Chewing On Glass…

Living too long inside my head
Same person repeated over again
Living too long in my head
Living too long inside my head
Lost something in me
Not sure what it is
Something to say
Something to do
Dead inside… How long can it last?
With nothing to say
With nothing to do
A lifetime will have come and gone
Before we’d even notice it

No one deserves anything… they must earn it…

There’s still hope
The digging will go somewhere
The digging and scratching will
Lead to something more
As I sit and wait
Patiently for my chance
This coldness blankets my soul
All the words I seem to know
So, trapped in my head
A cage I’ve crafted from bone
It doesn’t even matter if I exist
It doesn’t matter what I do or say
This cage will only follow me
Made from the flesh of what’s been said
To a grave I will take
What has been made of me

Society is what it is… I’m just trying to live in it…

The madness has come back again
Word for word and bone for bone
Faded text to how I once felt
A constant theme I can’t escape
Wave after wave and still
Tied to this same place
No escaping a feeling that won’t end
The feeling of drowning
Another lonely night in my head
Another silent night chewing on the glass
Visions of my own death and still
Suffering to shovel more in
What could have been
If I had only tried
If I had only overcome
These lingering feelings resting inside
The madness that has come back again
Word for word and bone for bone
What it cost… What it is…
How long it will last no one knows
A constant theme I can’t escape
Strapped down in this place

I don’t know about you… but I need a vacation. Anyone know of a good place to rest their bones? I’m looking for a place that is neither too crowded nor too warm. A place that is cheap and affordable and gets very little sun if any. I hear Antarctica is nice this time of year or the moon. Either seems like the perfect place to remind me of home. That’s all I’m really look for… a way to make this place seem better than it really is.

It is hot and I am sweaty. Sweaty in places no human should be… I had more examples, but I am being told that you’ve recently eaten lunch. Sally looks out for everyone… everyone except for myself. Editing is going well. I think I might actually be onto something. A story that makes more sense outside of my head than within. A story that has been resting in my bones for years. A story unlike anything anyone might actually expect of me… personal fiction of the truth…

Another couple of months of rewrites and then I can start all over again. I’m not scared and nervous about starting over. You’re scared and nervous and maybe a little misguided about what might be next. Hopefully a turn around that doesn’t take up another decade of my life. At least I have half of the next project written this time around… along with everything else I have been saving for a day that feels like it will never come… No one tells you that battle to focus only get harder with age. The will to pick your ass up and do anything slowly fades and is replaced with… made it this far what’s another day? Tomorrow.

Throwback picture… Can’t believe how young I look… my eyes have only grown more gray with time…

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