Chewing On Glass…

Burning through life like a junkie
With nothing to lose…
Living wasn’t worth what they told me it was
This isn’t a fucking race
It’s a marathon that doesn’t end
Think I’m going to be sick
The needles in my back… filled with lies
Running low on my own supply
Living wasn’t what they said it would be
This isn’t dramatic observation
It’s a god damn tragedy
Until it isn’t
Filled with speed bumps and shit
No one wants to do
Give anything for the time spent
Learning a lesson that should have been
Inherent
Burning through this life day to day
There’s never a way to make it change
Spinning harder… deeper in place
Gravity sinking in
The poison it drips through the skin
Supplies are running thin
Fading away from my own atmosphere
Inherited disbelief that I could have been
More than I put into myself

One day she isn’t going to need me and that feels like a ton of bricks slowly crushing everyone of my internal organs…

Never been happier in my whole life
Isn’t it obvious?
Smiling into the darkness
Marching through the shit
Like you wish you could
But until you understand
You’ll only drown like I used too
Never been happier can’t you tell?
Grinning into the darkness
Dying on a vine left out in the sun
Withered down to nothing
But until you understand
You’ll only die like I used too
Never been happier in my whole life
Isn’t it obvious?
Shit stuck between my teeth
Withered skin around my lips
I’ve never felt more alive
Until the day I let myself die
Inside… the body moves on just fine

Jesus… turn a light on… go out into the sun… Just kidding… I’m almost certain that the sun is actively trying to kill me… It has no interest in doing it quickly… but if you want to talk about God… I guess we can… I just don’t have much to say about the subject at the moment… Deflecting… I get it… I see the signs of what I am doing…

I’m not sure what it is that I want to do next… I know I have plenty of work to do… but I kind of want to watch a movie… work on a Gundam… and forget that I ever had dreams of my own… There’s no way it is Tuesday already… How do the days keep slipping away from me?… It must be this heat getting to me…

What’s crazy is that we have no idea what someone else is thinking… Until they say something… and yet we are all so afraid to say anything… Then again no one bothers to say anything until you’ve done something wrong… said the wrong thing… Pissed them off enough to let you in… And we dwell on why so many just get away with the smallest of infractions… I really got to stop thinking about work when I’m not there…

It is like a disease though… always dormient… resting within me until it is ready to infect my thoughts… I guess that is more like a virus… Asserting that it has a purpose beyond my own inherent sickness… There is no purpose for these thoughts… These concerns about a company that cares so little about what it is that I think… They want me to do more with my mouth closed… But why then even ask me?…

Tell me what you want so I can move on… I’ve given up… I surrender to your will… master and servant… “That’s not the right attitude to have.” And I hate to say it… they are right… What I mean to say… is your abuse… mentally… physically… What I want to say… Is go fuck yourself and your stupid mind games… Because of your uncertainty that there is more to this… when there isn’t… Is killing me… My true purpose… to die for your entertainment…

Sounds to me like you are just bored… and to that I say you need to find another hobby… A purpose beyond these four walls you’ve buried yourself within… Freedom isn’t inherent… it is a state of mind… like happiness… Asking for it doesn’t mean anything… Looking for it won’t produce results… It either is or it isn’t… I told you I don’t have much to say about God… But if you insist on pushing the subject… Know that I don’t believe in anything that doesn’t believe in me…