Chewing On Glass…

I’m not sure what it is
The constant sorrow or the lack of sound
Washing away the ashes I’ve left behind
Is it any wonder that none of this is a crime
I’m not sure what it is but it can’t be okay
The constant sorrow or the lack of vision
Washing away the ground back into the sea
Is it any wonder that none of this is any different
I’m not sure what it is
The constant sorrow or the lack of sound
Washing away the thoughts living in my head
Is it any wonder that none of this is coming back
I’m not sure what it is anymore
Me or life working itself out

Sell us your soul… What do we care?…

Thoughts of the end
In only so many forms
I’d say it matters
But trust me it doesn’t
Whether or not
I press the blade deeper
Or take care of myself
No one’s going to know
When any of this is going
To be any better than it was
There’s a theme this evening
And it’s not dictated
By the amount of kale
I decide to eat or not
The theme is called me
And the thoughts in my head
In only so many forms
I’d say any of it mattered
But trust me it doesn’t
It’s all going to end
And I’m sure it will be
All my fault
Here or some place better
Hell can be heaven if you like
Just as much as heaven could be hell
There’s a theme this evening
Try as hard as you like
I’ll still find a way to ride this out
For better or worse
I’ll still be sitting right here

There’s no real difference the shorter these get…

Want to be rich enough
That I don’t have to do anything
Sit around and dream of things
I couldn’t do any way
Want to be happy enough
To know that this is the best
Any of this was ever going to be
Want to be me enough
That everyone notices I’m something special
More than I am and great than everyone else
Want to be anything than what it is I am
Because what I am is nothing
No better than you or them
Equal to but less than zero
If I knew the answers to the questions
I’d have sold them for less than they’re worth
Because I may be broken but I’m not stupid

Went a little off script there at the end… Not sure it really works… but I also don’t really care all that much… More or less the real theme for today… Grinding off the rust… and wiping away the rust…

Working to get things done… and not feeling very confident about any of it… Been tired lately… Tired of not sleeping… and not sleeping because I’m tired… Very much a cycle I find my way into from time to time… The pleasant feeling of fire of working through out the night… the candle’s going to die out at some point…

Not sure there is enough caffeine left for me to ever feel whole again… I was told that at a certain point… some of any of this was going to pay off… Wouldn’t have been so bad if someone had mentioned that it was paid out in insomnia and a poor sense of self… Hard sale though knowing you are never going to sleep ever again…

In case you didn’t know… I’m talking about adult hood and this is a reference to a song stuck in my head… a poor reference but a reference none the less… Each day comes and I guess it is only another chance to grow up…

Doesn’t feel any different than the last… Just a bit slower… a few more aches and pains… Something is around the corner… I can feel it in my bones… in the spaces in between…

Hope all is well because this is probably the best it’s ever going to be… For today at least…