Chewing On Glass…

Can’t seem to push
Past this feeling in me
I know I have things to say
But I can’t say them
I know I have things to do
But I can’t do them
I know that I want more
But this is all I am…

Getting sleep isn’t looking good for me…

A lost out feeling
That keeps escaping me
Why does it matter
When it doesn’t

I’m in a dark place and I can’t get out…

There is an ugliness inside my head
It tells me I wish that I were dead
It weighs more than a thought
And less than anything I am

In the moment nothing seems right…

Because…

Life is a series of very long days stopping only to remind you that it isn’t…

Wonder what it is that I wrote before coming across these few gems?… If you’ve been paying attention… then you can probably already guess… If not than at least for some of you… these wounds will seem fresh… These kinds of post are very rare… the kind that really stretch out the meaning of what this is supposed to be…

Floating along here it seems… for today at least… one month further ahead… and probably a few years behind where I should have been by now… Time I believe is a construct… Something as equally real as it isn’t… Maybe that makes sense… and maybe it just doesn’t have too… So much meaning placed so heavily on things that don’t need it… Context I’m sure… But what is meaning to something that can’t feel?…

Time is only one of my obsessions… concrete… answers… words… repeating… not sure what any of this could be meaning… I’m not thinking so much as I am just saying what comes to me… In moments… in little flashes… I see the thoughts like lightening guiding my way through the darkness… A storm in the distance… is still a storm that is always right there waiting for me…

Lost periods of clarity… what they mean… what they are… I don’t know anymore… What I thought they were… they weren’t… What I thought they weren’t… clearly are what they were… Pushing further through time… means accepting things for what they are… even if they weren’t anything to me in the beginning… Hope all is well…