body… whether she is digging her tiny little feet into me like I don’t exist… or swinging her arms at me like a crazed mad woman when she doesn’t want to leave the park… making me look like a kidnapper or awful person… or screaming into my ear to the point that it rings… because why not… “You’re so funny”… No, I’m so deaf now… 

Soul… because I would give her mine without a second thought… even if it was to add only one more second to hers.. she is one wild crazy ass child… but every moment with her is worth whatever it cost… I don’t think the meaning of life is to create life… but I do believe that she has become my purpose in this world…

 

Can’t wait to hear your answer to the question… Even if it is writing… what are you working on?… Until it is my turn again… check out my wares at AmazonThreadless… 

 

Broken Thoughts

Gunshots in the distance
Another life robbed of its innocence
Plagued by those around me
Fear that maybe were too similar
For existence
Said you’d exist but did we ever
Bleeding thoughts from your mind
Symptoms so familiar
As if I read it off the back of a piece of paper
Think you know what’s wrong with everyday
Breaking down the thoughts to prove how wrong
I like your ideas, so smart of you
So sad just how sad all of this makes us
Like sawing off a limb for no reason at all
Sure we have our reasons but do we
Time has taught us so much about nothing at all
Where to be when we aren’t needed
Where in the day we’ve started staring at the floor
Who could have known time would have ever been
So important to what we know
Do onto others as they do to you
Only works if you are doing the right thing
But who is right? When we are all wrong?
Think you own me, have no idea what that entails
Are you really ready to take control?
Didn’t think so, so go ahead and let go
Let me know when you’re ready to destroy
Tell me when you know
How horrible it is to grow old
Desolate, destination unknown
Feel your hands gripping my soul
So go ahead and let go
Let it all go, slave to a system that enslaved you
Nothing more than a fascist statement
Carbon copy of those around you
You’re rebelling against what you don’t even know
So different yet all the same
Fit into something, bring me the leader
Hydra with so many heads
The masters never intended for any of this
To survive
Nothing has ever been built to last

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Would seem that these thoughts fall into the political realm… oddly they were written about my job… so not quite as epic in scope… but if you put your life under the microscope you may find that the things happening on a world scale… are also happening right there in front of you… the consequences aren’t as dire as a nuclear blast… but that doesn’t mean it can’t hurt as much as one… think about it… pain is subjective to how you feel… not what someone else can take… we like to compare someone else’s pain to our own… they aren’t comparable… relatable?… sure… do others have it worse?… always… doesn’t down grade your suffering though… as comforting it may be to think about…

If you want to help others… you have to help yourself first… In New York… and possibly other places… we have this theory… saying… whatever… about people falling on ice… Never catch them… Stop them… Let them fall… it sounds awful… what piece of shit person sees someone falling and does nothing?… But there is a reason… can’t help someone if you both are in need of help… who will help the two of you?…

It is things like that… that makes me miss the cold… the bitter truth of life… the honesty of trying to survive… something lost in translation depending on where you live… Same goes for pain… hurt… suffering… no one knows exactly how you feel… that’s what this line means to me… “Let it all go, slave to a system that enslaved you,”… it is me rationalizing that my bosses aren’t just assholes… (though they may be… never rule anything out…) but rather they are suffering just like me… a different way… sure… everyone is only trying to survive… I double down on this idea with this line… “Fit into something, bring me the leader”… This idea that you are in charge is a false idea… there are so few of us on the planet who are actually in charge of our lives… and it isn’t even the ones that you think… those of us that fit into society… locked into in… lack the necessary means to be in control of our lives…

That is what we trade for structure… we trade fear… suffering for peace of mind… but someone forgot to mention… these things can’t be traded… given away… they evolve like a virus… becoming stronger over nothing… we become plagued by these fear that we thought we left… that we forget the point of life is to live… that winning isn’t the mansion… the fast car… the nice clothes… but breathing another day… an idea that is lost in translation… uncomparable between different parts of the earth… some of us have it easier… but better?… what is better?… 

There are things to get angry about and things to just brush aside… the problem with the world isn’t that we are all wrong… it is that we are not focused… “Hydra with so many heads”… No battle is ever won by throwing everything you have at once… it takes focus… no one can truly understand what is going on by trying to figure it all out at once… 

 

 

Broken Reality

This is something I would only say to my best friend, but since that is you and since you aren’t you anymore. I have to feel. I have to live as though I am alone. I see you every day. Walking by me as if this is all normal. Walking by me like everything is okay. The hardest part wasn’t what happened. Yes, that was a lot of shit to just take in. The hardest part. The thing I can’t say to you or talk about with you. Has everything to do with you and nothing to do with you. It’s why I can only say it to my best friend, someone I trust, and not whatever this is. The hardest part of all of this. Is going from thinking I’m spending the rest of my life with this one person to I hope I never have to see them again. Seeing you every day is a constant reminder of these feelings that won’t go away. Pretending to smile feels like a thousand knives. Lying when you ask what’s wrong feels like another part of me is dying.

None of this matters. All words that can’t be said. That don’t need to be said. All words locked inside my head. Replaying them over and over again.

The ashes they burn
The hell I have created heats up
Something needs to happen
None of the answers are acceptable
The tears as real as the pain
Forever escaping me, not an option
Your opinion on the events
Broken train of thought
Broken life I have to live
Shattered into nothing
Left chewing on what’s left
What is left when all hope is gone?
A long time coming, slow-moving
Slow to act, now left with the damned
The truth will set you free
The truth will leave you in a shallow grave
Life is a waste, built on past mistakes
Far worse than death, a sentence pierced into my head
If only I could think of anything else
Anything beyond the nothingness
So lost that it hurts
When you think this could be the best
When you think this could be the worst
Hold tight, the undertow is only a thing
Until it takes a hold
Drags you deeper and deeper
Open your eyes
Then you can see, clearly, this is all there ever was for you
Pain

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This is going to be a long month… a long lifetime…purging myself of all this shit… figuring out who I am again… rebuilding a broken corpse of a man once again…  been keeping busy… okay… I have been busy staring at a wall… feeling sorry for myself… hopefully, that will all be done soon… in the meantime… prepare for a lot of heartbreak… 

Still, have shirts up on Threadless… didn’t get around to designing any new ones like I had hoped… books still available on Amazon… Until next time… take care… and remember nothing is forever… so enjoy it… whatever it is… while it lasts…