Chewing On Glass…

After a decade of lies
I no longer have a passion deep inside
All I can see is how all of this was a waste of time
Editing between the lines
A storm is coming in but the storms
All ready been here all this time
After a decade of lies
I no longer have a heart deep inside
All I can see is hit it was wasted on nothing
Trying to survive between the lines
A funeral is on the horizon but the funeral
Has already been here for some time
A decade of lying to myself
Will take away everything deep inside
Thinking between the lines
A truth hidden in plain sight
Already knew what I failed to accept
This past decade have been a waste of my time

Little by little I will complete my life’s work…

I find that I’m happiest
About things that don’t matter at all
Sounded so much better in my head
Then on this paper or with this pen
Dealing with my purpose in the world
A battle I’ve been fighting since I was a kid
Doesn’t matter but it feels like it should
Living never meant much until it started to end
Depression sinking me in and I’m sure I know
I’m certain I’m the one that does this to myself
Still, I don’t know where it is that it comes from
Searching for this purpose has only led
Me to this singular conclusion that I find
Happiness in things that don’t matter at all
The sound of a drum, the structure of a sentence
The space between that proves an existence
That’s where you’ll find me if you bother to look

You can change your habits but you can’t rewrite the narrative…

Gave up before I gave in
Same side of the coin
Different perspective in the end
Gave up before I could give in
Same thing I do every time
Different objective same outcome
Gave up before I gave in
Same side of the coin
Different perspective they say
Know what I mean
Are you me? In my head?
Coming out of the page?
Confused and no different as before
Walking neon tubes filled with nothing
Misguiding me to places I don’t need to be
Always welcome, but if I stay
I know I’ll die before the rest of me
Can give up because it means I gave in

Got real personal with this one… I like what I wrote… because I wrote it… rewrote it… and presented it to you… but I really like the first broken thought the best…

If you have been a long time fan… you know that I deal with doubt… a lot… doubt in myself… doubt in what I am doing… I’m drowning in it to be honest… and I’m not sure what part of me it comes from…

I know I am pretty shy… I don’t think people really care… I mean these Broken Thoughts come from things I have been thinking about… it isn’t a hard stretch to see… that hidden behind the mask is a human being… Hidden behind every mask is a human being…

What I am saying is life is scary… but you shouldn’t be afraid of who you are inside… Unless you are a serial killer… might want to keep that shit under wraps… Society will accept a lot… but homicide for the most part is frowned upon… Hope all is well…

Bonus Content– I worked on this next piece with my daughter… she wasn’t amused but it seemed relevant to me…

“Maury has a birthday every day. He is 3264 years old and he is from the planet Neptune. Where the atmosphere is mostly made of diamonds or maybe it was glass. Most importantly he has been dead longer than the earth has been alive, but he hasn’t let this slow him down. Maury is what we call a man of the people. If Maury decides to eat three of his four apples. How many apples does Maury have?”

“What are you asking me?”

Huff… “If Maury has a birthday every day.”

“No, I heard you. What does any of that have to do with apples?”

“I don’t know. It’s part of my homework.”

“What is your homework to confuse the fuck out of everyone around you?”

“Dad.”

“The answer is one, but the real answer is that someone isn’t giving up on their dream of being a writer and there’s something to be said about that.”

Remember if all else fails… You can get a job writing word problems for children… Never give up… There’s something out there for all of us…