Broken Thoughts… More Than I Need…

Constant like a fucking child
Driven under
Driven to live
A mindless existence
Shut the fuck up
Then maybe, you’d be right
Tape my mouth shut
Torture me, make me feel something
Nothing different then the way
It is supposed to be
Cut my limbs, nail them to a tree
Same as it is supposed to be
I wish you’d do onto me
As I wished for you

 

Looking to destroy more than myself
Line up, take you out one by one
I know it is what you always wanted
I know you have always wanted to win
Judge ourselves not by what we’ve done
But what we wish to have been

 

Kill myself slowly
Life or what I’ve been told
I hold each word against me
A lie I’ve been told
Loved you more than I’ve loved myself
Locked in a world, that I can not win
I’d fuck you sooner than you can fuck me
A worthless fuck I see myself in
The reflection that I see
Desiring action, desire to see myself
Always been the asshole
A sin I hide myself in
Taking what I want
Believing what I want to believe
A whore I see myself in
Cult of personality, I could never win
Unless you let me
Being drunk is a sin
An escape I find myself in
Fuck you, if you ever thought you could win
A running thought inside my head
My thoughts run off
Digging a ditch I call my grave
A home I hold within
I’m so done, a struggle within,  you win

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Remorse is for the dead… all that needs to be said… still alive?… then you already know what needs to be done.. what there is left to say… keep going on with me… we will figure all of this out at a later time… 

Threadless… Shirts… Amazon… Books… Etsy… Art… Twitter… Broken Thoughts..

 

One Year Ago… From The Heart…

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What a year it has been… a lot has gone down… a lot has been said… a lot of things have changed… I grew a lot in this year… from who I am to closer to who I want to be… I could be a selfish ass and take all the credit… believe me I want to be… but no…

No… all this is thanks to you… yeah you… each and every one of you for reading… liking… commenting… and being who you are… you have all helped me grow as a person… as a writer… as a father… and as a friend… you have all been there for me when I was down… lifted me back up when I needed it…been there for me when I didn’t think I could go on… I could name names… but that wouldn’t be fair… it has been everyone… thank you… from the bottom of my heart… Thank you… 

With my heart filled with joy… here is to another year… a year filled with stories and poetry… broken thoughts and shitty advice… because we all know you are here for the pure enjoyment of words and not for me to kiss your ass… : )

Yeah… I know none of this was dark… but you all bring out the best in me… damn you… 

With all the love a black heart can come up with… thank you…

Layne Ambrose 7/29/18

 

(I’m sure you thought I was going to sell you something… But that is tomorrow… this is today… I think I have links… if I don’t… oh well… I’m just glad you are here today… maybe it is time for a face lift?… speaking of… Great album by Alice In Chains… just saying… best tracks… It Ain’t Like That or Sunshine… but those are deep cuts… We Die Young… great opener… I’ll shut up now… if you promise to listen… )

Why Can We Not Sleep Forever?…

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If you follow me on Instagram than you are more than likely sick of seeing this image… need to get a new camera… slash lighting set up… but I think you get the point… 

Now available on Etsy… click here to find out more… 

 

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This makes the perfect addition to your wardrobe if you are a fan of me… dogs… and blood… not so much if you enjoy all three at the same time… no judgment… but bloody dogs is not cool… by the way fun fact…. that is real blood…. pigs blood… but very real all the same… nothing but the best for all of you….

Funny story… I spent the whole day collecting enough to get weird with… my friend thought it would be a good idea to run it through the wrapping machine… her heart was in the right place… by the time she hit the emergency stop… it looked like a massacre went down in the cutting room… it was a little surreal… what if a machine could bleed?… that was a fun day… you can purchase this design and a few others here at Threadless… 

 

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But we all know why you are really here… for the words… this poem collection… And Other Things From This Time… is now available on Amazon… in paperback and digital… free on Kindle Unlimited as well… a friend of mine Jeanne... did a very cool review on it recently… she even added a little something that I think is extra special… if you don’t already follow her… have a look around… she is very talented on many fronts… her photography is on point… her words bring out the best in everything she does… check it out… 

That’s it… I’m out of soul to sell today… see you tomorrow… for… honestly I have no idea… flying by the seat of my pants… for no reason at all… 

Lemonade and Glass: It’s Been A Minute…

First Post From Some Point In Time…

Calypso by Spiderbait (Lemons)

Okay… I am starting to see a trend in what makes me like songs…

The mix of sweet and then rock in this song just shoots straight through to my goth, glitter-encrusted heart.

This Aussie band is the tits. Most of their songs are so different, if you didn’t know, you wouldn’t think they were the same fucking band…

They are a real dot point of my teenage years. 90s angst and pastel prettiness and grunge dribbling through the cracks. That is why this is here. Nineties represent!

I car scream the shit out of this song… But I think my fav is the first time the rock punches through your speakers. “Outside. All around me. Really sleazy. Then it hits me. … Don’t tell me. You can’t see. What it means to me. Me me…”

Yeah!

An Ado to No One by The Smashing Pumpkins (Glass)

I love the title right out the gate… It could be the title of my autobiography… that or… Who the Fuck Wrote This?… or Could I Get A Fucking Minute?… I’m not the biggest Pumpkins fan… I forgot I even added this song to the playlist… that is how far behind I am on this project… the music on Pumpkin tracks is almost always amazing… In all honesty, I have no problem with any of their music or lyrics but, there is only so much of Billy Corgan’s voice I can take… haha… “Destroy the mind, destroy the body, but you can not destroy the heart”… “I don’t need your love to disconnect”…

Emerald by The Tea Party (Lemons)

Let’s take it down a notch after all the pop-punk and slide right into some nice warm tea… party? Bad joke? Soz.

I can’t tell if I genuinely love this song because it is a good song or if it is just all the feels of sentimentality. The first time I heard this song was on a mix tape made for me by first real BF. He made me listen to it before I could take it home, rewinding it to just the right part. Stop start stop start… lol… goodness me…

It has this 80s-movie/Labyrinth-soundtrack kinda vibe to it that just tickles my nostalgia bone.

The Tea Party are my Moby Dick.

They are one of my fav bands but I have never really seen them live… something always happens to foil my plans. I say “really” because technically I saw part of their set at a festival. I missed most of the set and the rest of the set was drowned out by my oncoming sunstroke. And no, I was not drunk… I have a very strict, no alcohol at concerts rule. WTF is the point of paying money to have a hazy, drunken memory if being trapped in a moshpit… fuck all that. Plus, I do not understand why all the good festivals in Aus are put on in the Summer??? 

Back to the song, Lemons…

I always had this image (from back when I was 13) that this song was about a rescue. A woman in a bad situation and her knight in shining armor coming to take her away from all the bad things. “Just be still my emerald. I’ll be waiting for you. Do exactly what you’re told. I’ll be waiting for you” This chorus is also my car scream, coupled with “Did you always want to be. Did they try to steal your soul? Did they hurt you with deceit? Can’t you come in from the cold? Be still my emerald. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Ghost Head by O’Death (Glass)

This is a newer track that I am obsessed with… “That’s what my bloody hands said”… I love the horror style lyrics… the dark folk music… and the singer’s voice… it reminds me of Neil Young…. “That’s what my bloody hands said”… this is a track I normally listen to as I walk into work… as I prepare my mind and body for the bullshit that it be going through for the next few hours… “Go like the ghost head, Go like the ghost head”…. I walk through the building… look at each sad sunken face… wonder why it is that I show up to this place every day?… Ready to run and here I am… that’s what the track reminds me of… someone ready to run from a murder or their life… Ready to go anywhere but this place…  

(Lol I totes read it all… smiling… you’re funny.)

So What by Metallica (Lemons)

If you don’t like vulgarity … then you wouldn’t be reading our blogs lmfao … but seriously, this song is drenched in vulgarity. 

I went through a massive Metallica phase. Like… huge. I’m talking, paid to be in their fan club, had posters on the walls when I was an adult… I was convinced I would one day leave my partner at the time to go marry James Hetfield. Like… obsession, obsession.

I grew out of the idea of marry Mr. Hetfield but not out of my love for Metallica. I may not have posters on my walls anymore, but I still listen to them a lot.

This is the song I skip as quickly as possible if my kids are in the car… It is the song that I turn up when they are not in the car. I put the windows down to for maximum offense. So, take this as a warning…

Well, Everybody is Fucking in a U.F.O. by Rob Zombie (Glass)

What can I say about Rob Zombie?… Hellbilly Deluxe was one of the first albums that I asked for… fuck I was 11… I started early into music… Before that, I was listening to a lot of Prodigy and Nirvana… still, do… I saw the video for Dragula and fell head over heels… Rob Zombie videos were my first introduction to B films and horror films… and I could watch them… This track isn’t from that album… it is from his latest album and I picked this track because it is the best song he has had in years… It reminds me of old Rob Zombie but it still sounds new… “I’m going to get my twenty bucks and vacation in Japan”… My favorite Rob Zombie track is actually a White Zombie track More Human Than a Human… The Blade Runner reference is… is the best… I enjoy Zombie’s lyrics because he is a human blender… taking things from here and here and this is how I feel… it works… for me at least…  

 

This was well past due… I’m out of excuses for living… work wants my soul and I’m more than willing to give it up… parting with things has always been easy for me… more so if I don’t care… going to try to work harder at getting these out… a lie but I’m trying damn it… usually, I wouldn’t give a fuck, but I feel bad because it isn’t just me working on this… if it wasn’t for Lemons I would probably abandon the whole thing and be lazy… so big thanks to Lemons… for putting up with me… and being the driving force for me to get off my ass… even if I am late on everything… haha… 

Bahahahahahahaha, Layney, you are totes adorbs. The truth of the truth is we both have major life shit happening. We ALL have major life shit happening and doing creative things like this both difficult and necessary. We need an outlet and music is the perfect outlet. Hopefully, we will get better at bringing these out. Mr. Glass is not to blame. We are both a little shitty at getting our arses into gear, which is why it is good because we can understand each other, and I am sure all you peeps understand as well.

KISSES!

 

Broken Thoughts

Living out the eulogy, the funeral has been
Happening for years
Knew you were right when I said you weren’t
Known I’ve felt the same, but I didn’t want too
A lie from
Day one, yesterday, today
I don’t know anymore
Too late to turn any of this around
A long time coming
Long time spent looking the other way
I love you
Each word stings and it feels like this
Is how it is meant to be

Searching for myself and my lost identity
Who have I become if I don’t know myself
A man born into no sleep, an asshole baptized in fire
Where will life go from here
Where are we know if we are nowhere at all
Trapped between my own prisons
Locked away to figure it all out
But I don’t know anything beyond what I’m told
How am I supposed to know
If even I don’t know
Silenced by the thoughts of wrong and right
Torn between what I want and what I need
Two things that will never be the same
Searching for something that has meaning
Through a life of no importance beyond me and you
A man born into suffering, an asshole left rotting
Inside out and ass backward
Which way is straight away from here
Which direction is anything with no directions at all

Digging up the past
Fresh ideas to bury with the rest
Hollowed out bodies, turn to leather
Intersecting midsection, torn apart
Half eaten entrails
Yes, I already know I’m going to hell
Lying upon a heap of burning bodies
There will be no rest for my immortal soul
So, the story goes
I no longer have fears
Dissected, inflicted, sacrificed
God made me and the Devil too
Who should I blame, If I can’t blame you

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Need Your Help…Special Weekend Post

Chewing on Glass needs your help… I need a soul transplant… anyone willing to trade should know that the dark cloud doesn’t roll on through over here… just kidding… I do need your help though… each and every one of you… 

I need your help with tags… I know Soren and Fox… found my blog because of the tag Dark… I’m not looking to spam a certain tag… or take over a random one that has nothing to do with my writing… 

What are some good tags?… What do you look for in a tag?… Are my tags just fine and I’m obsessing over nothing?… How did you discover this blog?… Are tags just a waste of time?…

I feel like I am missing out on finding new readers and things to read because I am focusing too much on one outlet… rather than expanding my horizons… if you have any suggestions on some blogs I should be reading… that would be awesome too… (Very aware that is what Reader is for… but I’d rather check something out from you than an algorithm… as helpful as they may be…) 

If you have the time… I’d love to hear from you in the comments… and thank you for taking the time… 

 

Fuck the Lemonade and Chewing on Glass present: Lemonade and Glass

This collaboration is a bit unusual… well not really the project itself but the conception?… one night,  Lemons and I were suggesting songs back and forth for several hours… spur of the moment… no real order… no massive amount of thought… and then it came to me… was there any thought to our selections?… did we have our reasons for choosing that song at that exact moment?… pretty basic idea… some of the best always are… we shall see…

With this first month, we decided to pick ten songs each and kind of figure out what this is as a whole… being on different sides of the earth and of different brains, we are doing our best to make this equally our own… a blending of styles and thoughts… a trip beyond the song… a personal level buried underneath the music… each song means something different to someone else… that is what I wanted to explore with this project…

This night, which Mr. Glass mentions, was a great night. Lol. Mr. Glass was my glue that night and I am super grateful, not just for the time spent with a friend while I was in a shitty place but because something positive has now been birthed from it…

As we have found out, we have a lot of similarities not just with our love of ellipses… but also music. And even though we have similar music tastes there is a lot of bands and songs that neither of us has heard that we have now been introduced to… which is awesome! Any growth to our playlists is excellent.

We have also learned that, as we both like some “sexy” songs, neither of us enjoys listening to them together. #laughingemoji So, if you are here hoping for us to be “bringing sexy back,” you may want to bail now cause that is not what we are here for Ward Clever (aka Mr. Clever… if you’re nasty) and Mel (Melons… if you know what is good for you)

Let’s get this show on the road, Mr. Glass…

Totally forgot… this is all on Spotify… under Lemonade and Glass…  apparently, I can’t copy the link… so you will have to do it old school… on the Spotify app… all apologies… 

5-3-10-4 by Alkaline Trio (Glass)

I actually had three different songs circled in my mind for my Alkaline Trio pick… I knew I was going to pick one from them… which became this long listening fest of which one?… Steamer Trunk is my favorite song by them and I also love My Little Needle as well… Then I played this one and I felt that this track best describes my views on work… a common theme in my writing and my life… this line  “I’m so thankful that I’m not one of them,”… really hits home with me… Before I started working so early… I used to think well I’m glad I don’t do that… Then I did… and still, I think well I’m glad I’m not so and so having to do so and so… because there is always this idea that things could be worse… even when they are already at their limits… again see my writing for any more explanation… haha…

 

Fallen Leaves by Billy Talent (Lemons)

I’m not a huge fan of Billy Talent. Actually, to be honest, I couldn’t name any of their other songs… I’ve tried listening to them. They just don’t do it for me. But this song… there is just something about this one… It was one of those songs I fell in love with the moment I heard that beginning riff. And then, my brain said, “play this over and over and over again until you hate music.”

I also picked up the lyrics way before I stopped to think about the sad tale they weave. I have a complicated relationship with song lyrics…

My fav part to scream in the car (my car scream part) would be “I never once thought, I’d ever be caught! Staring at sidewalks, hiding my track marks! I left my best friends, or did they just leave me?” then it breaks back into that first riff… *enters bliss*

It has a vocal quality that reminds me of old school punk bands for some reason which I love trying to mimic.

A lit of the reasons I fall madly and deeply for a song boils down to the singing… the way the words and accents and notes feel on my tongue… in my throat…

This is one of those songs for me… It feels good to sing. And that is why I picked this one.

Go! by Killer Mike (Glass)

I was never big into rap when I was growing up… not because I thought it was bad… more to do with that it was popular… and also at this time when I was growing up rap had become basically a joke of itself… a parody… had I dug in deeper than the surface at that time I could have found things to like, but that wasn’t what rap really was at that time… it was all about hoes and bitches and exploitation of women… of a culture really… so I never got into it… enough to say I liked it… Always exceptions… Outkast has been a favorite of mine since I heard B.O.B…. but as a whole, I wasn’t a fan… Fast forward a decade later… I’m watching Bill Maher and here sits this guy… Huge… big bear of a person…. Wearing a t-shirt… if you haven’t seen Bill Maher’s show… he often has all kinds of people on his show and they are always dressed up… Killer Mike was like Nah fuck that… I’m going to be me… That had me right there… he expresses his views… and the whole time I am shouting at the TV… “Thank You”… something I normally do while watching that show is shout at the TV… a habit that my daughter has also started… by the end of the show… as Bill goes into the last word or whatever… the end segment is called… All I wanted was more Killer Mike… Who is he… they said he was a rapper… etc… google searched his ass like a broken-hearted stalker… I, of course, ran into Run the Jewels first… I could choose so many of their songs for a playlist but I wanted to spotlight what I think is the best part of that duo… Killer Mike… a genius in my opinion… a masterful poet… just an overall great mind of this generation… I don’t get in awe of a lot of people… celebrity type… I get it… they are people, but if I ever met Killer Mike… I might giggle like a school girl… and I think that is because he is not a celebrity… rather just an amazing person… favorite line in this song… “Got AK wordplay might put a pause on your life…. Just like a comma bitch”… I’m a real big fan of commas….

Mr. Brightside by The Killers (Lemons)

Oh man… this song kills me every time.

I love The Killers. This will probs not be the last time they show up in L&G (sorry, Laynes!)

It is such a story song. Jealousy is not an affliction I have suffered from (because I trust WAY too easily) so I tend to place myself more with the female of the story (not that I am a cheater either but, for some reason, cheating is not what my brain hears when I listen to this song)

It is so sensual. I know… I know I said no sexy but this song is not straight up in your face sexy… I think… is it… lol no it’s just me.

“It was only a kiss” and then repeated over and over again. You can feel the pain, this mister is really trying to convince himself… And makes me feel the feelings.

I’m of the mind that, even though lyrics are written and the artist who wrote them had something in mind when writing said lyrics, that song… those lyrics can mean something different to the listener.

That being said… it is actually obvious what this song is about, but my brain says different.

Car scream for this song is basically all of it, but definitely the ending.

I picked this one because I wanted something slightly pop-ish in here. Not that I see The Killers as pop, but they are a little more mainstream… aren’t they?

Jealousy is a terrible thing and it can destroy relationships. Also, it can just be your spidey senses tingling… Now, I’m just rambling… Next!

Taste In Men by Placebo (Glass)

Do you hear the fucking bass line?.. the bass and drum combo?… not sure I need any more reason to love this song… maybe the interesting lyrics… which growing up were very odd… growing up in an environment where people weren’t allowed to be themselves… especially gay… this song was very rebellious… felt almost dirty to listen to at the time… to blast in the car and drive around listening too… One of the things that I love about Placebo is their double meaning lyrics… or themes… this song is could easily be about a woman… or a man… great track… and the bass line… the drums… so good…

Mandy Goes To Med School by The Dresden Dolls (Lemons)

This song makes me click and strut every time it comes on. I turn into this swinging cabaret dancer in my fucking car, I love it.

I love The Dresden Dolls and I love, love, love Amanda “Fucking” Palmer. I have posted about her and her songs before.(Here) But this song just makes me dance.

The lyrics are… well… Let’s just say, intake this journey with Mr. Glass, I have realized that I have a difficult time in deciphering the meaning of lyrics, but that is part of the point. It is about the personal connection to the song.

This is another “upbeat melody/dark AF meaning” sort of songs. There are lots of hints towards abortion in here, and not just abortion but the dodgy “backyard” abortions which used to be a problem. (I say “used to” because I live in Australia, in a place where abortion is an easy thing to organize and it is even relatively cheap and the most you deal with is normally just one random crazy lady standing out the front screaming at you… I realize this makes me sound like I have had a tonne of abortions, but really I have always been that friend who everyone seems to want to take as support to their abortions… which makes sense… Cause I am a fucking nice person.)

I would make an educated guess that AFP is totes pro-choice so it wouldn’t shock me if I am correct here. With lyrics like “I’ve been feeling dull as a coat hanger” and “Put away those pliers, honey. Trust me ’cause I know the options. How about a nine-month-long vacation. And a two-foot coffin” … it gets dark…

So, despite (or because of) the dark depths of this song, it goes on the playlist. Car scream is probs the lyrics up there…

That was only 6 out of 20 songs… I think we might have bitten off more than we can chew… haha… Look out for more posts this month… that pertain to this subject… As the project goes we hope to get to fifty total songs on the playlist… If you have Spotify you can listen to the playlist as we add more songs throughout the month and the coming months… Lemonade and Glass… 

Let us know what you think… What are your favorite songs and why?… hope you enjoyed this…