Tag: poetry

Broken Thoughts… Exaggerating My Importance To Society…

A place I once knew
A thought I thought
Understood by only me
This is for everything you’ve done
Everything you’ve become
A nightmare I once knew
A thought I thought
Understood by no one
This is for everything you’ve written
Everything you’ve become
A heart I once knew
A thought that over takes me
Understood you’d understand
This is everything you’ve meant to me
Everything I thought you were
Take the breath right out of me
Took the words out of my soul
Taken everything I used to be

Does any of it matter?

A break between the waves
Air, water, food the rest is pointless
Conditioned to believe I’m doing the right thing
Sacrifice, suffer, endure only a symptom
A schism from underground
Realizing now the end was never the point
The present was always the tomb

If none of it ever did?

The devil’s making her way inside
Her cape draped, drips with crimson
The genius that it is
A flashing image of imagination
A reality stuck in my head
Why is it we question anything that is said?
Why is it we want to be lead so blindly?
God told me once, said some shit about shutting the fuck up
The secrets we’re never meant to be spoken
Only thought about in the darkness of the mind
The dark ages such a lovely time
Truth spread like a plague, killing all of those who said
The age of information, the day of reckoning around the corner
A sin with nothing to say
Are you, is anyone ever prepared for the truth?
Are you, is anyone willing to?
Dancing blindly in the dark
The world was never yours
What give you the belief heaven is any different?
Her trail of crimson grows with every step

Dying inside is a solitary burden.

No one tries to take anything from you
They just did
Selfish and selfless
Explain the meaning and tell me the difference
To get something from nothing
And make it last
Has to be the hardest of all
A diamond in a sea of shit
Shinning but muted
Explain the meaning and tell me the difference

Really need to change this image… need to do a lot of things… won’t go into a long rant right now… not really up to it… just trying to get through the day… feeling lazy… well I’m feeling like I want to take on a million things… and nothing at all at the same time… does that makes sense?.. yeah… I don’t get it either…

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All The Things You Expect Of Me… And Then Some…

I Can Almost Reach

My shame burned into my face
Feeling the words more than I want
Stabbing you deep inside me
A feeling that means so much
Only for a moment in time
Forever locked away
This is the land of opportunity
Each level requires registration
Skin and blood have much in common
In that they are never enough
The color isn’t black and white
Off color green, dead beliefs burned into
Everything we say
Nothing matters when you are free
Up on a cross to get away
Crucifixion means more than
We’d like to believe
A faith in nothing leaves only a lost feeling
Take what you can get
Shape it into something
Turn it into freedom, chains dangling at your feet
Unbroken chains we pay to escape
Nothing ever goes away
Doesn’t matter what you believe
Everything will always be
Just out of reach

Running Out of Ink

Trapped in a parasitic existence
Looking into the eyes of those you hurt
Future unavoidable, forever left failing
Doing it right is doing it wrong
Giving it everything is all that we know
Trapped, left incomplete, purpose
Reasons never explained
Always pushed in our faces
We say
We understand
Have we, could we, hold me
The truth is there is no reason
Hard to swallow a shallow existence
Doing it wrong is doing it right
Fall in place marching to your death
Same as me, same as the rest
A million progressions going every way
Tracing a path to the same place
Ink foaming at the mouth
Spitting blood, are you sick?
Living with it
Future wrote before it has been read
How does it feel to be so human?
What does it matter if it never mattered?
Questioning everything to do with
Your existence

If you look really close at the image… you may notice the concrete in the background…

I’m really proud of the first one… I almost saved it for submissions… but fuck it… I’m sure it would just be rejected like everything else… I don’t like to brag or think that I am this great writer… but… there are some great lines in this one… The first part is weird… a lot of weird phrasing about how I hate my job and station in life at the moment… Then a bunch of lines about how the world is trying to fuck me… no matter how hard I fight it… or you fight it… or anyone… because no matter where you are in life… the next step is just as hard… if not harder than the last one… so enjoy it now because it is only going to suck more tomorrow…

So what the fuck does that mean?… give up?… fight harder?… it means whatever the fuck you want it to mean… we are all at different levels… some of us want to go to the top…. some don’t… but don’t let the dream fool you into believing everything will be better if… yeah if… if I had this… if I had that… if I was there… if I had done this… If is whatever you want it to be… we are all chasing it… but none of us ever catch it… ask around… if we get the time we can all cry about it later… such is life…

Poem 2… was originally called Existence… it was kind of lame… it was similar in tone as the last one… except with having to do with the outside world… it had more to dealing with the one in my head… Kind of a full day for me… I get all worked up about the outside self… calm myself down… and start thinking about how fucked up I am on the inside… how I’m not good enough… how I’ll never get any where in life… doing everything right is doing it wrong… because no matter what I do… still in the same place…

From here it is a basic downward spiral… that’s my day in condensed form… really though I’d say it is more like a heart rate monitor… up and down at a rapid speed until the end of the day where it is more like this………….^…………………

I’m sure an image would have been much easier to understand… but I like making you work for it… haha… there’s no good transition to end this… so that was that… I guess… Ambrose out… no… that was pretty lame… hope all is well…

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Broken Thoughts… Saving Myself for Sunday…

Get over it as they say
Killing off, cutting off the dead limbs
The misery, the pain
Burning down the village of the damned
Taking everything I deserve
Worked harder than I care to admit
For nothing at all
Big ass smile, fucking let down
Watching the flames burn higher and higher
The stench more than anyone can handle
Move the fuck away from me
Haven’t you ever seen someone
Trying to kill themselves for your pleasure?

Face down… ass up… looking for the sun…

I know because I’ve heard before
Thought I could hide my intentions
For eons I’ve done nothing right
A promise I couldn’t keep
Lies stitch together my very soul
God was right they’re all destined to fail
How could I, a fallen angel, have not known
Jealousy courses through their veins
Hate and anger a diet they must consume
No one ever pauses to question
Who creates something so awful and calls them their children?
A beaten corpse with no name
Resurrection after resurrection same every time
Broken prophecy filled with truth
False hope fills my soul
An answer I’ll never come to understand

At the end of days everything will be much of the same… only different…

Through the darkness
I can see the future
Much darker than now
Who am I to complain
Existence is existence
None the less
Bitching my way to death
A threat left empty handed
What the hell else was I to do
To live is to die
Same as it ever was
A broken promise left on paper
Digital age took over
So I guess I really am all alone

It is starting to get warmer here in hell… and fuck I hate it… going to have to go back to writing in the nude… it doesn’t help the ideas flow but it doesn’t stop them either… I hate the heat… can only strip down so far… haven’t found away to strip away my flesh… well I mean I have but I’m going to need some help… In the mean time all I am left with is to suffer… same as it ever was I guess… No idea where I was going with this… the sweat is getting in my eyes and I can’t think… that feeling when that one bead of sweat runs from your armpit and down your side… shiver… bring on the ice age already… it is too hot to make any sense…

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Broken Thoughts… Crashing Ships In The Night…

A bloody feeling touching finger tips
Hints of a reason
Scene of the crime
A broken heart with no life
Stabbing pains in my side
What has it been
Days, weeks, months
I don’t care
The thought only grows
A sick feeling inside my head
If only I could I know that I would
Desperation and a fucked up feeling
Tell me one more time
So I can remember
Slipping through the cracks
Concrete floor never felt so soft
Until they left me bleeding on the floor
Death rattle shaking
A cold wave washes over everything

Scratching at the surface only to dig deeper

Bleeding under the stars
Isn’t any different than not
Feelings become lost
In so much shit
Said I cared when I didn’t
Said I didn’t when I did
I’m a confused asshole
What do you want me to say
When no one believes me any way
Rats will rule this world
Becomes okay, is ok
Past tense so subversive
Predictable predictions on how this would be
I missed the boat, yeah that’s me
Digging a grave at sea

One for the money… Two for the turn around and go home…

Worn down after the years of abuse
The teeth tell a story
Buried in the concrete
Age not in the thought
But in the heart
Taking what is left
Buried upon the surface
Paint the blood on your skin
Drying along the scars
A map of your abuse
Screaming obscenities
Words that remind me of you
What it means
I don’t know
What it does
I don’t know
How it feels
How it ever was
Drowning in the thoughts
Pouring out of the skin
Pressure releasing all the lies
Tell me one more time
How you’d like to watch me die

Someone is always better

Slipping down a path made of sin
The piss feels like rain from here
Choking to keep throwing up
It isn’t hell if it is home
It isn’t hell if it is all you know
Jamming it down my throat to see how it feels
Stuck, shifting gears into another thought
The mud isn’t dirt but shit
Drowning in a sea of all of this
Asked for forgiveness but only wanted a reason
Thought I was full of nothing
Come to find out I just have too much to say
The lines blend together when you line them up
Broken threads in a stream of consciousness
It isn’t hell if it feels like home
It isn’t hell if it is all that I want to know
Fucking useless conclusion
A feeling I lost looking into the abyss
Staring into nothing along
A deep dark hole made of deceit
Love the feeling even if it only brings need

“All you ever do is write.” “Correction… all I want to do is write… there is a difference…” That didn’t go over so well… so I’m off to spend time with my family… Black Yoshi going to paint ever track with your blood… game on ladies… : )

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Fixing What Isn’t Broken…

And You Will All Know Me By My Name

Singularity symptom of a crime
Punishment for a sin I’ve yet to commit
Self-sacrifice is a selfish mind set
Always been about the team
Smile and take it deeper
The pain is only for a moment
Spread over a life time
It goes away
The pretense of the present
Set in stone, etched through the blood
Of the words laid out in front of me
Living an excuse of an existence
Watching everything from my digital screen
I’m starting to see what you mean
By myself in my selfishness
Always been true I just wasn’t listening
The sad song you’ve been playing all along
A demon chant with too many thoughts
Present my case to a jury made of my peers
Worthless thought stolen from a god
Jesus had a point when he said
I’ve died for your sins
Words shoved down my throat
A long shaft, do not complain
Be more like me
Be more whole
Be everything you were meant to be
Be all that was ever said
Just fucking be
So easy as you take the steps
Heavy footed fucking foot print
Left in the sand
Lay more down on me
I can take more as long as
I’m still breathing

All Mixed Up

Obsessed with the obsession of death
Constant reminder that I’m still alive
The synapses of your encephalon is more
Than I could handle
Smoke so thick they call it a fog
But we know what it really is
The fumes of your shit consume me
Body and soul
Choking down all your words has left me
Broken and whole
An odd arrangement of what it means to be human
Spit in my mouth and tell me it is love
Dance on my grave
A place chosen for me without my consent
To say I miss you would be more than the truth
Too much for me to handle
An excuses I carry all the way home
You’ve got me, hooked to the back bumper
Dragging the lifeless corpse the rest of the way
All mixed up is one way to say
How you make me feel when I’m fucking you
Payback is a bitch or so they say
The voices never take the time
To shut the fuck up

These are two poems… I wrote a few months ago… and I may have been a little gone when I wrote them… some times I remember why I write things and other time shit just comes out… if you haven’t figured out by now… some of my writing is on auto pilot… not that it doesn’t have any feeling… but some times I just start with two lines or a line… and I just go until I can’t think of anything else… more so when I have been drinking…

I’m sure we all have our way of clearing our minds… I enjoy these kind of poems from time to time… I prefer to write things with a purpose… but sometimes it is nice to just let whatever comes out… to just come out… The hard part about that is that sometimes they don’t fit any where… don’t fit into the “plan”… which is why I have been sitting on them for a while…

My favorite line from either of the two is… “Spit in my mouth and tell me it is love”… so beautiful and disgusting at the same time…

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Broken Thoughts… Got A Lot Of Things Going On In My Brain…

Processing the idea of such a
Peaceful existence
The calm before the storm
Trepidation fills me
As I inhale
Slowly walking down a path
There never was no turning back
A false promise promised at birth
The lie I have always lived
Being a better person
Is more than just believing
Sacrifice everything only to end up
With nothing in the end
What was ever the point?
Why would you ever try to be anything?
Feel as though I’ve missed the point of everything

Ashes in a tray…

The flickering light mocks me
The darkness seems so much more
Appealing than the light
This depression is sown into my bones
The sadness grows with every breath
Taking this was never the problem
Only a symptom of being me
With no reason I push on
Ungrateful to be so grateful
Judging by the judgement
The sympathy of the times

I’m left feeling so incomplete…

The late nights got me thinking
Maybe there’s more to this stupid thing
A feeling wrapped in a trap
Broken and forever forsaken
The life I’ve created got me thinking
Maybe there is more out there
A failing thought in a concussion
Fractured and forever suffering
The isolation has gotten me thinking
Maybe there’s more to this stupid thing
A sinking feeling trapped within
Simplistic and forever repeating

There are no innocent when we are all deemed guilty…

Breaking through the ice
So thick
A sledge hammer of sound
Sledge hammer of pain
No one ever asked me
I’ve just always wanted the escape
Freedom never meant much
Until it was taken away
Chipping away at the restraints
A freak without a sound
Freaking out without the pain
Told me everything would be okay
Why have you always felt the need
To lie to me

Tried to hit every base with this one… nothing ever really shuts off in here… it is annoying but what else am I going to do?… bored today… did some yard work… still bored… did some writing… obviously… still bored… play some video games?… probably be bored… could read but I don’t feel like doing anything… riding out the day until it is over… if I never make it… it won’t be because of anyone around me… not motivated enough today… that’s more depressing than the depression… rambling on else where…

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Broken Thoughts… Even When I Ain’t Saying…

You keep coming at me
Sticking your face where it doesn’t belong
Maybe it is your ideology that puts you in your place
Maybe it is all the things that you couldn’t say
Beat you down to make it go away
A constant fight with too much at stake
Killing the reasons that drive me insane
Choking all these feelings, put them in their place
Maybe it is all the things I have to take
Maybe it is all the times I have felt raped
The words sink in and I don’t know what to say
Too many days feeling this way

I don’t play God I just Sheppard in his beliefs

Your little tragedies are building up
A cut here, a scar there
The blood rebuilds but never heals
A truth we don’t want to believe
Invincible in the sense that we are not
Riding this thoughtless thought out

Taking each moment in

Falling victim to the flames
Standing up to the walls of Christ
Stuck somewhere in between
A theory, a thought on it all
Trying harder to not try at all
Trapped in a wake I can not escape
God had a plan she just forgot to tell me
Rising above the tide, a glimpse, a vision
Comes to mind but why should it ever
Make any sense
Intention are never the same as actions
Reading minds never got me anywhere

The voices take me under

The darkness hides a secret
A truth we could never take
The nightmare of it all
Inflicted with so many issues
Praying is one way to bring in the demons
Drinking has always been
An escape I could never afford
Breaking down all the reasons
You are still in my mind
Miss the days it was only
You and I
My regrets aren’t the ones hidden on the surface
Resting in the shadows
Sleeping on the cold floor of my heart
Miss everything I could never have
Choices made
Decisions out of my control
Spreading messages I don’t even understand
Saying shit I don’t know how to say
Broken, I wish they’d just go away

Chipping away at all these notes… feels good to get some of this off my mind… my heart… my soul… if words were an avalanche of shit… I’m buried under them… haha… could you imagine?… may have thrown up in my mouth a little bit… if you have ever changed a diaper… the smell alone… shiver… haha…

There is no good transition from that last paragraph… though technically is it a paragraph if all the sentences are broken up?… never covered that one in school… odd they never covered any of my style in school… well that’s not fair… they probably did… but more in the what not to do… so you know I wasn’t listening… obviously… : )

In a good mood today… feeling life… writing all this depressing shit was a drag… kind of felt like who is this asshole?… then I remembered it was me… still in a good mood… good moods are bad for me… I’m not feeling this at all… this is very much gun to my head writing… but you deserve more… and I want to give it to you… maybe you don’t feel that way… maybe you think I am crazy… hey no one reading this really knows… listening to Where Is My Mind by The Pixies… (Not even going to link that… because you should know that song…) Getting lost in that under water sound…

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