Fixing What Isn’t Broken…

And You Will All Know Me By My Name

Singularity symptom of a crime
Punishment for a sin I’ve yet to commit
Self-sacrifice is a selfish mind set
Always been about the team
Smile and take it deeper
The pain is only for a moment
Spread over a life time
It goes away
The pretense of the present
Set in stone, etched through the blood
Of the words laid out in front of me
Living an excuse of an existence
Watching everything from my digital screen
I’m starting to see what you mean
By myself in my selfishness
Always been true I just wasn’t listening
The sad song you’ve been playing all along
A demon chant with too many thoughts
Present my case to a jury made of my peers
Worthless thought stolen from a god
Jesus had a point when he said
I’ve died for your sins
Words shoved down my throat
A long shaft, do not complain
Be more like me
Be more whole
Be everything you were meant to be
Be all that was ever said
Just fucking be
So easy as you take the steps
Heavy footed fucking foot print
Left in the sand
Lay more down on me
I can take more as long as
I’m still breathing

All Mixed Up

Obsessed with the obsession of death
Constant reminder that I’m still alive
The synapses of your encephalon is more
Than I could handle
Smoke so thick they call it a fog
But we know what it really is
The fumes of your shit consume me
Body and soul
Choking down all your words has left me
Broken and whole
An odd arrangement of what it means to be human
Spit in my mouth and tell me it is love
Dance on my grave
A place chosen for me without my consent
To say I miss you would be more than the truth
Too much for me to handle
An excuses I carry all the way home
You’ve got me, hooked to the back bumper
Dragging the lifeless corpse the rest of the way
All mixed up is one way to say
How you make me feel when I’m fucking you
Payback is a bitch or so they say
The voices never take the time
To shut the fuck up

These are two poems… I wrote a few months ago… and I may have been a little gone when I wrote them… some times I remember why I write things and other time shit just comes out… if you haven’t figured out by now… some of my writing is on auto pilot… not that it doesn’t have any feeling… but some times I just start with two lines or a line… and I just go until I can’t think of anything else… more so when I have been drinking…

I’m sure we all have our way of clearing our minds… I enjoy these kind of poems from time to time… I prefer to write things with a purpose… but sometimes it is nice to just let whatever comes out… to just come out… The hard part about that is that sometimes they don’t fit any where… don’t fit into the “plan”… which is why I have been sitting on them for a while…

My favorite line from either of the two is… “Spit in my mouth and tell me it is love”… so beautiful and disgusting at the same time…

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Broken Thoughts… A Mind Field… To Not Step On…

I’m at the end
Only I didn’t know
The beginning could feel
The same way
I’m at the end of everything
Cut my rope, spared my throat
Why is it you feel the need
To lie to me
The real you knows
What it is that you are doing
Driving the nails deeper
Not worth the price in my head
All I ever wanted was for you to love me
Begging for change, it seems I asked too much
Dug a hole, to a place called hell
I mean home
Buried myself in
Knew it when I was at the end
Only I didn’t know
It would be you dancing on my grave
At the end of everything
Couldn’t kill me
Cut my rope, spared my throat

The silence is crippling

Living through this time
Feels like a walking suicide
Take my hand and lead the way
I’ve given in, tell me what to say
Fill me with all of your lies
A waking nightmare
Another drink and I’ll be fine
A fucking joke, words lost on me
Take my hand and lead the way
To the cliff that hangs
Push me off, can’t resist
Your lies have always been
Everything to me
Does it make you sad
To know what you do
Living through this with you
Has always been more than I could
Ever say

The loneliness is isolating

Silently leading me to my own death
Your venom sinks into my skin
A kiss on my lips
Is all this has ever been
One more day and I’ll be fine
Longest day of my life
Breaking me down inside
Until I’m nothing but
On display
Don’t mistake my agony
For love
Twisting the knife in my vein
You have a hand in everything
Drinking to make the pain go away
Living through this time
Feels like a walking suicide
Take my hand and lead the way
Dug my own grave
I do until this
Ends

Kill myself to prove a point

An endless decision
Without any conclusion
Like suffering where you stand
Here I am

This one was pretty long… You know you’ve had too many… when how to spell conclusion… escapes you… don’t forget to tip your waitresses… servers is the more politically correct term… sucking on a tail pipe… another day crossed of my list… a fucking fool… in sheep’s clothing… basically signing the fuck off… taking a bow… I don’t deserve…

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Digging A Grave… Just Encase…

This Is All

You’d walk through broken glass
Just to get away from me
You’re such a tortured soul
Getting all that you deserve
Starting to believe I’m addicted to pain
All that you seem to provide for me
Heart broken, empty
This is all that you left me
Sowing the words into my skin

You’d eat broken glass
To get away from me
You’re such a tortured soul
Getting all that you deserve
I do believe I’m addicted to this pain
All that you provide for me
Obsolete, hollow
This is all that you left me
Stitching these wounds closed

You’d shit glass
Just to get away from me
You’re such a tortured soul
Getting what I deserve
Embracing this addiction for what its worth
Excepting everything you provide me
Standing, walking away
This is all that you left me
Burning these words into my skin
Over the scars, Over the stitches

Knowing there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do
To get away from me
Is enough to know you were never worth
My love in the first place

Wasting Away

You’d like to watch me fall apart
Full of shit, could anyone tell the difference
Thought I could once
But what is it about you I really know
A stranger in familiar skin
The silence in my head speaks volumes
Need another drink to remember
All the shit you’ve told me
Loving me must have been the hardest thing
Can’t stop leaving me
For what I’m worth
You’d never say
Wasting away
I’d love you through hell
Each and every day
Am I the solution or the problem?
Don’t be the only person who would stay
Just to say they never loved me
Wasting away
Full of shit, could anyone see the difference
This life isn’t worth living
Either is the next
Lost, stuck in this
Don’t know what I want any more
To live or die
Wasting away
Who in my life
Hasn’t lied to me
Trusting anyone seems like a burden
Breathing has become the same
Wasting away
Don’t be another person in my life
Just to say they loved me

Full disclosure… I stole these two lines… From a Stone Sour song called Orchids

Don’t be the only person who would stay
Just to say they never loved me


Except that I changed the last line part from “Left me” to loved me… Normally I don’t do this… but honestly I have been listening to this song so much in the last couple of months… and it is my favorite part of the song… Obviously though it has a flaw because he should have had the line be loved me or “Left me”… we can’t all be perfect…

I’m sure that I am going to take some heat for these two poems… and I wrote them awhile ago… when things were different… could have trashed them… forgot about them… but I didn’t… and I enjoy them enough to share the hurt I have felt over the last few months… because as much as it hurts to pick at the scabs… we are still going to pick at them… nothing is dead if we don’t let it rest… it is time to put these feelings to bed…

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Waiting For You To Realize… What I Mean To You…

Bleed Out

Forcing myself to die
Tearing out my eyes
Want to tear everything down
Forget that I ever existed
At all
Unhappy with the path I’ve craved
A hole in my heart I can not fill
Your words are worthless
Ready to go home
So obsessed with the thought
That all of this is pointless
Forcing myself to die
Tearing out my heart
Want to tear out every part
Forget that I ever existed
Turns out, none of this was fun
After all
Unhappy with the life I’ve created
A hole in my heart I can not fix
My thoughts are worthless
Ready to get going
So obsessed with the thought
Bags been packed for a while
Forcing myself to live
Tearing up at the thought
These faults are my own
Forget that I ever existed
At all
So I can move on
Letting the hole in my heart
Bleed out
Words I thought I could lose
Burned into my skin
I love you now like I loved you then

Living In Time

Thinking about the future
Dwelling on the past
What to do when the scars don’t heal
Open, bleeding wound
Close my eyes and hope
Nothing ever comes
Time heals all wounds
Truth is, the best we can hope for
Is that time will stop the bleeding
Your lies a thorn in my spine
Walk, pretend everything is fine
Following the path of least resistance
Resisting the urge to end it all
What’s starting over
If the most that you hoped for
Lead me here
This has all been a waste of time
Everyone tells me I’m fine
This is normal, give it time
A splintered lie digging in my spine
I don’t care, lets say I did
Thinking about the future
Dwelling on the past
Close my eyes and maybe I’ll die

This could go on for a while… I mean a long while… I have pages and pages of how I feel… how I’ve felt… how I’m feeling… as of late… to be honest… I think I have only hit the tip of the iceberg… so bare with me… this glass is sharper than I thought…

In other news… I am going to start working on a big project… so look out for that… on top of… sad poems about killing myself… : ) Always a good time… here at Chewing On Glass…

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Broken Thoughts…Now A Word From Our Sponsors…

Have you ever wanted to fly?… Needed super strength to lift a car off a cockroach?… How about run a mile in less than a second while being chased by some sort of super natural being that only exists in your head?*… Well we here at Chewing On Glass have an exciting product for just you and all your super human needs… and we are happy to announce that it can only be found here… if you are one of the first 100 people to order… We will personally double your order… That’s right you heard it here… Two for one.. But only if you are one of the lucky first 100**… Do you have what it takes to go to the next level?…

But first… sick and twisted messages from my mind***… Find out more about this exciting offer at the bottom of the page… Grip it and rip it as we always say****

*Warning. There is no product on earth that can make you do any of these things. The Author is selling nothing but lies. 
** There is no special deal. The author is beyond broke and could not support these claims even if he really, really wanted to. So don’t be fooled by his stupidity. Also don’t brag about how much smarter you are than him. Dick move. 
*** We are unsure if he even has a brain. Let alone a mind. We check for a pulse but to be honest we don’t care that much either. As along as the content comes in. We don’t have to shock him with the cattle prod again. 
**** We’ve never said this.

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

Five hours of sleep in two days
Sure I still feel sane

It’s the sleep that would drive me insane
A broken down soul with everything still left to say
Think of the words only for them to go away
Laughing at all the ways this is killing me
One day we will all receive our day of reckoning
A day many of us hope and pray
A peace we’ve been searching for
A goal all the same
Six days later it’s the same beat driving me insane
A thoughtless sound repeated over and over
Eating away at my brain
The music moved me once
Now only a soundtrack to my broken thoughts
Zero words in my head with everything left
To say

 

You couldn’t be a bigger asshole even if you were doing thirty in the passing lane… : )

 

I’ve been living on borrowed time
Didn’t know it until it was true
Death couldn’t come swifter
I’ve known all along
Lied to everyone I knew
Told them I was fine
Dying inside is a solitary burden
Locked in my head with nothing left
Did what I could and this is all that it was
A lifetime spent wondering why
A life wasted on borrowed time

 

Your consumerism is not your freedom

 

Showed up early once again
At this point hard to dispute
That I don’t like it
A death, a life I hold in my hand
Giving anything to not be here
Giving nothing to leave
A contradiction I live every day
Showing up early only feels like a sign
To a lie I don’t want to believe
Broken and no one can help me
Break down waiting to happen
Severed and whole
What is more
I do not know

 

It’s a lot easier to kneel than it is to fall…

 

Walking a straight line
Until my feet crack and bleed
Not enough distance between us
Not enough room on earth
To complement all this hurt

 

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Where does the mind go?… if it goes no where at all?… a crossroads of thoughts… feelings… the mind is a very terrible thing to taste… even more to waste… here I sit over dosing on all the pain… I want an escape… but escaping me is going to be much harder to sustain… smiling all the same… my mind a death trap inside a broken body… I hate… I love… I am only me… live one way… believe another… turns out I’m only human… until I found this amazing product… now I’m just an asshole with an over sized smile… Click the links to learn more*…  Tis the season to sell your soul… spread the word… 

*Nothing in these links will do anything for you. Maybe make you smile but really it is only one demented asshole trying to raise funds to keep all of this going. Support the arts this holiday season. Even if it isn’t this asshole. A review, a like, a comment goes a long ways. It seems small, but every little bit helps. We are all trying to do our thing and we all appreciate you every day. Have a happy Holiday season. Whatever you believe, whatever you celebrate. Enjoy it. Tis the season to enjoy. One world and we are all here for each other. : ) (This has been Layne the whole time… I’m crazy… haha… hugs and kisses from the underground…)

 

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At Least That’s A Start…

The Drugs Aren’t Helping, Take Two A Day

Doing nothing drives the sanest insane
Bring me some new pain
I know I can take it
At all costs, it has to be this way
In the darkest holes I have found
I’ll be fine, wanted you to know
Dragging me through hell
This place I call home
Miss it more than I could know
Simple minded, stupid, what you will
I’ll survive, I’ll find a way to make it
Who I am, Who I’ve always been
Smiling and digging a grave
In your name I pray
You’ll never feel the way I do
I will always fail at this thing
Called life
I will always be the things
I never wanted to be

 

I’m Not You Because You Are Me

Had everything anyone could ever want
Pissed it all away, now look at me
Shitting on the street
Stare, I don’t care, still breathing
Understand, never alive
Don’t you see?
Don’t you see?
Look at me
You are me more than you want to believe
One step away
Feel that?, It’s called a heart beat
It’s called a heart beat
Pissing in the streets, screaming until my throat bleeds
You are me
Don’t you see?
Don’t you see?
Chasing the demons that haunt me
Running from the problem at top speed
Problem has always been
Me
Human and I know you can relate
My home is the streets
My home is this fucking concrete
You are me
Don’t you see?
Don’t you see?
You just haven’t run your course
Of course, you’d deny the truth
I’ll see you, keep the space warm, until we meet 
That special place called home
Six feet under earth
I’m not you because you are me

 

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I know the last post was pretty sad and all that shit… but lets move on until I have better news… I’m Not You Because You Are Me… came out of no where…. and honestly… I don’t like to brag… but God damn… That shit hit hard and I could not stop… a written orgasm… I don’t know if you liked it as much as me… but… that shit sent me over the edge… and then dropped me in a six-foot ditch… what I live for?… hard to say… but it made me feel a certain way…

Because that is how it is my friends… we are all one step from all of this shit going to… well shit… as bad as you think you have it… as bad as we want to believe… it could be worse… some of us have it pretty fucking bad… don’t get me wrong… if you got time to think… well you got it better than most… gratefulness… be grateful for what you got… family… friends… a good thought that pops up… ride it out…  but always strive for more… a balance that can be hard to understand… a balance that doesn’t make sense until long after… It’s about the air… it’s about the breathe… sounds stupid… but what else are you going to do?… 

Don’t like where you are?… keep fucking swinging… keep trying… as much as I love you  all… as much as I want each of you to do what it is that you want… the truth is that no one gives a shit… oh well… heard it all before… are you going to give up or are you going make them believe?… don’t need to hurt… don’t need to destroy… need to find a balance… a mission that isn’t easy to see… all in this together… and we are all on our knees… no one ever said this was going to be easy… climb that mountain… fall down the hill… who really cares… get back up… that’s what people really care about… we will fail… but no one is taking me out… get what I mean?…

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I know you are busy… I know we all got a lot of things going on… I don’t need you to buy anything… click the links… shit on me… tell me I suck… honestly… I appreciate… you even reading one word… you are the greatest thing that could happen to me… don’t be afraid… I embrace you all the same… we are all in this together… hugs… and all will be well… 

Let’s Fake An Answer For the Curious..

These Days

The days bleed together
How it is or how it always was
Questions, answers, sin, justification
The days bleed together
How it is or how I’ve always wanted it to be
Liar, truth, asshole, cunt
The days seem meaningless
When you are around
Bleeding, blending, living, dying
The days are all there seems to be
The days with only you and me
Then there are the days in between
Haunting nightmares, self destruction
I’m not so depressed when you are around
I’m not myself when we are apart
The words seem to mean more than how I feel
How it is or how it always was
Questions, answers, sin, justification

 

Are you on the way to a funeral?
I am the funeral

 

You’re A Star

Looking around I don’t see anything that I need
The need is a reason for the greed
A spoken language of hate and fear
So much better than you
A useless idea
Feeling around for the art
Of how to live, how to die
Such a useless thought left broken in time
Daring to be more than I’ve ever been
Too much work to not be me
Singing death lullaby’s to pass the time
Wish it weren’t true but all I know are lies
Gave you everything that I owned
But you had to take more
They say you needed my soul
Told them I don’t care no more
A raven of broken thoughts I can’t put down
How it could feel to be like you
Wearing a skin of sin
Heart pumping a mixture of deceit and pain
Drowning in this idea that I’m like you
Suffocating under the weight

 

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Success and failure… the mark that we live our lives by… shit on a stick it doesn’t matter… this life… this world isn’t measured in accomplishment… what we do doesn’t matter to the masses… it might only mean something to one person… one among nearly eight billion and counting… we have to be here for one and another… because what the fuck else are we going to do?… 

Sounds fucking crazy… in this together?… who the fuck is there when I’m sad?… no one… wrong… I am… others are.., sometimes you have to look more than three feet around us… sometimes we aren’t in arms lengths… but we are here… What I mean is… don’t give up… embrace your gift… embrace your failures… living life is all we got… so you are a fish that can’t climb a tree… oh well… look for the ocean and set yourself free… 

Believe me when I say you will fail… what that means is up to you… it was never up to me or anyone for that matter… embrace the fail… embrace the pain… grow to be better than anyone could ever believe…. will it hurt… yes… will it suck… you best believe… in the darkest hole… the darkest time… the darkest moment… we grow our fucking wings…. So keep swinging…. keep trying… and if I’m wrong… if it doesn’t work out… know that at least you tried… trying is what it is all about… trying is all that we need… prove those fucks unable to even try that you are right…. flap those wings and lets ride… 

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Please leave a comment if you can… or a review of any kind… I don’t care about the money… tell me I suck… I don’t care… I want to be better… seems pointless but every little bit helps… we are struggling… I just want to be better at the one thing I care about… in that.. I need your help… in this together…. Thank you… for all that you do…