Little Fears Is Chewing On Glass…

Or is Chewing On Glass looking at Little Fears?… Either way… we have done it again… Honestly I think this one is pretty good… could be our best collaboration so far… So send some love over to Little Fears aka Peter… and enjoy… (I wrote this before it was out so if you are reading this after 3/3/19… You are just enjoying… Little Fears…)

Okay… now that you have checked it out… you did check it out?… I can talk a little bit about the original project… The piece that you just read… is from a project I have been trying to get off the ground for a while… okay… it was an idea I had that I wrote a two page treatment for and meant to come back to… shit that was probably… seven years ago…

Time fucking flies by… almost two years ago… I offered it to Peter… we are a both a little consumed with our projects… to be honest though… I pitched the comic, Is That A Funeral, to him in our second email… maybe our first correspondence… haha… I was a bit excited to work with him… I’ve been meaning to pitch it to him again… but I left it in the idea bin and kind of forgot about it… then Peter sent me an email about doing another project… hyped… I knew this was the time to actually do it…

In reality though the part of Is That A Funeral that you read is more of a second or third… idea for the project… turns out that the two page treatment was just that… a treatment… so I rewrote the best version I could based on how I wanted it to be seven years ago… hopefully you enjoyed it… I enjoyed working on it with Peter… but he is always a pleasure to work with… so that part wasn’t difficult… and yes… my publishing company is also called Is That A Funeral?… I named the comic after it… seemed fitting…

New logo for Broken Thoughts?… Let me know…

Walking Through The Lake Of Fire

Staring Into Your Eyes

Nothing is taking this feeling away
Painful reminder I’m not who I thought I was
An example that you never did
Love me like you said you did
A lie, a waste of time
How can I really still feel this way
Nothing adds up to anything
Looking around, living the lie
See everything now
Rip out my eyes if I could
Memories still buried deep in my mind
Clearly something is wrong with me
Too stupid to see past my own stupidity
Love is a lie and I’m living it all the time
Excuses don’t mean the same
Reasons for why
Grinding out the thoughts
None of these seems real
Where does the truth begin
And the rest of this end
In you

 

Fighting For Something That Doesn’t Exist

I’ve been pensive lately
Don’t mind me
Been lost in thoughts
Of morality, love, and reasons
Too much time spent in my head
Has lead me to question every where
I’ve been lead
A battle no one could ever win
Trying to figure it out
Looking to understand
Studying everything that you are
All of these reasons
You all seems so dead
A broken spirit, an over looked gaze
None of this makes sense
Though I’m always told
This is the way it has always been
World full of choices
Words full of things left unsaid
Decisions that have never made any sense
A life we were told to live
Thank you, love you, miss you
You could not understand
When you were here
But here is too late
Fighting for something that doesn’t exist
I look around me, deep inside, through the shit
Wondering am I too ready to accept this fate

 

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A change of pace from the Broken Thoughts of lately… I could talk about these poems… but I said what I needed to say… Shit hurts moving on… thoughts in my head… like a constant stabbing that doesn’t end… here I go again… my mind doesn’t shut off… it goes and goes… do you know what I mean when I say this is all there ever seems to be?… If you do… I’m sorry… blessing and a curse… miss the days before I was born… miss the life I’ve skipped out on… a life where none of this meant anything but that was all there was… a fight to be something more than content… A never ending need to feel dead… 

 

Threadless… Shirts… Amazon… Books… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

 

 

 

This is better live… they do one more verse… only seen it once but amazing… 

It’s Been A Long Time Since I’ve Known…

Reflection Of What I See… Ode To The Soul

Dancing around the issue
Dodging how I truly feel
Because I have no answer
Nothing else to do
Second guessing my very existence
Why, why am I here
Why, why even bother going on
Lost soul, trapped mind
How could I ever be the only one to think like this

First world fucking guilt is killing me
If I ever had to work, kill myself over try
Born into this, fucked since the first fit
No one planned this out
A fucking tortured soul
If there is a god? Fuck off already

If Jesus ever cared
Killed me off long ago
Trapped with this feeling inside my head
Shipped off, told I’m normal
Hopefully I don’t kill off everyone
Just myself… right to choose
A freedom of choice

Crying for help is a weak way to go
What kind of shit show are we running here
Only care when it is too late
Everyone has to feel like me
Fuck your empathy because you’ve had none
Since the beginning

Live or die
Never mattered anyway
The way it should be
What society has taught me

 

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In the words of Mintly… “It’s dark. Really dark.”…. that it is… that is how it feels… no one likes to have their shit smeared in their faces… well maybe some do… nothing wrong with that if that is what you are into… but even you have to know that most people aren’t into that… we pretend like we care… until it happens to us… then we really give a shit…

It doesn’t have to be about gun violence… mental health… it can be as simple as the choices we make… not everyone feels like you… positive and negative… there is a point of respecting others that we have to get along… there is a point where we have to respect other people’s choices… I have two topics I want to talk about… not sure where or which way I should go… either one is too long and too important to talk about both… torn?… a little bit… I never want to tell you how to think… or that you have to think like me to get along… what kind of mindless society would that be?… isn’t that the point of all of this… hear what others have to say and decided for yourself?…

Like I said you don’t have to agree… you can be mad at me… I’ve never been right… never been wrong… I am how I am… you are how you are… respect is more than just a word… same as religion… same as choice… believe me when I say words mattered… and believe me when I say they don’t… thoughts come and go… ideas come up that sound great on paper… then you put them in place… well they are shit… time travel comes to mind… another time I will explain that shit show of a decision… not the time or place right now…  

There is some shit going down here in the states… some shit that is more than likely to come up…  care or not care… won’t change a thing… the issue is more important than the crime… the reason… the fucking why… currently we already have fucked up abortion laws… a vague definition of woman’s rights… personally… if it comes down to me… I am against it… a life is a life… but in reality… in the real fucking world… it isn’t happening to me… it will never truly 100% happen to me… and that’s when I have to step back… That’s when I have to take this shit off paper and understand what is really at stake…  Just because something is legal… doesn’t mean you have to get it… 

I don’t preach shit to anyone… but I do say one thing constantly… I’m all for anything that doesn’t hurt someone else… I respect that abortion goes very much against that belief… but it really doesn’t… laws are meant to protect us… us that are here… Life is life… but no one should tell you how to live yours… in truth… before God… before mankind… a woman’s right to choose is her right… because if it was up to me… I’d want the choice… this topic is rooted in so many things… You can throw religion in my face… it says right here that… yeah it says a lot of things we ignore… and that is just it… God… Devil… who the fuck ever… judges us based on our choices… 

To me that is religion… that is life… our choices… God or no god…  I’d hope that you’d make the right one for you… but I’m not you… and no one else is… it is no ones business what you choose… that’s your right… that is the way it should be… as far as God… and what she thinks… well… that’s up to her too… right… wrong… the whole shitty situation happens… and it comes down to a choice… everyone deserves the right to make that choice… even if it isn’t the one they would choose… 

 

It Arrived…

monster collab edit

 

“That’s when I was like… She just doesn’t get me… Sometimes it feels as though I’m only talking to myself… shh… acted natural I can see her in the distance…”

“I can hear you Charles… If this is how you are going to be the whole time… Maybe we should go home… I only wanted to have a good time…”

Charles whispers “She gets like this every time there is an end of days… Wait where are you going?… Don’t run away… Every time…”

 

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Peter makes this look easy… if you don’t know who Peter is… he is the mad genius behind Little Fears… if you don’t know who Little Fears is… well the link is for you… if you like horror… comedy… odd things… and… art… Little Fears is for you… also it is okay to groan… Peter is into that sort of thing… Little Fears Presents It Arrived

Forrester McLeod AKA Katy Boyer AKA we just met so I’m not sure which name she likes to go by… but I have been checking out her art and her website… I have to say I have been very impressed by her work… both written… and artistically… so if you like art… words… or discovering new things… then you should definitely check her out… It Arrived… 

I want to thank Peter and Katy for the invite… It Arrived… was a very fun and exciting concept… being that I’m no where as good of an artist as either one of them… It was a fun and rewarding challenge… to try to get to their level… hope you all enjoy this special week-end post… see you Monday… 

Something Different

Before

In death we find peace
But what about the rest
What about here and now
Tranquility in sin
Blood for passion
Passion for blood
Drinking until you don’t remember
Forgetting all the times before
Do it once more
Over and over a repeating
Kaleidoscope of bullshit
Heard it all before
Excuses becoming useless
Yet I still have more
My condition is human
But why does it feel so
So, painful and relentless
In death we find peace
In death we find whatever it is
We never had before

 

Settling In

Awaken to a sickening feeling inside my chest
Worried, afraid I won’t be able to let this rest

Choking, I can’t breathe
Knowing, know this could be the end
Constricting, inflicting every time
Is it all in my head
Twenty eight and I’m already dead
Worried from worrying
About all the shit going on in my head
Scarred, destroyed
From my own self destruction
Is this all I will ever be
Is this all I will ever become
Trapped inside this solitude
Isolating feeling of being human
Depression, this won’t end
A wave that comes crashing over and over again

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Still digging at the past… a past way I once felt every day… living in the middle of a depression storm can be… well depressing… some of us have it worse than others… each of us has to find our answer… but no matter how bad it ever gets know that there is always an answer… there is always hope… we are only here on this planet for one thing… make it to the next day… no day will ever be perfect… you will never get everything you ever wanted… but if we try hard enough we can get most of it… we can have perfect memories… 

Also, I’m not 28 anymore… wish I was… : ( … growing old sucks… enjoy every moment… good or bad… not all of them will be here for long… it goes fast… it is easy to get stuck on an idea… on a feeling… and it can take everything we have to break away from it… we’ve all been there… if there is anything I have learned since starting this website… it is that we have all been there… 

ThreadlessAmazon

Sympathetic to Your Needs

“Am I being recorded?”
“I hope you don’t mind. It is for journalistic purposes. Try to not let it affect you or your responses. Best to think of it not being there.”
“Okay.”
“So you wanted to tell me something about where you work and how it pertains to my story?”
“You won’t publish my name right?”

“Click,” I insert another tape.

“From my perspective, I don’t see why racism in America is even happening. I mean at what point do we move past it and grow as people?”
“I’m not too sure. That is why I am working on this piece. I want to find out what real Americans think about racism.”
“How many real Americans have you interviewed so far?”
“Quite a few. All walks of life, but I want to hear your side of the issue.”

“Click,” I insert another tape.

“I have been doing this a number of years.”
“Seems like it can be difficult talking to people. I’m not sure I could do such a thing.”
“It can be at times. The hardest part is staying objective to the subject at hand. Often find that there is way too much excessive talking. It becomes a distraction.”
“What is that?”
“Oh, this? This is nothing.”

“Click,” I insert another tape.

“Are you even a real reporter?”
“Of course I am.”
The sound of weeping. “Why are you doing this?”

“Click,” I insert another tape.

“You shot her in the fucking face. You sick fuck.”
The sound of rustling. “Just wait and see what I do to you.”
The sound of choking, sounds of a struggle. A faint whisper,” Please… help…”

“Click,” I eject the tape. “How many are there?” I ask. “How many what? Tapes or victims?” My partner asks. “Either,” I say as I put my cigarette out. I leave it resting in the ashes. Burying it with the others. “Hundreds of tapes, but we are still unsure of the number of victims. Been doing this for years. Some of the tapes are legitimate interviews as you heard. Others are as close to being there as you can get. I mean let your imagination run wild.” He stares at me as I light another one. I offer him one from the pack and he declines. “It makes you wonder why? Even after all these years on the force. Still left with the same question,” I reach for another tape. “The answer isn’t there or in any of these tapes,” my partner assures me. “No, but there are facts and facts leads to answers.”

“Do you think that this will make me famous?”
“It has been my experience that anything can bring you attention. But not all attention is good attention. To answer your question though. In this case, it might.” The sound of a power drill coming to life and screams washes over the recording.

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Wanted to try something new… A story that could only be done on the website… and about as close to a script that I want to get… It is hard to not write every action each voice or character is doing… My hat goes off to those of you who write scripts… I have no idea how you do it… drives me crazy… lack of control?… what does that say about me?… haha… 

Still selling bits of my soul over at Threadless and Amazon… Don’t worry… I’m as cheap as I can get… 

Do It All Again

The rain comes down hard as it beats against my cardboard house like a drum. It upsets me at first, but then I remember I wanted to move anyway. Nothing truly upsets me anymore. Nothing outside of the wastefulness of the people that surround me where ever I go. Town after town. City after city. They waste their time all day doing nothing only to come home to more nothing. Though I suppose If it wasn’t for the wastefulness of people I wouldn’t have the cardboard boxes I like to call home or the cheap cigarettes to smoke when I can. It is such a strange relationship that I have with these others. A necessary evil I suppose. Even if it makes me angry at just how stupid they are.

My neighbor’s got a TV, but it doesn’t work. Doesn’t bother him much as he stares at the blank screen for hours pretending it’s some show he watched as a child. I don’t miss television much or the movies for that matter. Too many lies sown deep within the bright lights. It’s all just a bunch of made up drama or stupid comedies about nothing. I miss the sense of family though if I’m being honest with myself. Since I broke away from everything all I have had is time, to be honest with myself. A truly horrifying scenario I live through each and every day. Watching the “world” pass me by. A world where we cast aside everything for nothing at all. I remember the days that I rushed through only to get to the end. Always wanting more sleep. Always wanting something more. I don’t miss that need even if I still have the feeling.

Endless days give away to endless ideas of what life could be. Life has always been the same thing though. An endless nothing without a purpose. I suppose there is no right way to live a life. The words I write like a cave man on the sides of my box begin to bleed. Raining harder and harder upon my home. Though the feelings brought up right now make me feel a bit sad it is all temporary. I don’t miss much about the normal life. The tied down feeling that all of it had is what lead me to this. A thousand years ago I would have been an explorer, an honored man.

May have even had my own day of celebration like that asshole Christopher Columbus. My own special day where everyone got the day off. A day for people to celebrate me with a shopping spree or stuffing their faces with as much food that their bodies couldn’t handle. It is all a waste I tell you. All of it. It all comes back to this thought. Even not existing seems like a waste at times. I go on just as they do. Just as we are meant to. When the storm passes I’ll take what isn’t ruined. Start my search for dry boxes. Start all over again. I guess that’s what the real life is like only with more crap. Keep on wasting time only to do it all again.