Why Can We Not Sleep Forever?…

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If you follow me on Instagram than you are more than likely sick of seeing this image… need to get a new camera… slash lighting set up… but I think you get the point… 

Now available on Etsy… click here to find out more… 

 

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This makes the perfect addition to your wardrobe if you are a fan of me… dogs… and blood… not so much if you enjoy all three at the same time… no judgment… but bloody dogs is not cool… by the way fun fact…. that is real blood…. pigs blood… but very real all the same… nothing but the best for all of you….

Funny story… I spent the whole day collecting enough to get weird with… my friend thought it would be a good idea to run it through the wrapping machine… her heart was in the right place… by the time she hit the emergency stop… it looked like a massacre went down in the cutting room… it was a little surreal… what if a machine could bleed?… that was a fun day… you can purchase this design and a few others here at Threadless… 

 

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But we all know why you are really here… for the words… this poem collection… And Other Things From This Time… is now available on Amazon… in paperback and digital… free on Kindle Unlimited as well… a friend of mine Jeanne... did a very cool review on it recently… she even added a little something that I think is extra special… if you don’t already follow her… have a look around… she is very talented on many fronts… her photography is on point… her words bring out the best in everything she does… check it out… 

That’s it… I’m out of soul to sell today… see you tomorrow… for… honestly I have no idea… flying by the seat of my pants… for no reason at all… 

Relationship Goals…

Alone

Forever alone
How long for I do not know
It is though everything has meaning
But I know it doesn’t
My blood burns like fire
Icy hot, dissolved of all desire
I want to do well
Time and place transpire
To let me know, tell me to put out the fire
Burns deep, red hot, full of flame
The words have no meaning
But hurt all the same
Forever alone
Trapped in my mind
In a place I don’t really know

 

Never Heals

The feel of it all is too big to fall
Towering empire of selfishness and despair
I know you are nothing more than unreal
We attack with the ferocity of a thousand man army
Left to die on a battlefield made of broken bodies
That does not
Will not care
Right or wrong it is about the moment
Not the idea that enrages you
Could go on
Though I already know you are dead and gone
Lifeless, a corpse I must fuck
As though this is a prize for all the years
At each other’s throat
Love is a battlefield
No, love is a massacre
Of feelings and one’s self
Self-sacrifice is just that
A slowly bleeding wound that never heals

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The first poem was going to be added on Friday… but then I went into a long ass rant about work… works out better this way… would have seemed odd to have added to the other one… trying to find the motivation to do anything right now… my daughter is still asleep… that means I have actual time to think… but as anyone with children knows… all we really want to do is sit in silence… sacrifice my self willingly… would give her anything for one more breath… but at the sake of sounding like an asshole… I’d love more than anything to sit in silence for a day… but who the fuck has that kind of time?… trying to get everything done in an hour… doesn’t feel like I’m giving you anything at all… something is better than nothing… I hope… 

Threadless… for merch…  Amazon… for even more words… Thank you for all the support… each and every day… 

It Arrived…

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“That’s when I was like… She just doesn’t get me… Sometimes it feels as though I’m only talking to myself… shh… acted natural I can see her in the distance…”

“I can hear you Charles… If this is how you are going to be the whole time… Maybe we should go home… I only wanted to have a good time…”

Charles whispers “She gets like this every time there is an end of days… Wait where are you going?… Don’t run away… Every time…”

 

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Peter makes this look easy… if you don’t know who Peter is… he is the mad genius behind Little Fears… if you don’t know who Little Fears is… well the link is for you… if you like horror… comedy… odd things… and… art… Little Fears is for you… also it is okay to groan… Peter is into that sort of thing… Little Fears Presents It Arrived

Forrester McLeod AKA Katy Boyer AKA we just met so I’m not sure which name she likes to go by… but I have been checking out her art and her website… I have to say I have been very impressed by her work… both written… and artistically… so if you like art… words… or discovering new things… then you should definitely check her out… It Arrived… 

I want to thank Peter and Katy for the invite… It Arrived… was a very fun and exciting concept… being that I’m no where as good of an artist as either one of them… It was a fun and rewarding challenge… to try to get to their level… hope you all enjoy this special week-end post… see you Monday… 

Lemonade and Glass Keeping This Alive… part 4

 

Part 1Part 2Part 3

 

Heart-shaped Box by Nirvana (Lemons)

I know, I know. How unoriginal of me. But I fucking love the shit out of this song and it is our list. Lol

I used to sing this song a lot while I was knocked up. I used to sway and sing it as if it were a lullaby. Especially given the lyrics and their possible meaning. Talks of Courtney Love’s “Tar pit trap” and “Meat eating orchid” … yeah… Damn women, using their lady bits to ensnare men since… forever. I joke, but it is partially true. But I just love this haunting melody and you simply can’t beat Kurt’s voice.

 

All You Ever Wanted by The Black Keys (Glass)

This duo… is insane… this track… this track is one that is a soundtrack for my life… another great track to walk into work too… or for the drive home… “All you ever wanted was for someone to treat you nice and kind”… “Take a step before running, Take a breath now before you die”… “When you work the streets darling, Make sure your sneaker laces get tied”… “I’ll be your black bird darling, Hanging on your telephone wire”… At one point I was going to write a TV show… years ago… this was to be the theme song to the show… the music fit the images in my head so well… oh well… shit happens… ideas change… fuck you cartoon network… 

 

Wicked Sensitive Crew by Dropkick Murphys (Lemons)

I love me some Celtic Punk and who are the kings of that? This song is just good. And the fact that they say “In Sydney they misunderstood us” … Well, that just sums up my hometown… I don’t have any strange memories associated with this song, I just like it.

“Yeah, we’re touchy, feely, sensitive guys. I ain’t ashamed I cried when Mickey died in Rocky II.” The band actually came out and said that they know the lyric is not correct, but “Rocky II” simply sounded better.

(Me again… stealing the thunder from down under… amazing band to see live… on a side note if you ever get a chance to see Flogging Molly live… take it… even if you aren’t a fan… they are one of those bands where the records don’t do them justice… Like the Murphy’s…)

 

Cookie Thumper by Die Antwoord (Glass)

(I did edit out the first two minutes of this video… I know not cool… but you can always start it over if you want…)

I’m not a fan of this intro… because I want to get to the song… but it sets up the rest of the song and no one said you had to love everything one of your favorite bands does… Do I like this band because they are awesome?.. Do I like this group because of the lyrics?… Because of their style?… Their personality of not giving a fuck?… Because Yolandi is the sexiest woman I have ever seen?… Who the fuck knows…. But I can’t get enough… Zef for Life… “I smell lovely because I don’t eat meat”…

 

Already Gone by Powderfinger (Lemons)

I need to add an Aussie band in every now and then. I have zero idea if anyone outside of Australia knows who these guys are… Surely you do? Right?

Well, if you have never heard this song, please listen then come back and tell me if you do not relate to this fucking song.

“You’ve been working all your life. All weekends and overtime.” Who hasn’t been there?

“All these things are on your mind. And you can’t relax in a scheduled life” yep… I feel that…

“So keep your love forever young” … true story.

All work and no play. Love and relationships not being what they once were, or never were but should have been. Yep. All of those things. Sing it guys.

 

Wave of the Mutilation by The Pixies

It’s the fucking Pixies… that and that alone is enough… also, check out the UK Surf version… because somehow they took a great track and made it better… The Pixies…

 

That went quicker than I expected… Next week we add five more songs each to the playlist…and tell more stories about how they inspire us… See you then…

Ambrose (Glass)

It’s A Funny Story… Even If It Isn’t…

Trying something new… Imagine that… I haven’t written anything new outside of poetry and the new story I am working on… Sadly that isn’t for the website… Redoing my next book… well kind of… I had this whole theme I was running through the whole book… I didn’t like it… not the story, but the theme… or the idea… shit happens… so I am overhauling a few things… and none of this matters… 

Recently I have decided that I’m really into boardgame boards… it is for an art project that I have locked in my head… so I went to my local Goodwill… and picked up any that I found interesting… one of them happened to be the Match Game… or so I thought… what I actually got was some came from the 70’s called The Ungame… yeah I had never heard of it either… more about the history of the game here… well the point of the game is to start a conversation or get you talking… the concept is just lame enough that I am in love with it… so at least once a week… I will be posting a question from the game… there are a fuck ton of questions… I will give my answer and then it is your turn… yeah… we are going to play a little game… 

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This Week’s Question

What activity do you engage in that involves all of you: your mind, your body, and your soul?

(Softball question I know… It’s the first week…) The most obvious answer for me is writing… I put everything into this… my books… and my projects… so I’m not going to waste your time telling you something you could have guessed…So I am going to have to go with the thing that takes more of me than writing… My daughter… 

Mind… my daughter tests me every day with her three million questions about the same thing… or when she says… “I show you… I show you”… when she wants me to hear her sing… as I am trying to put out a grill fire… life be damned… stop and look at me… or when I have to hear Twinkle Twinkle Litte Star one more damn time… when all I want to do is listen to my favorite song… 

Body… whether she is digging her tiny little feet into me like I don’t exist… or swinging her arms at me like a crazed mad woman when she doesn’t want to leave the park… making me look like a kidnapper or awful person… or screaming into my ear to the point that it rings… because why not… “You’re so funny”… No, I’m so deaf now… 

Soul… because I would give her mine without a second thought… even if it was to add only one more second to hers.. she is one wild crazy ass child… but every moment with her is worth whatever it cost… I don’t think the meaning of life is to create life… but I do believe that she has become my purpose in this world…

 

Can’t wait to hear your answer to the question… Even if it is writing… what are you working on?… Until it is my turn again… check out my wares at AmazonThreadless… 

 

Broken Reality

This is something I would only say to my best friend, but since that is you and since you aren’t you anymore. I have to feel. I have to live as though I am alone. I see you every day. Walking by me as if this is all normal. Walking by me like everything is okay. The hardest part wasn’t what happened. Yes, that was a lot of shit to just take in. The hardest part. The thing I can’t say to you or talk about with you. Has everything to do with you and nothing to do with you. It’s why I can only say it to my best friend, someone I trust, and not whatever this is. The hardest part of all of this. Is going from thinking I’m spending the rest of my life with this one person to I hope I never have to see them again. Seeing you every day is a constant reminder of these feelings that won’t go away. Pretending to smile feels like a thousand knives. Lying when you ask what’s wrong feels like another part of me is dying.

None of this matters. All words that can’t be said. That don’t need to be said. All words locked inside my head. Replaying them over and over again.

The ashes they burn
The hell I have created heats up
Something needs to happen
None of the answers are acceptable
The tears as real as the pain
Forever escaping me, not an option
Your opinion on the events
Broken train of thought
Broken life I have to live
Shattered into nothing
Left chewing on what’s left
What is left when all hope is gone?
A long time coming, slow-moving
Slow to act, now left with the damned
The truth will set you free
The truth will leave you in a shallow grave
Life is a waste, built on past mistakes
Far worse than death, a sentence pierced into my head
If only I could think of anything else
Anything beyond the nothingness
So lost that it hurts
When you think this could be the best
When you think this could be the worst
Hold tight, the undertow is only a thing
Until it takes a hold
Drags you deeper and deeper
Open your eyes
Then you can see, clearly, this is all there ever was for you
Pain

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This is going to be a long month… a long lifetime…purging myself of all this shit… figuring out who I am again… rebuilding a broken corpse of a man once again…  been keeping busy… okay… I have been busy staring at a wall… feeling sorry for myself… hopefully, that will all be done soon… in the meantime… prepare for a lot of heartbreak… 

Still, have shirts up on Threadless… didn’t get around to designing any new ones like I had hoped… books still available on Amazon… Until next time… take care… and remember nothing is forever… so enjoy it… whatever it is… while it lasts… 

And Other Things From This Time Preview

Felt No More

I gave up, then gave in
Still, you’re unhappy with what
We’ve become
I gave you everything
Only to end this with nothing
Yet I’m the asshole
What it means to be a man
I’m the one who should wear
The villainous mask because it fits
I’m sorry I guess
For what I don’t know
Maybe by now, I should
But I held on too long to nothing
To really know at this point
Tomorrow is a new day
And I’m sure you will find a way to ruin it for me
Love is nothing more than emotion
I wish I had never felt before

Because No One Said Don’t

I don’t even know why I bother
The answer is clearly already there
If this were a poker game
I’d had lost three hands ago
Even if you don’t count the anti
I’m down about three lifetimes
Can I get your number must be on par
With selling your soul to the devil
Well I guess I’m here to collect
But you don’t seem so sure I even exist
Quietly though I’ll only seem creepier
Over time
Times up and here I sit wondering
What you are up to
Its late so I guess I’ll never know
There’s a sign that says welcome to reality
But I’ve only chosen to be literate at this point
The ants and the bugs seem to think I’m weird too
So it’s not just you or the crowd
Your boyfriend is way stronger than his five foot frame
Would suggest
The laughing feels better with swallowed teeth
In the end, I was lost so you’re welcome
To tell me that all along I was wrong
How was I supposed to know
Your short skirt meant you weren’t single
Appearances are deceiving unless of course
It’s tattooed on your skin
Tomorrows a new day but I think I am just fine right here

Fucking relationships… now before everyone is like I thought you were married… why are you asking for numbers?… Because No One Said Don’t… is partially about a friend from that time… I feel for anyone who is single or searching for someone… I had this friend… great guy… but he was desperate… and you could smell his desperation from around the corner… he would constantly ask how I found my wife… wanted advice on how to find someone… etc… we all know this person or are this person… no need to cut fresh wounds… but the truth for me… is dumb fucking lucky… I’ve been married for eight years and together for fourteen years… not bragging… but all I’ve been trying to do since day one is not fuck this up… has everything been perfect?… fuck no… A Lie wasn’t written through a lovely time in my life… though that book is fiction… we all know there is truth in fiction… 

There are always ups and downs… relationships aren’t based on movies or perfection… shit at times they aren’t even based on love… I love my wife but there are times I hate that lady… that’s the truth… but I would rather walk down a road of razor blades then be without her in my life… Same for my daughter… there are times that she drives me beyond insane… she has tested my patience more than anyone on planet Earth… but every time she skips a breath I feel as though I am seconds from death… 

If I had advice on relationships stop looking for the perfect partner and try looking for the perfect friend… I get human nature we want to fuck… but stop and think can I stand this person when I can’t?… If I couldn’t would I still care?… my wife is sexy as fuck but I’m not in love with her body… I’m in love with her… Relationships are work… that doesn’t mean you have to force anything to make it happen… there isn’t a checklist… a certain path… and remember compromise isn’t settling… never settle… someone is always going to be them and that is them… you accept them or you don’t… and there is nothing wrong with that… we all have friends that we had as children that are strangers now… we all grow… the key is finding someone you can grow with… that and dumb fucking luck… 

I’m not saying that a shirt from Threadless will help you find true love or a friend… but who is to say that it won’t?… At the very least it might get you noticed… Books are available as well over at Amazon… These will not help you find love but they will help pass the time while you look… Remember being you is all that you can do… 

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