Chewing On Glass…

With a head so cloudy
Can’t see the sun for what it is
Even still
These feelings don’t want to die in me
Exposed and lying open
I don’t think either one of those
Means what I think it does
With a head so heavy
Feel like a zombie
Wandering through this slowly
These feelings don’t seem
To want to let go of me

“I had to take some time off for mental exhaustion. Nothing serious just an overwhelming sense of self harm based on people not bothering to show me any respect as a living breathing person. But no worries. I’m all better now as you can tell. With enough therapy things seem a whole lot better. What did my therapist say? She said we can’t let miserable people determine our self-worth. Their retroactive response is a form of jealousy that takes the form of disrespect because they haven’t recognized their own worthlessness in a world that doesn’t need them. What does that mean? It means I now have to work my way down a very long list,” hangs up the phone.

An infection has set in
For which there is no cure
Death grips my hand and I
Embrace its cold touch
Just like before
Just like all the times before
Only tin time I think
I am beyond ready to go
Infection…
Infection…
Infected with this thought
Infection…
Infection…
From which there is no resurrection

“You can climb to the highest mountain and you can almost see nothing at all. A vast wasteland of self-destruction that could have been something more, but never will be. Humanity couldn’t save itself without destroying everything else in its wake and nature didn’t have much of an opinion either way. People, animals, plants come and go, but the world lives on with or without them. As simple as that. Nothing more complicated has been invented to fix what we don’t already know.”

Jehovah Constantine, From the Bible of the Dead

The heat and the sunshine
Will do you some good
To know you will die sooner
Than you could bet
Paradise was never lost
But given away to the taste of fruit
The rain came next and then
You all know the rest
Shoveled down our throats
Until we couldn’t tell the difference
Between truth and facts
Happy death day to you as well
This could have been the end
If such a thing even existed
To a mother who doesn’t understand
The concept…

Really is a lot to talk about here… Packed it in pretty tight and all over the place… Decided to mix up the thought breaks with passages today… No reason… Came across them and I felt they needed to be shared… Might do something with them in a series I’m thinking of calling… Without Context It Doesn’t Make Much Sense… I’ll be the first to admit that it isn’t as catchy as Broken Thoughts… Rather wordy really…

I also have to admit the back half got pretty dark… pretty grime… Facts of life often are… I know there is a lot to say about what it is that I have said… But I’m not about to get all preachy… I’m not a hypocrite… and maybe that is a big part of my problem… Holding back from saying what it is that I really want to say… My guilt for contributing to a society that is only designed to destroy it self slowly over time… I’m not super religious… and I really don’t care if you are…

My big thing is as long as you aren’t hurting anyone… Then believe whatever you need to believe to get through the day… Because that’s all any of us are really trying to do… essentially… That’s all any of us should be trying to do… But with everything there is so much gray area… So much bullshit that gets in the way… Too many people trying to destroy the things that aren’t theirs… The nature of man… getting convoluted… Too many thoughts all at once…

I’m really not trying to do this today… So… I’m not… The short version of a roundabout trip… Just do the best you can… and if it isn’t enough?… Well… it probably wasn’t going to be any way… We all need to work harder at supporting each other… Work harder on knowing that no one person has all the answers… but together… Well… we’ve made it this far… Whatever this is… is what we got… So… let’s work harder on not throwing it away… Hope all is well…