Something Different… Already?… Q & A…

It is time for some of that good old fashion fun… I know… I know… I’m not sure what it means either… but I’m told that it will be… well fun… Let The Ungame BeginFire It Up… don’t actually bring flames any where near this game… because it is mostly paper… if it came with game tokens… or even rules… well we lost those a long time ago… seriously this game is old… not ancient old… but it isn’t getting any younger… The Ungame Begins... Lightning Edition

Question 1: If You Were Told You Only Have One Week To Live… How Would You Spend It?

Without pants… next…

Question 2: What Do You Think Your Friends Say About You When You’re Not Around?

Probably the same things they say to my face… that I’m an asshole… next…

Question 3: Say Something About Policemen

They can be found in many form… one of which is as a woman… this game is super old… borderline ancient… next…

Question 4: If You Could Become Invisible Where Would You Like To Go?

If I told you… what would be the thrill of being invisible?.. everywhere… next…

Question 5: Remember – No Talking Unless It’s Your Turn! Take Another Card.

Literally sitting here in silence… that’s a creepy thought… working hard to earn that “dark” tag…

Question 6: What Would You Do If You Found $1,000 In A Vacant Lot?

Burn it… never hold on to evidence… next…

Question 7: How Do You Feel When Someone Laughs At You?

That being a stand up comedian… could be more than just a fantasy… next…

Question 8: What Is The Most Sentimental Possession That You Have?

My wife… next…

Question 9: What Would You Like To Do To Become Famous?

I decided last month… to make candles… this is just a side gig until it takes off… name one famous candle maker… now I just have to make candles… next…

Question 10: What Is Your Favorite Song?

You can only name one?… like out of all of them in the world?… what kind of bull shit made up question is this?… if there was a customer service number to call right now… Pick one song?… that simple?… why don’t you pick just one song game?… oh that’s right… it’s not your turn so you can’t speak… pick one song… I’ve never been so triggered… offended… confused… emotions… brain is firing on emotions right now… not pick a band and their best song… as if that is a simple task… no… pick a song…

Introducing our new segment… Ambrose’s Favorite Song… just fucking with you… no one has the time… however… let me know what your favorite song is in the comments… and I will tell you if it is good or not… also feel free to answer any of the above questions…

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Bukowski by Modest Mouse… if you know me… you can guess why…


Waiting For You Down Here… Broken Thoughts…

Held my head down in the water too long
A foggy, thickness that made no sense
Nothing gets in below the surface
Hollowed out existence
Submerged below everything around me
Thought it was you, knew it was only me
Pulling the reigns, tying the noose
Could say I was suffering but I was
Only living in a world of my own creation
Could say anything meant more than it did
Because it didn’t held so far under the waves

I’m just trying to stay calm in a world that doesn’t know what that means…

Held my face too close to the flames
A burning, suffocation that made no sense
Nothing gets to me beyond the screams
Suffering out existence
Engulfed by everything around me
Thought it was you, knew it was only me
Nailed in place, lighting the flames
Could say I was suffering but I was
Only living in a world of my own creation
Could say anything meant more than it did
Because it didn’t burning on the stake

Order and chaos… chaos and order… never stops breeding…

Held my face too close to the ground
A familiar, emptiness that makes no sense
Nothing gets to me down here
Sleeping off existence
Surrounded by everything around me
Thought it was you, knew it was only me
Laying in place, succumbing to fate
Could say I was suffering but I was
Only living in a world of my own creation
Could say anything meant more than it did
Because it didn’t burying myself under all these feelings

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

I guess this could have been a poem… started off as a Broken Thought… that became something more… influenced heavily by my next poem book…Teething on Concrete… which may or may not be out by now… I’m never sure what it is I am doing… I’m a very focused… and somehow unfocused person… maybe it comes from only sleeping a few hours at a time… maybe I have always been this way… maybe I’m broken in some way… Anything is possible and here we are…

Pretty boring here at the moment… working on working on more work… so work on top of work… trying to get some stuff done… so I can move on… and work on more stuff?… Does it ever end?… I’m sure it will one day… not looking forward to that day though… deep breath… life is something else…

Stay safe… and create everything… I’ll be waiting for you down here…

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The Collection Continues…
On Kindle and Paperback
Even More Stories…

Strangers To Ourselves
My Nightmare
More Thoughts…

Broken
Demented
More of Everything You’d Expect…
From The Twisted Mind Of Layne Ambrose…

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It's Going to Be A Second… Broken Thoughts…

Took long enough to come to this conclusion
Moments in time spent finding peace in chaos
Nothing was ever going to be enough
Carrying the answers with me all along
Going back to the beginning
To figure out where I am
A slow march to death
Pick a path and see where it ends
Ignoring sign after sign
What if any is the meaning of words
If you don’t know what they should mean
Rambling in the dark, rambling to myself
Believing was always going to be
The thing that brought me back here again

Addicted to what I’ve been told and not what I know…

Suffocating under the weight of everything
The natural progress of
Hating myself from within
Digging my way out of an endless grave
Piece by piece, brick by brick
Been building the tomb I’ve always envisioned
A monument to pass onto the next generation
So they can do everything that’s already been done

“Maybe because sometimes someone wrote every sad song that they could.”

Pumping poison through the vein
A constant heart beat
That defines me
The difference between living and dead
Carry my thoughts with me
Every where I go seems to be no where at all
If there’s a constant here
Could someone please point it out
Never polite to point
Even while staring into a mirror
Blame everyone I see
Staring back at me through the shadows
That define me

Now Available On Amazon

Two Stories… Two Poems… and A Whole Lot of Thoughts….

Paperback and Kindle

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That Was No Easy Task… Broken Thought…

Broken dreams laid out in a conscious stream
You can see them but did you ever really need them?
A question to haunt the brain
A question to question everything
What is it that is so damn important?
Risking to waste away
What’s worth so much
To sacrifice your soul
The answer hangs some where in the air
Like the feeling between lightning and thunder
Doesn’t matter, know it has to happen, right?
Waiting out the apocalypse
A lifetime thinking, knowing it has to come
Been told so many times to hold on
The end of life and the beginning of another
Ignorance truly is bliss
Not knowing is worth so much more
Than knowing anything at all
She said, the Lord preached, life handed
Nothing at all
Is what it was and was what it is
A long day strung out into a lifetime
Day to day existence was all there was
Ever meant to be
Fighting the ocean will only get you wet
Drag you under the weight of it all
Ignorance has to be bliss
There is no other answer that makes any sense
Screaming into the vast canyon
Screaming until there are no more words
Throat cracked and bleeding
No answer, no sound has ever come back to me
Standing here wasting time
Trying to figure out what I’m doing
Nothing at all

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Hanging Onto Repeated Thoughts…

If It Mattered

It wouldn’t be so bad
If it wasn’t for all the guilt
It wouldn’t be so bad
If it wasn’t all that I could think about
It wouldn’t be so bad
If it wasn’t an addiction
It wouldn’t be so bad
If it wasn’t for all the thoughts of suicide
It wouldn’t be so bad
If I could only do it in the end
It wouldn’t be so bad
If I would only let it but I can’t

If I Had Known

I’ve waited too long
Thought I knew what was best
Knew nothing all along
My thoughts they repeat
Stuck on a word that
Won’t last long
All the thoughts in my head
Hurt as though made of glass
Each one poking and stabbing
Till there is nothing at all
I repeat the cycle
Forcing something that can’t be forced
I need something new
What that is I’m unsure
My future is all planned
A future of not at all

Layne Ambrose
Chewing On Glass

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Let the world know… I dare you…

Is That A Funeral? Shop

Too Slow To Register… Broken Thoughts…

This idea that I know
A feeling of understanding
Confusion wrapped up in life
I want to say more
But I don’t know the words
All I have is nothing at all
A thought, a memory
Of something I remember living
The sadness has become more of a condition
To the sentence I’ve been served
Self pity, depression of the facts
Born like this, didn’t become this
Sell my soul to be someone else
Sell myself to be something else
Gave up before I knew what I had done
Poisoned myself with the thoughts
Forgot all the words before this began
Eating the thoughts with a fork and spoon
Dug the knife into my side
Laying around wondering
What is it that I have done

“My people have been running from the devil since before it was cool.”

This may be the only time
Sitting in the darkness wondering why
All of this shit that ever mattered was a lie
Constantly speaking to the deaf and the blind
Preaching about the things that don’t add up
Is this really what we are doing with our lives
Giving it all for more of nothing
Speaking in tongues that only we understand
An understanding built on lack of sleep
Hush and everything will be alright
So much truth in lies
So many lies buried in the truth
Giving in over time
Becoming more than they wanted
Descending into a place no one understands
Locked within my head

The scary part is that people are relying on me…

Digging a hole in the sand
Three feet wide was the plan
Digging deeper with so much effort
Going nowhere, can’t see the problem
Can’t see the problem
Can’t see any problem at all

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Broken Thoughts Vol. 1: Between You and Me…
Available On Amazon…
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Something Different…

Misconception of Myself

Getting me down was never the difficult part
Brining me back from the edge
Going to take more than a few words
Let me die, only to do it again
A cycle on repeat
Broken switch called me
Thoughts and feelings in a blender
Puree
An emotional wreck
Starting to understand
Walking three feet in these shoes
Try not to kill yourself with the effort
But at least I have my health
Mentally been fucking gone
Talking to myself, I can ramble on

Getting me down was never the difficult part
Written down instructions, tattooed inside my head
Easy to follow with only a few words
Let me sleep, only to do it again
Another drink from this endless bottle
Broken need called me
Tapped
An emotion bonfire
Starting to understand
Walk three feet in this crooked spine
Try not to do too much
The effort will surely kill you
But at least then you’d know
What the hell I’m talking about
Because no one seems to

Getting me down was never the difficult part
Been lying here the whole time
Face down in the concrete
So glad you found me
Another victim to attach myself to
Broken feeling called me
Running out of reasons I should quit
Pureed, tapped, given away
Starting to understand
Everything I forgot
Three feet in this soul
Try not to run away
But at least I’m still breathing

Been Waiting Here For You

You’re no good for me
I need someone with some light
These shadows have been nice, for a time
Hide all the knives
You know the ones you stuck
In my heart
Kiss my lips and call it love
Pulling each one out with the hope
It will end
Kiss my lips and tell me what it is
No good for me
Not good enough
Not even the same
A home was nice for a while
Hides all the lies
You know the ones you stuck
In my heart
Kiss my lips and tell me I’m fine
Reliving each broken memory in hopes
It will end
Kiss my lips and call it what it is
Come on you knew
Longer than anyone
Strung me along
Too scared to pull the trigger
You know the one you stuck
In my heart
Let’s not pretend to forget
What it is

Pretty personal… pretty sad… dark… falling apart… better… healed… a distant memory… will always sting… but little by little it will go away… That’s all I have to really say about these two…

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Broken Thoughts… Looking For Something New…

Slowly killing myself
Living life, not fast enough
Dying life, not slow enough
Speed it up
Let it go
Breathe a little
Keep fucking running
Not enough
Add it up
Subtract the dream
Slowly killing myself
Living life, not slow enough
Dying life, not fast enough
Drag it in
Hold on tight
Exhale a little
Keep fucking pulling
Not enough effort
Add it up
Subtract the want
Nothing equals what you give
Living on fumes
Being dragged by the chain
Waiting around bored
Makes no sense
Yet here we are

I can’t separate the need from the pain…

How many times are you going to break my heart?
How many times will I let you?
Ripping the heart from my chest
What a useless vessel for love
How much can one take?
Enough to kill for
At what point am I?
What a useless question for love
Not even close enough
How many times are you going to take everything?
How many times must I watch it all walk away?
Stripping the soul from my body
What a useless vessel for life
How much can one take?
Enough to die for
At what point am I?
What a useless question for something
So meaningless as this

Sometimes it is easier to say the words out loud than to believe them…

Are you even trying?
Do you try to breathe?
No, why would I? You?
Only when I’m drowning

Trying to make it through today…

Two weeks from thirty two
Growing old
The mirror’s reflection doesn’t look the same
The mind feels as it always does
Growing old
Thinking about all the things
Thinking how none of this means a thing
Growing old
Killing myself is getting old

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Chewing On Glass Presents… Beginning of All Things to End…

“Things went from bad to worse,” he says as they walk down the long corridor. “What do you mean?” One of his colleagues asks. “Most importantly they are being taken to the facility right now to insure there will be a future them,” he says ignoring the question all together. “Doesn’t matter there won’t be,” another colleague responds. They move quickly through the corridor making sure no one sees them. “Sure maybe not now but twenty or thirty years from now when they have figured it out. It will be the end of the world,” the leader lays out. They arrive at an unmarked door. Looking around he inserts his key card, “Quickly we don’t have much time. The cameras have already alerted them I’m sure.” The three of them enter the room. “We need to erase whatever we can,” the leader says. “What are we even really doing here?” One of them asks. They walk through the stacks of tanks. Each one containing what looks to be a fetus. “Trust me they won’t have cloning figured out by then. Cloning doesn’t work now and by the time it does it be two hundred or more years before it does. And even by then none of them will be relevant beyond history books,” a colleague states. “Exactly, we need to stop them now. These are all nothing more than failures. But the potential each container contains. This is where it all starts. This is where we have to make our stand,” the leader says. “Your fear of that future is irrelevant. Some other monster will take their place,” one of them states. They begin pulling electrical board after board as the tanks switch to back up power. “We will impact the next fifty years by our actions today. We fucked up already letting them go into hiding. Who knows exactly how much information they were able to collect behind our backs,” the leader says. “Doesn’t matter they won’t have us when all this is over. The others will find them and do their part. Same as before. This won’t be over but you’re right we can slow it down.”

The lights begin to flash as the backup systems trigger the disturbance. “We are in the final moments of our chance to do your part. Destroy whatever you can,” the leader orders. They split up and rush through the room pulling board after board. Sloppy they pull what they can as they hear the door open and the boots of their oppressors marching through. “Use extreme force,” they hear someone order before they hear the sound of bullets breaking glass. The sounds of screaming and death soon to follow. The floor is wet in more than just blood as the last one of the resistance takes their final breath. A solider walks over to their dying body. “If you do the devil’s work then you are,” a bullet to the head silences the room. “Sweep the room, recover the bodies, and report back,” the solider orders. The others do as they are told. Dragging the bodies of the dead to the center of the room. The sound of the door opening again fills the room. The sound of footsteps on glass follows. “Report,” a man in a white coat demands. “All deserters accounted for and terminated. Zero causalities on our side. They were unarmed. Damage unknown. Believed to be minimal,” the solider reports. “Good job. Could have been executed sooner, but good job none the less,” the man in the coat says. “Thank you sir,” the solider responds. “Now if we can figure out how they were able to bypass their programming?” The man in the white coat questions out loud.

Odd title… wonder if it is connected?… I’m sure it is… quick and easy story… a thought to link two ideas… is what it is… forever and a day to get it done… see you all again real soon…

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Chewing On Glass Presents: Chasing Darkness…

Things aren’t quite the way they used to be. Things change fact of life and death. Even if we can change those facts like I have. Things still very much change. I no longer know who I am or what I have become. I’m not what most people would consider normal. Well to be honest most would consider me to be eccentric. They always have from every moment that I can remember. Strange not normal. Broken and not equal. Different in every sense of the word. They were right of course, but I guess chasing endless winter is not most people’s idea of a good time. Not most people’s idea of where I should be or what I should be doing. But I like the isolation, the cold, the loneliness of it all. It helps me think and that is all they really want from me in the end. They want me to think for them. To create for them. Being out here in the nothing makes me feel more alive than a room full of people sucking up to my money. Yes, I am rich. Richer than most nations to be exact. To be fair though that isn’t saying much considering most nations didn’t go with technology. The choice was too easy to follow me, to invest in my ideas. Man is flawed in that way. Self-doubt, too easy can’t be the right way. Must resist and so they did. Investing in war and death. I shouldn’t have to tell you how that turned out. But history, stories they are summaries of things we already know.

Turns out bombs don’t feed people or build homes or take care of you when you get old. No, bombs only have one purpose and they do that function very well. But robots? My robots? They can do so much more than kill. Most nations fallen to the way side, disappeared off the map of everything including people’s minds. The advancements were swift, they were quick. I discovered a loop hole that we had missed. Any easy option no one believed to exist. Greatly enhanced soldiers that feel no pain, targeting systems that can target any and everything you may desire, and a defense systems so advanced that it would make nuclear war less of a fear and more of an annoyance. Whole nations wiping themselves out before the missiles even left the ground. Only took a few of these “brave and fearless leader” to wipe themselves out before all nuclear missiles were deemed obsolete. In fact less bombs destroyed whole nations then had ever been tested in the history of any nuclear program. I didn’t just make the world better. I saved humanity and everything with it. These were only the beginnings of my ideas. Yes, my pockets were lined with dirty dollars of anyone who was willing to pay for protection. This is capitalism at its finest. This is everything that we once believed in. Things they change even if we don’t think that they can.

What is left of Christianity would blame faith in false idols and other dated terms for what was coming. Yes, I am that old. Faith can come to us at any moment, but it can not change in an instant. It is enduring like that unlike nations. The faithful fought the next wave of advancements. Pushed my patience beyond their limits. I grew bored with enhancing nations to the highest bidder. It was time to take my ideas to the people. Take it beyond the surface of what I knew and go deeper. Humans are a flawed design. Boasting about how we are the greatest at everything. Spreading lies beyond the fabric of what we know to be true, but I knew with my help. I could make all our lies, all our fables, all our faith in ourselves. I knew that I could make them true. My advancements in nano tech and hybrid parts brought the revolution to the people. Put everything in their hands to do with as they wished. So long as they paid. So long as they understood what it was they were getting into. They didn’t, but it didn’t matter. Humans adapt to ideas they don’t understand. It is a slow process, but they accept the way things are eventually or they die off. Evolution sits as a theory, but the problem is we understand it better than we think. We accept it as truth even as we question its very existence. Deep down we already knew. We have always known what is that we are, where we come from, and how it will all go. There may be no all-seeing god, but something moves us to follow blindly. I will give them that. No one, not even myself can be as arrogant to not believe in a purpose.

The fall was coming. Everything I had created was going to turn. Human history is riddle with stories similar to mine. Roman Empire, the Chinese Dynasties, early man, and the list could follow us all the way to today. Life doesn’t stop under the wheel of change. It grows stronger. Picking up speed until we no longer understand what it is that we have created. A bump in the road, a great fall, but this one was different. This one was not like the rest. Unlike the falls of the past, the missteps that lead to something else. This one changed the game. Changed the world and the human race. We moved past everything we thought we knew. We became something greater than ourselves. The ones that were left that is. The advancements I made in human tech changed the game. We became one with the robots. Equal to my creations. Working side by side until we cleaned up everything. We needed something more though. We always need something more. We looked to the skies once again. Except this time we knew that we were ready to face any and all challenges. No longer a dream, but the next step in our evolution. My evolution, my purpose in this world. For the first time in human history people are too busy thinking. Thinking of ways to make everything better rather than how to destroy. For the first time in human history everyone is thinking like me.

That is why I live here alone like this. That is why among other things I do what I do. I feel this need to distance myself from them. I feel this over encumbering need to be as far away from them as I can. The wind howls outside of my cabin. A few more days left of darkness and the chase will begin again. The world advancing by the minute and my wealth grows. The owner of this world, my empire, lives in near darkness studying the sky for the lost planet no one’s even hear of yet. Trying to make sense of my purpose in this world.

This fucking story… This story didn’t start out like this at all… the original draft was trash… an idea that I didn’t know was there until I looked a lot deeper… So I worked on it… worked with it… typed up the whole thing on my phone… had it all amazing… had it to a point that I thought was good… then technology and my stupidity fucked me… While trying to transfer the file from my phone to my computer… using all the great advancements that Google bestowed onto us… I lost the whole thing…

Back to step one… and I was fucking pissed… I’m still pissed and it has been over a week… still pissed and I have rewritten the whole thing for a second time… but it is over and done?… I just read it… why are you so pissed?… Who cares?… you are right but it doesn’t matter… I’m pissed because the story was vastly different… and how it was different I don’t know… but I know… I write by the seat of my pants… I write until it is done… I purge the thoughts and move on… so if it isn’t written down… saved somewhere… I have no idea what it was that I even said…

So… all that work… all that effort… gone in a flash… and like this character all I think about is progression… not going back… But I had to go back… I had to finish this story… redo this story… because I needed this story for two other stories in this cycle… woke up today… and got it done… It isn’t that bad actually… still pretty pissed that I had to do it again… but for all I know… it might have all been for the best… destruction and loss… may have all been for the best… or maybe it wasn’t… “Faith can come to us at any moment, but it can not change in an instant”

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