Chewing On Glass…

If it hasn’t by now then it never will
Haunted visions of what I could have been
Slowly… surely… Dying on the vine
Withered skin peeling back
Becoming what I’ve always feared
If it hasn’t happened by now
Then it will never be alright
Slowly sipping at the poison in my head
Always believed I’d never die… A Lie
Thoughts racing through my mind
None of this is what I thought I’d become
If it hasn’t by now then it never will
Lost in a swirling sea of endless change
No one wanted me for what I wanted to be
No one’s ever been what I needed them to be
At the crossroads of what I’ve begun
Who I am and a crashing wave of reality
Drowning… Not sure where to go
A city, a town, an existence under water
All I know… hurts the soul
If it hasn’t happened by now
Then it never will… poison in my head

There isn’t much left to say about the abuse that you give…

There’s a sickness in my head
It brings me down and I can’t rest
Not good enough to settle the sound
It rages on with no end
Hurting any chance I’ll get out of this
Alive…
The sound comes from deep inside of me
Draining my beating heart
Shaking my bones apart
There’s a sickness breeding in me
Tearing me apart from inside
Never wanted the burden of life
Something in me chose an invisible path
To self-destruction and endless suffering
Something’s broken in me and I can’t fix it
There’s a sickness in my head
It tells me it wished that I was dead
There’s a sickness in my head
It assures me that life is worth living
There is a sickness in my head
And I no longer know which one to believe
This sickness called me

There’s no more need with so much wanting…

Sinking deeper and I can’t see
The trees anymore under the surface
The rain came down… now it never leaves
Sinking deeper and I can’t breathe
This poison you’ve left behind for me
The fire came raining down… now I’m
Sinking deeper and I can’t believe
The people before me couldn’t hear a thing
The warning signs were there
Just didn’t care
Poisoned the rivers… Drained the lakes
Laid the concrete down thicker
Now these fools want to play the victim
Sinking deeper under their own dead weight
What we leave behind… A legacy of brutality

Why does it always feel like it is never ending?… One more cycle after another and still going strong… Why does it always feel like nothing is ever enough?… One more cycle after another and still going strong…

It may not seem like it… but I try really hard to stay positive… Obviously because I’m still around… Everything tastes gross in my mouth… each word circling around in my thoughts… Impatient… I have felt very impatient as of lately… As though the world owes me something… The days are ticking by… one less than the day before… but the fact remains the same…

The world doesn’t owe me anything… Existence is not about what you can get… it has always been about what you can give… Day to day reality… there isn’t a single one of us not giving it everything we can… Obviously because most of us are still around… A few more than others misguided… My God maybe the sun… but it doesn’t mean I have to let it burn me alive…

Knowledge is useless if you don’t bother to use it… there’s no reason to go on learning… if all you are going to do with it is drag others behind you… Life evolves… we evolve… there is no timeline on this shit… there is no right age… or right time… There is only what we know… and what we know is that we aren’t done learning yet…

We’ve come so far… but we have so much further to go… So much more to see and do… so much more to learn and teach… Evolution doesn’t come easy… it comes at a cost… and it isn’t always the easiest way to get things done… No one likes change… so they say… but without even knowing it… we change each and every day… growing stronger… growing weaker… growing smarter… growing dumber by the second…

Don’t get lost in the words… the things you want to hear… get lost in the things that you don’t… and figure out why… Justify your reasons by your own accord… and not by those of others… You don’t have to agree with anything I’ve said… You only have to understand it for what it is… One opinion in a tapestry of so many more left unheard…

Society is not about what you want it to be… It is about what we make it… Together we evolve… Together we fall… It may seem as though some rise above it all… It is an illusion… An illusion we place on ourselves… You think your way is the only way… I’ve got news for you… Go fuck yourself… You think you’re not part of this… I’ve got news for you… Go fuck yourself too…

In this together… Stop fucking up evolution… just because you think you are too afraid to face the change… Change comes… even to those that go out of their way to avoid it… Embrace it or get swept away… Never was enough just to say it… Hope all is well… Doing my part the best I can…