Broken Thoughts… Turning My Head To The Side…

Breaking down the barrier
Between then and now
Forever lost in your thoughts
How it is, how it should be
Like suffering where you sit
Here we are trapped in all this shit
An endless cycle
Without a defined beginning
Like suffering as you breathe
Struggling through every breath
Here I am waiting on your sin

Broken wings too bent to fly…

Your words hurt me
I won’t admit this truth
Face to face
The truth burns deep inside my head
An insect among the dead
Feared and never respected
Bring the truth of the world to light
Eating all that you dispose
In the darkness I grow

Scattered across the floor of my mind…

Apocalypse Dawn
Burning scars across the face of it all
The embers burn into a blaze of thought
Screaming words to prove I’m sane
The poison long injected into the vain
Been longing to die with them all along
Just didn’t know it had to be so soon
As quickly as now
Trading everything to not fit in
The transactions leaving tracks across the skin
Selling parts of me to prove I’m not them
Antisocial and got it wrong
Suffering alone for no reason at all
Just didn’t know that it had to make no sense
Not even now
A confusing time to figure it all out
At the apocalypse dawn

Wait that last one isn’t a Broken Thought… it is a poem… yeah well shit changes… Originally only had the title… Apocalypse Dawn… which is why I wrote every line to “As quickly as now“… in the first place… should have been the end of the thought… as it was when I wrote it months ago… but on second pass today… I thought that it was way to violent for no reason at all…

I’m not one to shy away from violence… being vulgar… but even I have a change of heart… when there is no reason for it… So I started fucking around with it and came up with the rest… turned it from a violent world ending thought… to being about growing old… retrospective today?… maybe…

While messing around I wrote three other lines that I took out… they were good… but I only wanted the idea of what they said rather than the actual words themselves…

A fashion statement with no reason
Just go back to the beginning
To see where this began

Maybe I will use them later for something else… or they will get buried in my notes… but without context they are very vague… the first line here is about trends and all the things we do to be “different”… something I am very guilty of… not a bad thing… but as we grow older… as we out grow the trend of the time… popular or not… we may still keep some of things we did as children… but mostly we shed all that we can to fit in to society in the end… All the kids are like fuck that this is me for life… and all of us “old people” are having flashbacks earlier times…

Need examples?… why the fuck not… my thoughts are on display anyway… Growing up I was Punk as fuck… you know like everyone else… I was rebellious to a point… I had crazy hair… basically my bangs grown all the way to the center of my chest and the rest of my head shaved… dyed black of course… finger nails painted… very Misfits… blended with what I also loved at the time… pop punk… lip ring… long shorts… skater shoes… I also had to have black bracelets… the rubbery jelly kind… because Joey Jordison from Slipknot had them… so I had to have them too… I was a mix of fashions… because I was so “different” then everyone else…

I carried these rebellious choices for a long ass time… It was me and was always going to be me… let me tell you kids don’t even know… hit that first job… lost half of myself in an instant… lip ring had to come out (I kept this for awhile… had to take it out when I got to work… but when all you do is work… it became too much of a pain in the ass to take out every day)… nails must be clean… and absolutely no bracelets… I fought some of these rules… I had changed my hair by then… you know because Davey Havok from AFI had a full head of long black hair… so I needed that too… but for the most part it was fit in or starve…

Sell out?… maybe… but somethings aren’t worth fighting for… growing older you learn the difference… for me fashion didn’t define me for me… my thoughts… my words… the music I like… those define me… and can’t be taken away… Lost track of where I was going with this… but shit changes whether you want it to… think it won’t… or believe in your heart of hearts that it can’t?.. unless you are rich… then you can shit from the roof tops with no regrets… fitting in has such a dirty taste…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Almost forgot… a thought… Apocalypse Dawn… Would make such an awesome band name… yeah sometimes the thoughts are as simple as that… and everything else just leaks out…

Right Now… And Five Minutes After… Okay Maybe Longer…

On My Desk Right Now

  1. Reciprocating Saw
  2. Mix of ash and saw dust
  3. Stacks of papers
  4. Ash Tray (Don’t smoke…)
  5. Lego building
  6. Pens and pencils
  7. Lemonade (The drink… not the person or Sprite)
  8. Speaker (Playing Feel Good Hit of the Summer by Queens of the Stone Age…)
  9. My head (Wondering… “what the fuck am I even doing?”..)

Answering a text. “Odd because so are we”… Context important only to me.

Looking over the papers. “What do I even want to do?… Write a story?… Broken Thoughts?… a poem or two?… Stare at the screen some more?… Puts head back on desk.

Daughter walks in the room. Screams at me about Ads on her knock off Minecraft game… “Fix it.” Too broke to buy the real thing… she is too young to even know how to use it… or so I think… deflects with… “I’m working”… Feeling like a shitty parent… the feeling will pass… Puts head back on desk.

Picks up lighter. (Seriously don’t smoke…) Lid catches on fire. (Too much fuel in the Zippo… Might be mentally challenged… stressing might…) Closes lid on lighter. Stares at the screen.

Thoughts in my head. I know that they are there… Big ass spider crawls across my desk. (Not Face Hugger Big… but big enough to notice…) “Do I kill it or let it live?”… try to kill it… it is too fast… lost it in the papers… no idea where it went… “Great”… Puts head back on the desk.

More texts. “Did you do what I asked?” No… feel like a shitty husband… the feeling will pass… Respond back. “I’m working”… Stares at the screen.

Instructions. Insert logo image. Insert links. Think of tags. Settle for what you already know. Schedule post. Put head back on the desk and think of something to say. Make something up if you have to.

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Sober writing is for people… who have something to say…

Let’s Keep This Party Going…

More music to shake your ass too… let’s get a little weird with this one… Same rules as last time… what comes up… comes up… : )

Queens of the Stone Age

This is about sex…. had no idea… because I’m Sick… Sick… Sick… Hack up a body and I’m like okay… talk about sex… and I’m like hold the phone… haha… yeah I’m very American… it sickens me… brings a tear… because I didn’t even grow up in America… That’s how deep these cuts lie… Crazy how much culture effects you each and every day… Oh… and I love this song…

Die Antwoord…

Speaking of… Zef all god damn day… So I don’t know if you know… but all this started and ends with music… That’s all I wanted to be… that’s what I failed at… writing is cool… I love it… but I settle for it… because the truth is… I want to be the greatest drummer of all time… that’s real… Music is my life… everything else is what it is… sadly I was born without any talent… I try… I dabble… I dream… but sadly Broken Thoughts is all I be… life if you ask me… but If I was who I wanted to be?… Fuck… I’d be the Zef American filling your head with sick ass beats… point is we all fail… embrace what is left… Broken Thoughts and all..

True Loves

This one… I find out who they were after I saw a Modest Mouse concert… (My favorite band…) to be honest I am not familiar with them at all… but I like this song… I saw some of the members open for Mouse…. It wasn’t bad… better than I could do… but not for me… I liked this though…

Machine Gun Kelly

Haha… I hated this song… but… in the end I became hooked for dumb ass reasons… MGK... isn’t my kind of shit… but I shit you not… he looks like my brother in law… He is homeless but he chose that for himself… so don’t feel bad… I don’t… asshole is living better than most people… but I still had to be like is that him?… haha… because that’s the dice life would roll for him… American all day… throw up in my mouth… still doesn’t explain everything going on over here… Capitalism details so many things that I don’t understand… basically I got hooked on this song… that’s it…

Die Antwoord….

Full circle… I ran out of songs… My daughter requested this song… that’s how much they have taken over my life… even my daughter knows what is up… This song is crazy… and long… My daughter is dancing to this song right now… between tapping out the beat… Life is crazy here… best line… pick one… this song has many… I may not have been the greatest drummer… but there is still hope for her… pushing music on to her… like I am to you… I am a dad after all… : )

Well… I had fun… hopefully you did too… music is life…

Music Time… Special Report…

I am listening to music… and you aren’t here with me… so we are going to go with whatever Spotify plays me and I don’t skip… let’s begin… (Warning this might get weird… Should be fun though…)… putting links in the captions… in case the video doesn’t load… I got you…

Not even going to comment… a fucking master piece… shit… : )… Pixies
Seether…. shh… Lemons… I can see the irony… : ) and no… that’s not why…

This song is long… fun fact… I don’t like long songs… who the fuck has the time?… I grew up punk… two minutes is pushing the limits for me… but now I am old… I make exceptions… mostly for Tool and Pink Floyd... but every one else?… let’s dial it down… boil it down to two minutes… if I’m really feeling it… I can always repeat… and I will… (Totally fucking around here… do what your heart tells you to do… maybe I listen… maybe I don’t… but who the fuck am I?..)

Misfits

Does this really need a comment?… I got into The Misfits… when downloading music was cool… maybe it still is… I don’t know… I’m not cool any more… Why bring this up?… well back then you downloaded any and everything from who ever you were into… as a circumstance… the name of the song could have been wrong… could have been whatever… but what I liked about The Misfits was that it didn’t matter… you could guess the title without trying… I played a game with my ex proving this point… because it really is that easy… May be why I love titles so much… and spend a lot of time on them… oh and the music is amazing… Did I base most of my post teen existence on them?… fuck you for asking… : ) Honestly who hasn’t?… a much better question… if you are into horror you already know them… and if you aren’t?… you are welcome…

Pantera… the drums… that’s it… all you need… Thunder from the fucking Gods… R.I.P. Vinnie Paul…
Childish Gambino

Okay… maybe I’m kind of cool… I’m hip… haha… Always liked him as an actor…. Mystery Team… all day… a rapper though?… then I heard this… first and only thought… he acts too?… god damn… That beat infected me for a straight year… just hit repeat again… relapsing hard…

Peter Gabriel

Losing all street cred on this one… but fuck a duck… shit in my heart… tear me down… I’d blast this shit louder than anything I’ve chosen so far… Say Anything all god damn day… this song pulls at my heart strings… love that guitar… that voice… fuck you if it doesn’t make you feel something… that’s how serious about how much this song effects me… So good… and I don’t know why…

That’s what I am doing… hope you enjoyed this special post… I had fun at least… listen to music… it will set you free…

Little Fears Is Chewing On Glass…

Or is Chewing On Glass looking at Little Fears?… Either way… we have done it again… Honestly I think this one is pretty good… could be our best collaboration so far… So send some love over to Little Fears aka Peter… and enjoy… (I wrote this before it was out so if you are reading this after 3/3/19… You are just enjoying… Little Fears…)

Okay… now that you have checked it out… you did check it out?… I can talk a little bit about the original project… The piece that you just read… is from a project I have been trying to get off the ground for a while… okay… it was an idea I had that I wrote a two page treatment for and meant to come back to… shit that was probably… seven years ago…

Time fucking flies by… almost two years ago… I offered it to Peter… we are a both a little consumed with our projects… to be honest though… I pitched the comic, Is That A Funeral, to him in our second email… maybe our first correspondence… haha… I was a bit excited to work with him… I’ve been meaning to pitch it to him again… but I left it in the idea bin and kind of forgot about it… then Peter sent me an email about doing another project… hyped… I knew this was the time to actually do it…

In reality though the part of Is That A Funeral that you read is more of a second or third… idea for the project… turns out that the two page treatment was just that… a treatment… so I rewrote the best version I could based on how I wanted it to be seven years ago… hopefully you enjoyed it… I enjoyed working on it with Peter… but he is always a pleasure to work with… so that part wasn’t difficult… and yes… my publishing company is also called Is That A Funeral?… I named the comic after it… seemed fitting…

New logo for Broken Thoughts?… Let me know…

This Week Was A Wash…

Yeah I had plans this week… well I did them… but not a damn thing for the website… next week for sure… in the mean time here are some songs that I am listening to… a half ass attempt to make it up to you… as soon as I pull my head out of my ass… I promise I have big ideas… problem is though… it is really wedged up there… bare with me…

This video is so creepy… but I love it…

Amazing song…
Can’t all be weird… love the bass line…

Right in the Soul… (Music Post)

If they don’t touch you that’s okay… these are just two songs that touch my soul… I recommend finding your own… because music is life… and we all have a beat that keeps us going in this world… find yours… dance… scream… do what you need… : )

Take care and have a great day…