Out To Lunch…

Thanks for stopping by… out on vacation for a few weeks or months… check below for actual posts… first time visiting the website?… there are tabs for older stuff… poems… stories… previews for the books available… not sure if it is enough material to subside you until I return… but something is always better than nothing…

Hope all is well… Layne Ambrose…

When I get that bag down… is when I can write again…

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Broken Thoughts… Looking To Turn My Piss Into Wine…

There seems to be a miscommunication
Between my brain and heart
Mixed signals firing off as emotions
The thought was always there
Back of my mind, deep within
A masked conundrum hidden in an enigma
Read the dictionary recently
Didn’t take anything from it but a few words
They related to hurt, hurting, and love
Lies but I don’t know which ones
Forgot to remind myself what was wrong
The hidden pictures trapped within
Flies circling the corpse that I have become
Trapped in an endless loop
They relate to death, dying, and life

If you’ve told me once I know I never listened

Joined a cult and I’ve never felt more at home
We call ourselves humanity
Sick thoughts pushed by blood
Better suited as ourselves inside
What is a name without any meaning?
What is a feeling you can’t feel?
Empathy lost on the lonely
Sick idea filled with shit
Only care about ourselves
Better suited to pretend
What are we without any pain?
What is a reason you don’t understand?
Lying to myself once again
Never belonged only snaked my way in
Couldn’t help but fit in

Took all of this and ran with it

Feeling it coming from all sides
A flame, a sensation that doesn’t stop
Burn me down so I can rise again
I’m not afraid of my place
Maybe it is time to embrace
Maybe it is time for things to be my way
Stop and fucking think for a second
Giving in was never worth the prize
A death, a sensation that will signal the end
Fall down only to get back up
Say it over and over again
A broken chant you need to memorize
Light the bonfire and jump in
Let’s get this going already
Light as a feather
Stiff as a fucking board

It’s not appropriate to the current situation

Carrying the weight of everything with every step
What I was told was not what is true
World built upon lies, bullshit we tell ourselves
Dumpster fire with no regrets
Shedding skin to relieve myself
Hate myself but what choice did I ever have
The words hurt and maybe they were supposed to
Standing up to all the shit
Tired of forcing myself to fit

Driving on an endless road… shouting out broken thoughts… that make no sense… no I haven’t gone crazy… part of the process… testing out voice to texted limitations… spreading the madness with no hands… been thinking… what if everyone knew all my thoughts?… what would I write about then?… what would I do with all these god damn dreams?… then I thought… what the fuck am I doing with them now?… guess it doesn’t matter what I think if none of it is real… yeah the questions don’t breed answers… only thoughts…

Staring at an empty screen… thinking of what to say… when I don’t have anything to say today… a lie I can’t live up to… never shut the fuck up… an endless fucking avalanche of thought… running out of all the things that will make me rot… too much free time that I don’t know what to do… so many free moments that I forgot… what is a dream but unactuated thoughts… like the words we make up… nothing at all… broken ideas of a thought…

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With The Bodies Piling Up In The Corner… I Thought You Should Know…

Head Seems Stuck

Fucking asshole with a face
Spewing your toxic shit all over me
Who the hell do you think you are
No one at all
Follow along because I don’t know better
Woke to an idea
An idea that doesn’t mean shit
Respect is a worthless term
What am I worth to your overall need
Burning down your broken ideas
Inhaling this feeling, go away
Lost, trapped, where have you been?
Is god supposed to mean something
To the devil it is all the same
An honesty that can’t be hidden
Rethink what you believe
In a world of lies
Stacking shit miles high
Stacking piles of you all along the road
Life was worth so much more
When it was worth nothing at all

All Worked Up

Shaking your ass like no one gives a shit
Blind to your own pain
Take away all the anger
Only left with shame
How I’ve longed to feel the same
Centerfold for all my hate
Spreading your ass like no one means a thing
Numb to your own vanity
Took away all the essence
Of a being
My heart was sold on a first glance
Sold my soul for a taste
Need a name, registration
Living under the tree of your needs
The blood flows through the roots
Extension of an idea
The tension is killing me
Each gust of wind pushing harder
Digging out my own grave
Fall into the silence of an endless existence
Bodies piling up in the corner
I thought you should know
They’re all for something more
Worship, adore, used, useless
Distasteful way of saying
I’ve saved the best for last

Another poem about work?… yeah fuck that place… not sure what about work… but I don’t need a reason to be pissed off about that place… I mean they want me to interact with these walking asshole and be happy about it?… as if… Work isn’t that bad most days… that was hard to type… it really isn’t… I could be doing worse things… what they are… I’m not sure… but if I was doing them… I could tell you right away… haha…

Poem 2 is dirty… digging a grave isn’t easy… if you have done it… you know what I am talking about… cheap joke… what you come here for… poem 2 is about a serial killer… or a murderer… the want… the obsession… the dissatisfaction… and the need for more… I didn’t research this in the field… hell I didn’t even mean to write it… Netflix is just over saturated with true crime documentaries… and I have a want… an obsession … a dissatisfaction… and a need to watch them all…

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Broken Thoughts… Saving Myself for Sunday…

Get over it as they say
Killing off, cutting off the dead limbs
The misery, the pain
Burning down the village of the damned
Taking everything I deserve
Worked harder than I care to admit
For nothing at all
Big ass smile, fucking let down
Watching the flames burn higher and higher
The stench more than anyone can handle
Move the fuck away from me
Haven’t you ever seen someone
Trying to kill themselves for your pleasure?

Face down… ass up… looking for the sun…

I know because I’ve heard before
Thought I could hide my intentions
For eons I’ve done nothing right
A promise I couldn’t keep
Lies stitch together my very soul
God was right they’re all destined to fail
How could I, a fallen angel, have not known
Jealousy courses through their veins
Hate and anger a diet they must consume
No one ever pauses to question
Who creates something so awful and calls them their children?
A beaten corpse with no name
Resurrection after resurrection same every time
Broken prophecy filled with truth
False hope fills my soul
An answer I’ll never come to understand

At the end of days everything will be much of the same… only different…

Through the darkness
I can see the future
Much darker than now
Who am I to complain
Existence is existence
None the less
Bitching my way to death
A threat left empty handed
What the hell else was I to do
To live is to die
Same as it ever was
A broken promise left on paper
Digital age took over
So I guess I really am all alone

It is starting to get warmer here in hell… and fuck I hate it… going to have to go back to writing in the nude… it doesn’t help the ideas flow but it doesn’t stop them either… I hate the heat… can only strip down so far… haven’t found away to strip away my flesh… well I mean I have but I’m going to need some help… In the mean time all I am left with is to suffer… same as it ever was I guess… No idea where I was going with this… the sweat is getting in my eyes and I can’t think… that feeling when that one bead of sweat runs from your armpit and down your side… shiver… bring on the ice age already… it is too hot to make any sense…

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Broken Thoughts… Crashing Ships In The Night…

A bloody feeling touching finger tips
Hints of a reason
Scene of the crime
A broken heart with no life
Stabbing pains in my side
What has it been
Days, weeks, months
I don’t care
The thought only grows
A sick feeling inside my head
If only I could I know that I would
Desperation and a fucked up feeling
Tell me one more time
So I can remember
Slipping through the cracks
Concrete floor never felt so soft
Until they left me bleeding on the floor
Death rattle shaking
A cold wave washes over everything

Scratching at the surface only to dig deeper

Bleeding under the stars
Isn’t any different than not
Feelings become lost
In so much shit
Said I cared when I didn’t
Said I didn’t when I did
I’m a confused asshole
What do you want me to say
When no one believes me any way
Rats will rule this world
Becomes okay, is ok
Past tense so subversive
Predictable predictions on how this would be
I missed the boat, yeah that’s me
Digging a grave at sea

One for the money… Two for the turn around and go home…

Worn down after the years of abuse
The teeth tell a story
Buried in the concrete
Age not in the thought
But in the heart
Taking what is left
Buried upon the surface
Paint the blood on your skin
Drying along the scars
A map of your abuse
Screaming obscenities
Words that remind me of you
What it means
I don’t know
What it does
I don’t know
How it feels
How it ever was
Drowning in the thoughts
Pouring out of the skin
Pressure releasing all the lies
Tell me one more time
How you’d like to watch me die

Someone is always better

Slipping down a path made of sin
The piss feels like rain from here
Choking to keep throwing up
It isn’t hell if it is home
It isn’t hell if it is all you know
Jamming it down my throat to see how it feels
Stuck, shifting gears into another thought
The mud isn’t dirt but shit
Drowning in a sea of all of this
Asked for forgiveness but only wanted a reason
Thought I was full of nothing
Come to find out I just have too much to say
The lines blend together when you line them up
Broken threads in a stream of consciousness
It isn’t hell if it feels like home
It isn’t hell if it is all that I want to know
Fucking useless conclusion
A feeling I lost looking into the abyss
Staring into nothing along
A deep dark hole made of deceit
Love the feeling even if it only brings need

“All you ever do is write.” “Correction… all I want to do is write… there is a difference…” That didn’t go over so well… so I’m off to spend time with my family… Black Yoshi going to paint ever track with your blood… game on ladies… : )

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Broken Thoughts… Do Not Crush or Chew… Swallow Whole…

The razor blade digs into my side
A contraption meant for something else
Reusing useless item to make a point


The absence of your insignificance

Spitting the venom foaming at the mouth
I loved you so much that I wish I was dead
Standing at the crossroads of crucifixion
A place that meant so much before
Words carry no weight
Cliched, depraved edition of everything said
Spinning in circles looking for something that isn’t there
A long ass sentence with no point
Left alone so long ago
Abandoned to the point no one knows
Lost in time and space
All the ideas we decided to create

Selfishness and everything I strive to be

Hung over, fractured skull
Left regretting mistakes
Still processing all the shame
Brain on fire and only one to blame
Stand still, watching the world spin
Slowly becoming, sober

Flesh from the bone… heart torn from the soul…

The flames of despair are flaring up again
Taking away any confidence I may have had
Searching the world for my ego
Stealing from all those around me
Demented dimensions of disproportionate thoughts
Shattered shadow slowly dying in the dark
Lost everything when I lost you
Took away anything I thought I had
A talent for noticing how fucked up I am
My will sways in the wind
Broken branches littering the ground
Up routed and so far from where I began
Where do I go
Standing before a fork in a destroyed road
No path free from your corruption
No path that hasn’t already been worn down
Sell my soul for a little peace
A thoughtless thought that haunts me

Burning through my notes at an unusual pace… honestly trying to clear most of this mess off my desk… move on to something new… I’d love to start working on my novel… well I have but I have been at an impasse… Been too lazy… collecting excuses… collecting pages of distractions… Been so long I’m starting to forget what it was even about… not a good sign… figure it all out in time… everything in time I suppose…

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When There Is No More Room… Part 9…

Only a Matter of Time

“Hello Liam,” I say as I enter the room. “Doctor,” he smiles in his own sinister way. “How’s everything today?” I ask him. “Oh you know can’t really complain. Got to sleep in late, watched as the birds played in the trees while I enjoyed my very nutritious breakfast, and afterword I went for a nice walk around town,” he deadpans. “Cute, I’m sure it is easy to get around town in that straight jacket,” I say to him. “It is a tad bit constraining, but you know the ladies love a man who knows how to dress for the occasion,” he laughs. “And I’m sure the ladies love you. It is only too bad that you are a danger to yourself and everyone else,” I say as I open the file in front of me. “A danger to myself?” he gasps. “Tell me is that your medical opinion or your personal opinion? Because I will have you know that there isn’t one person out there who would back up your claim,” he shifts in his chair. “That’s because beside me there is no one left who really knows you Liam. You made sure of that didn’t you?” I ask. He tries to lean his chair back but it is bolted to the floor. “There’s no use scratching at the scars of the past now is there Doctor?”

“Unfortunately that’s all you have any more. Tell me do you ever stop to think that may be the reason you are in here instead of out there?” I ask him. “Are you really asking me if I have time to think right now? Or are you simply trying to get through your checklist of nonsensical questions? Because I’m having a hard time telling the difference,” he fires back. I’m losing him. The nice guy, everything is a joke personality is starting to fade. I can see it in his eyes. The dark hollow orbs staring back at me. I write down my observation on the paper in front of me. “See something you like? Find something new? Care to discuss what new profound idea popped into your head?” I ignore his questions. Bait to fall into a trap. Liam likes words. Uses them to distract you, confuse you into doing exactly what he wants. A trait he must have possessed his whole life. “Stop looking at me like some sort of side show freak,” he growls. “Are you angry Liam?” I finally ask him. He tries to fake a smile but the real Liam has taken over, “No of course not.” His eyes never blink. Only if you are looking for it do you even notice that the skin around his eyes begin to tighten with every passing moment. No one the wiser would think he looks calm, cool, and collected, but I can see through his mask. He has the look of a mostly forgotten memory. “God, there is just so much of him left inside of you,” I say. The lines of his face form a most sinister smirk, “Do you mean our father?”

“Are you sure that I didn’t burn most of him out? Medically speaking.” Liam turns his head to show off his scars and what’s left of his left ear. “I’m very certain that no matter how much you hurt yourself you will always be like him,” I tell him. “Why don’t you take this straight jacket off and we can test that theory Doctor,” he says. His voice calm and his eyes like fire. “I’d prefer we didn’t. Medically speaking of course,” I smile. “I’m sure you do. Remember how you used to hide behind the living room curtains whenever he would come home? You were weak then and you are just as weak now. I never feared our father. Even as a child I could see what he was. Maybe I didn’t understand it completely but I knew what I wanted to be,” he muses. “Are you admitting that you were fully aware of your crimes?” I ask with my pen in my hand. He ignores my question. “You probably get off on the idea that your little brother is some kind of monster? But here is the thing brother. You can hide behind your little curtain. You can roam these halls pretending you are some educated healer, but we both know. I know that you aren’t. No, hidden away somewhere in that thick skull of yours he hides. It hides. You think you are better than me, but you are nothing more than the same,” he rants.

“I think that is enough for today,” I say uncomfortably. “Of course you do. You have no back bone. Never have. You can’t accept who you really are. What we are,” he taunts. Do not give in I think to myself. Don’t listen to his false words. “I can stand up for myself just fine. I know who I am and what I am,” I tell him. “Yeah and what is that Brother?” he asks me. “Sane, normal, a free man in this world. A man not strapped down by chains for sins committed.” I enlighten. He looks almost bored from my words. “I pity you brother I really do. You can hide behind your curtain, your title. The idea that you are sane. Free from the evils of this family, but in reality it is you that is in chains not me,” he taunts. “You can taunt me all you want Liam, but I am the one in control,” I say firmly. His eyes look as though they might jump from his skull, “You will never know the true meaning of control. You will never feel its true power for as long as you hide behind the curtain. Those victims as you call them were nothing more than stepping stones, martyrs to show me a better life. They showed me the truth of this world. Beyond our father. Beyond reason. So you can judge me all you want from behind your curtain or you can join me on the other side of it.” I signal for the orderlies to come in and take him away, “This meeting has been insightful as always. Can’t wait to see you in a few weeks to do it all over again Liam.” The orderlies place his muzzle around his face and left him up from the chair. “It is only a matter of time Brother. I can see it in your eyes,” he shouts as he exits the room. “Only a matter of time.”

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