Chewing On Glass…

It’s been too long… It has been so long that I kind of forgot why it was I was gone so long in the first place… Kind of isn’t an accurate edition of the information… but it will have to do because it is all I got for now… What does someone do when they’ve tried everything?… That’s right… they try again… over and over until there is nothing left…  

So… what have I been up to for the last… Jesus… has it really been seven months?… That doesn’t even feel right… Doesn’t feel like much of anything really… because that is how time works… because time is nothing more than what we allow it to be…

It is absurd… time is absurd… and dragging myself through the red hot coals on a bed of nails with no goal line in sight… well that was yesterday… today… and what I have penciled in for next week… Absurd… This is all so absurd… Doing this to myself once again that is…

I thought shaking off the rust would hurt… and it does… more than I can say with words… and even less with emotions… still feeling pretty numb from my slumber… pins and needles… pushing through… I wonder if you feel the same… Hopefully not… hopefully never… but if it wasn’t for the effort… we’d still be sitting around slapping two rocks together for the sound…

I wish I had a better reason for disappearing off the face of the earth… a crippling drug addiction I somehow over came with the help of friends and family… nope…

A sudden and rapid illness I fought with thoughts and prayers… nope… Though I have been sick a few times since last October…. Thank you to all those that believe washing your hands or covering your mouth isn’t a real thing… The mask rests pretty tight against my face… but it isn’t air tight… Only because if it was… I’d be in a better place mentally…

A seven-month prison sentence for a crime I didn’t commit based on evidence that didn’t exist… because being good enough at anything doesn’t mean anything… That might be a little too accurate… might have pushed that one in deeper than I meant too…

So… what have I been up to for the past seven months… besides feeling sorry for myself?… I’d listen to a well-placed argument that I have been up to nothing… I’d argue against that point pretty hard… More for the social interaction than anything else…

I’d argue that I have been writing… I’d brag that I have been writing a lot… enough to inflate my diminished ego into believing I’m ready for another volume of Broken Thoughts… At least that’s what I told myself for the last seven months… Almost every second really… But I haven’t gotten any further in putting that together…

I wrote another fifty-page novella I have yet to do anything with… Look forward to that coming out in who the fuck knows… I’m drowning in projects and dehydrated of effort… I managed to write some other shit down too… maybe you see it or maybe it goes drifts into the nothing… like everything else I have ever said…

Who knows?… I don’t… and I don’t think any of us really do… We are all just sitting around hoping the computers choose me this time… At least I didn’t loose my negativity… Didn’t find peace in my time away…

If anything… I learned there are far worse things than death… and that’s pretending you are already there… Maybe I’ll be around more… Maybe I’ll just roll over and go back to sleep…

All that really matters… Is that I’m still here… For a little longer… So that’s something in the larger scheme of nothing we find ourselves floating around in…