Chewing On Glass…

The coldest part of the universe
Might very well be your heart
If it hurts as the blood pumps
Cascading through frozen chambers
It doesn’t mean you’re alive or dead
Life or something like it
I’d take either one over
Whatever this is meant to be
Drinking used to mean something to me
An escape I couldn’t escape from
My excuse to get down deeper
Now I’ve got nothing to blame
And everything feels the same somehow
These demons in my head
Are killing me
Lost moments I’ve discovered
Never had anything to do with me
The coldest part of the cosmos
May very well be your heart
But it isn’t any warmer over here
Pretending that either of us
Never meant anything to me

I got an idea… what if we have no idea?…

Locked into a lost idea
Thought maybe I knew
Not a clue about what
Any of this could mean to you
Walking away seems so much easier
With your tail between your legs
Facing the truth of the matter
Became locked into this lost idea
Know that I have failed myself
And no one else… Could you believe me?
Would you believe me if I told a lie?
Walking away seemed so much easier
Than facing the truth that I saw
Locked into this lost idea
That maybe I knew… possibly had a clue
What any of this could mean to you
What it meant living inside my head
Walking away was so much easier
Then facing the truth of my own abuse
Never really cared all that much
About myself or what that meant
Considered killing myself the only way out
When I was ready to walk away from this
Locked into this lost idea
That maybe I already knew
What any of this could mean
To me and you… to everyone…
If I just had walked away

That got pretty depressing… pretty damn quick… Isn’t it weird that the most depressing of things comes out of me… When I’m not even depressed?… Currently that is… Clearly… I was when I came up with the idea… It would be more disturbing if I wasn’t ever depressed at all… and still somehow came up with the same thoughts…

I’d argue that I was broken beyond repair… and I might very well still make that argument… but clearly… I’m still here… We are still here… and that has to mean something more than nothing… I’m aware that I have yet to address any current events… and I’m still not going to do it… Not because I don’t have an opinion about what has been going on… Not because none of it matters…

Simply I just don’t care to let it matter… to express one more opinion about nothing at all… You could say they won… that they finally did it… Someone or something has finally shut me up… But unfortunately… I don’t see it that way… I’m simply no longer entertained in any way shape or form by any of it…

If that is a victory for you… If that makes you feel special… I’m happy for you… And when you’ve finally finished pulling your head out of your ass… Give me a call… I’m ready to actually work on somethings… to move on past whatever in the fuck this is… Until then best of luck figuring out where your headed with so much shit in your eyes…

In other news… the sun is still going to rise… Hopefully that is… About the best we can hope for really… Day to day… In truth it is what all of us work so hard for in a sense… That the sun at least rises one more time for all us… Until the sun no longer shines… I hope all is well…