Broken Thoughts… The Things I Had Before…

Wish I could think of something else
Nothing comes to mind so I dwell
What could have been, what it is
The past and the present don’t seem
To match the future
Stuck in time, stuck thinking about the times
You meant something more
Something to me that I can’t ignore
The ignorance of our situation
Do I love you or am I just waiting
Wish I could think of something else
Not the words spoken but the ones hidden
Hurt too many times to make this work

A pile of papers with nothing to say…

Going to be one of those days
Dragging myself through hell
A smile and a thought
Doing it to myself
Not nearly as bad as I once thought
Tearing through a lifetime
Night after night
A cold and apathetic thought
What do you mean to me
When you mean everything
Killing all the parts of me that I thought mattered
How wrong I ever was
This is the only way to live a life
With a broken dream
With a big ass smile

“Are you going to act calm, cool, and collected or are you going to run around like someone shit in your mouth?”

An ends to a means
A history rooted in treachery
Knowing why never seemed important
Until you asked
Accepting everything at face value
Crumbling with time
The chains that bind
Who you are and all the reasons why
Who we can be and the reasons why
Questioning everything inside

Was just thinking this picture is rather large… need a smaller version… but then you don’t get the full effect of the image… boring ass day today… but I had fun none the less… I like boring days… to be honest… I look forward to them… nothing going to shit… no one caring what I did or what I am doing… maybe it is a getting older thing?… maybe it is a flashback of my youth?…

Did three hours of yard work… nothing special… maintaining the space I guess… blasting metal at 9 a.m. and waving at the neighbors… they are pretty cool… we all keep to ourselves… I will always like that… I lived in a neighborhood once… where everyone had to be three feet up your ass… what are you doing?… how is the family?… what do you think of this traffic?… checking my mail… you saw them walk into the house so alive… and why the fuck are you hanging out in your front yard like a creep?… I like to keep to myself… haha…

Well I should probably go finish burying the rest of the bodies… got to put the work in if you want to succeed in life… Hope all is well…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Broken Thoughts… Slowly Killing Myself… Very Slowly…

There is an emptiness inside my
Head, heart, life, soul
Craved out by your hand
There is a dark cloud that hangs over my
Head, heart, life, soul
Nothing you say
Will ever mean anything to me
Living through this life
Poisoning the fucking well
Turned you against the thought
Driven under, but I can’t forget
What it is that you have done to my
Head, heart, life, soul

Destined to lead a broken nation… Just like me…

Biding my time until all is dead
Inconstant to the soul I claim to have
Fitting in, in the shadows
The darkness that separates
Me from you
The asshole who deserves a thrown
So much better than you
Fucking stab out the insecurities
All I’m left with
Is dead
A broken thought for the fucking insane
Biding my time until all is dead
Dancing, screaming in the dark
Best friends until the end
God how much do I hate you
Face to face is too much
Can’t use my words when I’m
Not hiding or did you forget
I’ve always been
The asshole in the shadows

Even the lies become clear…

Who knew depression could hurt this much?
Who knew suicide felt a lot like living?
Who knew this could have all been from you?
Hind sight telling me something
Sooner would have been so much better
Working through the pain

Hope you have been enjoying When There Is No More Room… I’m having a blast working on it… trust me I am working on it… In fact this Wednesday… there will be another part… Shitting in the dark…

I know this post is all sad… a darkness I live with every day… but today… feeling pretty good… Yes… I am listening to Bother by Stone Sour… but I am doing great… Textbook I’m lying… but I’m not… at least I don’t think or feel that I am… Switching tracks to Sulfur by Slipknot… I really don’t want to come off as sad or broken… yeah the rails are a little shaky… : )

I’m totally not siting in the dark… pretending I am all right… bored with this topic… in other news… well I haven’t been up to much… I need to do another round of submissions… but really what’s the point?… I got the voices in my head after all… what more do I need?… I don’t really hear voices… at least not yet… no judgement but… Would I feel less lonely at that point?…

The key is to not get up… give up… what’s the difference at this point… keep writing… through the pain… through life… through everything… eventually… something will stick… trust me… a waste of time?… death is the only thing we waste our time thinking about… living my words… see you all this Wednesday… music I love be damned… : )

Merch.. Threadless… Books… Amazon…. Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Breaking My Back Against The Stones… Broken Thoughts…

Washing the blood from my hands
Another failed attempt
To make things okay
Between me and you
I don’t think this is working
Miss you more with each day
Washing the blood from my heart
Took a lot longer that I thought
Preserved it, to make things okay
Between me and you
I don’t think this is working
Want you more with each day
Washing the blood from my hands
Another failed attempt
To make things okay
Between me and you

“Poster child for the inappropriate.”

Not a unique situation
Uniquely the situation
Thought about killing myself
To the point, that I don’t know
If it is already done
What’s the point
If this will all end?
Not a unique situation
Uniquely the situation
Dissatisfaction to everything
I’m around, to the point
That I don’t know
If it is me that is dissatisfying
What’s the point of caring
If this will all end?
Not a unique situation
Uniquely my own predicament

You’d be amazed at the amount of people that talk out loud to themselves. No cellphone, no head phones, and no one with them. “Do I like mesquite or maple?” I don’t know. Do you?

Told me you wouldn’t
But I know you would
Your lies aren’t so hidden
When nothing else about you is real
Confused even more after all this time
A life devoted to you
Could you say the same
Yore lies aren’t so hidden
When nothing you’ve never said was the truth
Drive it in, deeper please
Until I can no longer feel the pain
Your love ain’t worth shit
When your lies aren’t so hidden
Told me you wouldn’t
But I’ve always known you would

Trying out some new… headlines… I guess… to break up the Broken Thoughts… I was working on a book of Broken Thoughts… before everything went to shit… ran into a pretty hard wall twenty pages in… it just all seemed like one long ass poem… twenty pages to be exact… from screen to the page… things definitely change…

Hopefully the change makes the difference… because I really want to get that project off the ground… tell me what you think… If you have left a comment… I promise I will get back to you… I’ve become buried… but I’m not ignoring you…

I guess I should address the elephant in the room… things have become a lot better since I have written those pieces… nothing will ever be the best they can be… learning to live with who I’ve become… why is everything so cryptic?… my life at the moment…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Waiting For You To Realize… What I Mean To You…

Bleed Out

Forcing myself to die
Tearing out my eyes
Want to tear everything down
Forget that I ever existed
At all
Unhappy with the path I’ve craved
A hole in my heart I can not fill
Your words are worthless
Ready to go home
So obsessed with the thought
That all of this is pointless
Forcing myself to die
Tearing out my heart
Want to tear out every part
Forget that I ever existed
Turns out, none of this was fun
After all
Unhappy with the life I’ve created
A hole in my heart I can not fix
My thoughts are worthless
Ready to get going
So obsessed with the thought
Bags been packed for a while
Forcing myself to live
Tearing up at the thought
These faults are my own
Forget that I ever existed
At all
So I can move on
Letting the hole in my heart
Bleed out
Words I thought I could lose
Burned into my skin
I love you now like I loved you then

Living In Time

Thinking about the future
Dwelling on the past
What to do when the scars don’t heal
Open, bleeding wound
Close my eyes and hope
Nothing ever comes
Time heals all wounds
Truth is, the best we can hope for
Is that time will stop the bleeding
Your lies a thorn in my spine
Walk, pretend everything is fine
Following the path of least resistance
Resisting the urge to end it all
What’s starting over
If the most that you hoped for
Lead me here
This has all been a waste of time
Everyone tells me I’m fine
This is normal, give it time
A splintered lie digging in my spine
I don’t care, lets say I did
Thinking about the future
Dwelling on the past
Close my eyes and maybe I’ll die

This could go on for a while… I mean a long while… I have pages and pages of how I feel… how I’ve felt… how I’m feeling… as of late… to be honest… I think I have only hit the tip of the iceberg… so bare with me… this glass is sharper than I thought…

In other news… I am going to start working on a big project… so look out for that… on top of… sad poems about killing myself… : ) Always a good time… here at Chewing On Glass…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Cut Me Up… I Am The End Of All Things To Come…

Losing My Mind

In the darkness I hide
Waiting for you to free me
Hidden deep within
I’ve always been me
The surface a mask
An asshole within
Tearing apart every part
That makes me, me
Strangling the only thing
That is good in me
Watching the world burn
Is all I ever wanted
Greatest fear strangling me
Lost in my own worlds
Confusion sets in
Dragging my scythe
Through the darkness that is my mind
I have always wondered
But I knew all along
I am death and this is what I deserve
A secret held deep within
Passion to see the other side
Purity that will never make sense
Dragging myself through this life
Lost my fucking mind
At this point can’t tell the difference
Stream of fucking consciences
What is real when all is a lie
Chew the fucking glass
That we were all meant to digest

Never Enough I Need More

This isn’t my first
Won’t be the last
Welcoming death as it comes
Welcoming everything
This isn’t
What I set out to be
A place I was pushed to
Time has a way of taking everything
Dying each day
Pushing to make it something else
A disease buried deep within
The alcohol brings out the best in me
I’m not a hero, a saint
A fucking leach
Suck you dry
Take everything I need
Lie to myself
To make everything you’ve done
Make sense
That’s the part I hide
A victim to my own pain
Killing myself was never the plan
All I have left
How could I be so weak
How could I accept such abuse
The worlds a lie
When all I ever believed
Lied to me
Living on borrowed time
I don’t know where to go from here
When everything I believed is a lie
Sitting in my own shit
I wish I was dead
Too strong to do it
Too weak to see any other excuse
Suffering as each day comes
A secret buried in my skin
Can you see when I lie
On the surface all along
Tell me what to do
Because I don’t know what to do anymore

Slipping into a darkness I don’t understand… where does this world go… when it was never meant to be?… where does any of this end when it keeps on going?… debt… love… life… it all keeps going… the truth unknown to anyone… all answers a lie… choking… open my eyes… your hands around my neck… this is all for nothing… this life doesn’t mean anything… and yet… I crave… I want to go on living this dream… that is all it is a dream… in a awakened mind… none of it matters… but all of it seems too…

It all seems to matter in the scheme of all things… I think of space and it’s endlessness… I think of all of the people who have abandoned me… I think of so many things… and here I stand… what the fuck does any of this mean?… what is a world full of darkness?… but endless… tortured and I am the master of all things… what the fuck is wrong with me?… fucking human is all I will ever be… raising a glass to the nothing at all…

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Inspired By….

The Devil Within

Tearing through my flesh
Can’t tell what is left
Dead or alive
Fucking kill it
Doesn’t matter anymore
Screaming in the dark
Take me with you
Drown within a dream, a nightmare
Suffocating
The scars were never meant to be seen
Cracking
Hating all of this
A life I thought I had to live
Destroying everything
Smashed against my skin
I have and always will
Drown myself from within
Thought you knew me
Didn’t know shit
A decision I have to fucking live with
Smile, because this was always for you
Turning over in my grave
Even in death I couldn’t sleep
Fuck me, all the same
Keep on living just to be me
Closing my eyes
I knew there would never be peace
Smiling even as a dead man in a grave
Home is where my heart has always been
A tomb, a grave, everything I need it to be
Miss the way things used to be
Isolation was only a thought that I bothered
Give you even more
If you could show me what it is I truly need
A hug from the one I adore
Wasted too much time
On selfish needs
Punish me some more
Give me all that I deserve

This free write brought to you by… The Stories In Between… if you like it… you can thank him… if you hate it… well you can blame me… either way check out his blog… website… his writing…

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Broken Thoughts… Losing My Mind…

Digging at the stitches
Running my fingers across the scars
My heart nothing more than a reminder
A map made of blood and pain
Who am I to know what to say
Who was I before all of this
The blood runs down my fingers
On to the floor, on to more
A bloody waterfall made of everything
I have ever felt
Who am I
Who am I to question what any of this means
Took what you wanted
Left the discard for me to pick through
A mess of emotions, tangled up thoughts
The fuck you care
You’ve always gotten what you need
Who am I to question you
My dear

Speaking crazy is not a train of thought
The roaches crawl over the bodies
Stacked up in the corner
Laying eggs and feasting on what remains
Breeding ideas that lead to a darker place in me
The smell becomes home
Lay your head down and inhale
Takes time but all things work out in the end
Cold grin chiseled into my skull
Should have never taken what was never yours

Shh… you made your bed of razors
Go ahead and lie down
Press the cold steel against the skin
What’s been done has been done
Line after line
Digging my own grave
Said you understood
Lied as you buried me in
Caved in, suffocating underneath it all
Lost in the darkness
Your light no longer reaches me
Buried under so much shit
Struggling with every breath
How is this any different than before
A question to haunt me as I rest
The final place I’ve always wanted to be
Searching for a lifetime
As it stood right before me, by my side
Who am I if no one at all
Ringing, repeating, beating, trying
To be what it is you instituted in me
A society I’ve always hated
The world I never wanted to be born in
One in the same, one among the sheep
A wolf in bloody clothes

Got rejected again… starting to like it… liking the idea… that every one of my submissions is a thorn in somebodies side… does that make me an asshole?… probably… but at least I tried…

I will just have to keep on digging that grave… not like I have anything better to do anyway… listening to depressing songs to make myself feel better… yeah I’m that kind of person… no idea why… just have been… secret is… they never make me feel better… trick myself in believing that they do…

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