Chewing On Glass…

Because walking a straight line
Is considered a waste of time
Taking the long way is the only way I know
Simply getting through this wasn’t the goal
And I think it shows with the words I know
Parts shifting and breaking internally
Stuck in an endless loop with the same people
The earth could be flat and I wouldn’t notice
A spells been broken in this reality for some time
Goodbye. Seems to impolite given the meaning
Too tired of dying on this vine to explain
All the reasons none of this feels the same
You’ve killed this feeling in me enough times
Not even sure you notice what it is you do
To the people around you…

We don’t know the lyrics for this one either…

Distractions aren’t so hard to come by
It is as though this depression was built from nothing
My hands are dirty but my hair is clean
Couldn’t sit around sweating all the passion out of me
Smoking hasn’t brought the same satisfaction I thought
The death I was promised hasn’t been a real problem
Instead I feel like shit and it gets harder to breathe
Could have been so much more, but could I have been?
Life likes to make you regret living it either way
There isn’t a time or place where everything is okay
So where am I sitting on this timeline of shit
Does it matter when it hurts so much to sit so still
It isn’t as though this depression was built from nothing
My hands are dirty and my feet aren’t any cleaner
Marching through step by step without getting any further
The ground shifts the more you sweat the little things
Complacent to the current times as they pass you by
Don’t feel so old until I have to stop and think
Where it is I’m going and what it was that I was doing
Time means so many different things to so many people
Wish I could say I knew what it was that it meant to me
Sadly there just wasn’t enough time for such silly things
Drank most of it away before I realized each moment
Was only me digging my own grave standing in place
It wasn’t as though this depression was built from nothing

Predetermined destiny doesn’t mean anything…

The ashes they’re piling up inside
Dying slowly I was told
Is the only way to live
With each dying breathe
It has become all that I know
Proudly living until I die
Said I knew the reason
Think I may have lied
To myself more than anyone else
Confidence isn’t the same
As actually knowing what is happening
Ranting and raving isn’t anything more
Than kindling burning up inside of me
Actions speak louder than even my words
It’s too bad either one had to go unheard
Because the truth is I thought I was more
Than the ramblings of an unclean mind

Really stretching the meaning of broken with these thoughts lately… If I keep this up… I’m going to have to change the name of my series… Not really sure why they are so long and tangled together… Some of it was getting back into the rhythm of things… A lot of it is probably because I have too much to say…

Either way let’s get into breaking these things down… First one is pretty clear… It is about my shitty job and how much it feels like everyone is trying to kill me for the sin of… dramatic pause… doing my job… As we all know this is the ultimate sin one can perform at their job… I’m a real piece of shit for completing my tasks and wanting to go home…

It is almost as though I don’t care about a place that doesn’t care about me… It is almost as if I knew when I signed up for an hourly labor job… I knew what the fuck I signed up for… I thought we had a pretty basic arrangement… I show up… take the shit from the truck… put the shit on your shelves… and go home… in exchange you give me money…

Turns out that is not what I signed up for… apparently… I signed up to do everyone else’s job… because they are too busy writing emails… having congratulations parties for a job they didn’t do… showing up late because why the fuck not… Seriously… they don’t even make up excuses any more… It is like having a reason is beneath them… Why would you even ask that?… and the list goes on…

The second one is pretty clear as well… It’s about my shitty job and how much it feels… haha… Could you imagine?… I can… but I won’t bore you with the details… That’s what my wife is for… I’m pretty sure she is ready to quit my job for me… If that makes you feel better… The second one is about depression and working through the shit just to feel an ounce of inspiration…

And finally passage or thought number three… is about how I am more than just these stupid rants… I want to be more than just the stupid rants guy… But when the dark lord gives you a gift… You are obligated to piss it away… It is in the Bible after all…

“Thou shall give the world the gift I have bestowed upon them. Also, women have the right to choose what they want to do with their bodies. Whether YOU like it or not. That is YOUR choice to make YOUR decision. Thou shall not be jealous of the gays because they are cooler than you. Rather try working on being as cool as them. Get a shirt with some flowers on it. Who gives a shit? Learn to be happy with yourself before you start telling other people how they should love. And cross the rest of this shit out after this because obviously you can’t separate truth from fiction if you have to be read to from the same damn book every Sunday like a child. By the way I get writer’s block. Trust me I get it, but to not have a follow up book by now is pretty fucking sad and lame. Like not even one new passage? Not even one update is madness. We know about viruses and shit. We figured out plumbing. Plumbing. You know the thing we have that if we didn’t we’d still be shitting in buckets. If we didn’t figure out plumbing there would literally be a bucket for shit next to you right now. Just kidding you probably still shit in your hand and wonder what it tastes like. Hugs and kisses.”

The Bible, pg. 1

Some people stopped by today… I told them not to give me a pen… I get creative with a pen in my hand… even more so when the fire starts to burn… Have an amazing weekend… Hope all is well…