Chewing On Glass…

Sifting through the lines
Our thoughts have become tangled up
In time… words on which we dine
Still starring with little left to say
I’d die if it meant anything
Bravery… the courage to believe in anything
Personally I wish I could
But until recently it seems I never could
Believe… a single thing ever said to me
Worlds filled with too many liars
Bad actors selling us shit we never needed
Shifting through the lines
My thoughts have bred a theme
I can’t seem to cut out of me
Still somehow breathing with what’s left
Stupidity… the courage to believe anything
Personally I know we wished we hadn’t been
But up until yesterday it seems useless to
Believe… Anything ever said to us as a whole
Life is made up of too many lies
Assholes giving us shit we never needed
Sifting through the lines
These thoughts have become tangled up
With everything else going on…

Stuck in here with myself wasn’t all that much fun to begin with…

I miss drinking
Mostly the taste… (yeah okay)
The regret and hopeless feelings
It washed away… (that’s more like it)
Ass backwards forward motion
Designed to take away my
Endless ambition to fail
Stuck in here with myself
It is all too triggering to
Learn how to breathe again
Going through the emotions
Of having doubts
I miss drinking my problems away
Mostly the taste… (yeah okay)
The false sense of knowing
Everything wasn’t going to be fine
A poison to let me know… (there it is)
That failing was the only way to
Survive this life of uncertainty
Stuck in here with myself
It is all too triggering to
Bother living again…
(I know you know what I mean)

I’m not hungry I’m starving… said way too often…

Walking off the edge of the concrete
Step by step, stepping further away
From what I was, what I have been
The further I get the more I know
I’m only moving the concrete within me
A slab so hard it cracks under the pressure
What it takes to keep this forward motion
These emotions tying up my time
Roadblocks built up in my mind
Wandering through this desert of empty thoughts
Step by step, stepping closer to nothing
Absurd and maybe it has to be
Unreasonable to keep trying to reason
With an illogical notion that I could change
Almost borderline inappropriate in a sense
To believe I could ever be more than this
A masked mad man with nothing to say
Aimlessly traveling from place to place
An almost exact definition of how I feel
Rambling along with the voices in my head
All the things I’d think you’d have said

Broken Thoughts Vol. 4 is long overdue… and I’m sure you are as tired of hearing about it… as I am talking about it… Got lost… set off track… but any way… Went longer today… needed an excuse to avoid the things weighing me down… Did it work?… Of course it did… If I am anything… it is efficient…

A lot to unpack lately… A lot of thoughts I didn’t even know I was even thinking about really… Been a hell of a year… and it isn’t even over yet… feels like the last few months has been closer to a decade of time gone by… A muddy mess stuck to the bottom of our shoes… a mess so messy it doesn’t feel like we can wash the stains out this time… and it is deflating…

It is at times more than anyone has time to handle… The endless stupidity… the over compensating sense of righteousness… and still the same damn conclusion… People are just full of shit… no one knows what the hell is going on… and no one has a real concrete plan… What is the line…

“Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?”
Tyler Durden, Fight Club

If we are to believe that we voted these asshats to lead us… and they lead us deeper into a toilet of backed up shit… What does that say about us?… Is that what I am trying to say?… Not too sure any more… spent too long looking up a quote for a point I don’t have anymore… Though it does sum up the year we’ve all had so far… serendipitous I guess…

I’d waste some breath hoping maybe next year will be better… but who knows how many inhales any of us have left… That you can take with you no matter what kind of year you are having… So… I guess… what I am saying is… ride this one out for what it is… and make next year count for something… A reset… isn’t starting over… it is just doing it again with more knowledge this time around… Something like that… Hope all is well…