Chewing On Glass…

Space is a prison
I’ve written myself into a hole
I can’t seem to get myself out of
Confused it’s like I don’t know
But I do so the confusion grows
My words are getting blurry
Space is a prison we don’t understand
Makes sense though I don’t know why that is
Can’t seem to express this feeling I have inside
It feels like drowning but I’m fine
It feels a lot like cracking but I’m fine
It feels a whole lot like I’m falling apart
Sitting under the pressure of not knowing
What it is I’m saying about time and space
This hole in me grows deeper
The further I go on so confused
It’s like I don’t know
But I do so the feeling grows
Space is a prison cell
Gifted to me and you

My head feels like it is caving in…

Can’t force something that isn’t there
But believe me I will try
I’ll push and I’ll pull
Until there is nothing left
For no better reason
I’ll swing from side to side
With my own heart strings
For no real reason
I’ll drown myself
With my own blood
I don’t even need a reason
When feeling sorry for myself
Comes so naturally

I want to jam this pen in my throat…

Feel so uncertain right now
A black hole in my head distracting me
Every thought is coming loose… undone
Can’t focus on anything to see it through
Every thought is coming undone… unravelling
If I could I’d dig a hole straight into the ground
Live there forever… and I’d be fine
No better or worse than I feel sitting here
Feeling so uncertain about everything
The black hole has eclipsed me again
My hands around my throat
Doesn’t make a very good noose
But I feel the pressure all the same
If I could I’d let this all go to hell
Live there forever… and I’d be fine
No better or worse than I feel sitting here
Wondering why it is that I’m still alive
Feeling so uncertain right now
A black hole in my head distracting me
Every thought about laying down… dying
Can’t focus on anything to see it through
Every thought is about dying… disappearing
If I could I might have done it already
Live there forever… and I’d be fine
No better or worse than I feel inside

The problem with writing these so far in advance… and disconnecting from the world around me as much as I can… is that have no idea what the hell is going on right now as we speak… We could be in the middle of some serious shit… Who the fuck knows… I seriously doubt it… But maybe…

Instead of wasting any of our time predicting what dumpster fire we might possibly be in now… I’m going to bitch about my dog… I thought I was mentally unstable… but this piece of shit… almost makes me feel like I have life figured out… most of the time… Dial it back… I know all lives are precious… but are they really?…

Think about that on your own time… Instead get on board with me about how shitty this dog is… I used to believe that horse shit about how dogs… cats… pets… take on the traits of their owners… Until I met this RV park trailer trash asshole… or if you prefer… proof that we should never play God…

I can’t express how much I hate to be proven right… It really bothers me… deep down in my soul… I don’t know why… I’m broken… and I need to be proven wrong… I enjoy it… maybe because it means that I can learn something… Being right is just so boring… What does that matter?…

Because I knew we shouldn’t have taken this garbage ass dog in… I knew when my parents went out of their way to save the dying puppies of some dog they rescued… that it was going to be bad… But we all went and played God any way… What were we supposed to do?… Let these three tiny puppies’ lives expire?… Turns out yes…

I don’t believe in God… but that doesn’t mean we should just go around pretending to be one… It’s complicated… my feelings on a lot of things… And if you think my conclusion was out of hand… I’ll have you know their own mother doesn’t want anything to do with them… She acts like she doesn’t even know where they came from… You bitch… They came from you…

Dogs aren’t humans… Humans aren’t dogs… Doesn’t mean we don’t need each other… but we are not one in the same… That’s nature… that’s the way it is… and that is not me being an asshole… Those are the facts… You got a problem with that… That is on you… Talk to whatever it is you believe in…

Now back to this piece of shit… who feels the need to bark at nothing at random times of the day… at full volume as though the house is getting invaded… Tries to bite every kid my daughter brings home… including her… Doesn’t like to be petted… but he must be touched or he freaks out… sometimes while being touched… It’s fucking madness…

He once head butted me and forced himself on me because I didn’t want to pet him… then tried to bite me for petting him… What in the absolute fuck?… Growling at me like I was taking advantage of him… I only took in this monster to help my parents with their two monsters… and my family regrets it more and more with each day…

I know what you are thinking… What kind of conditions are you keeping him under?… What horrible things are you doing to this dog for him to act this way?… Nothing… not a god damn thing… He gets all the toys… treats… and attention that anyone of us works our whole lives to obtain…

He lives like a princess on his many thrones around the house… We saved his bitch ass from a life of living in a parking lot… from having to learn how to sleep in the Texas heat… from fighting for scraps outside of a casino… From an existence in which he is not living…

And he acts like we owe him something… So… why don’t we just give away this princess ass dog we hate… bury him in a shallow grave as he was destined… or open the door and see where the lord takes him?… Well because look at him…

Hope all is well…