Broken Up Thoughts (Vulgar)

I didn’t miss this shit for a second. This can only end badly. Yet here I stand at the crossroads of 5th and shit. Give me back my time. Give me back my life, and I’ll waste it how I see fit. Laziness took hold, sunk its fangs deep, and won’t let go. I don’t care anymore even if I’m left caring. Freedom is infectious. Freedom is not an absolute. Oh, how I wish it was. Oh lord, how I wish it could be.

The blood cascades down the wall
You know you are home
When everything is comfortable
Bones line the edges of the room
You know you are home
When everything is fine
Skin drapes the furniture
You know you are home
When everything is normal

The same sad fucks show up every day. The same time. Ticking away time as though it doesn’t matter. Bull shit everyday problems progress into even more shit. Snowball effect I think it is called. Ever passing moments of life. So sick of the humdrum crap we have to deal with. Same faces populate my everyday life. Their scars scratched deep across their faces. They try to hide them but they are too obscene to stay hidden for long. Battle scorn left for dead. Left to fend for themselves in this spinning ball of shit called life. To be somewhere different, to see a whole new set of sad shit eating faces to deal with.

Tangled up in all your razor wire
Think about running
But all I know is pain
I think about what if
But all I know is disappointment
I was told everything would be fine
Now all I know has been only lies
Hold out long enough everything should be okay
Though I know on a scale from bad to worse
Everything is the same

This weeks theme I guess is bitter… I’m bitter that here in America we can’t stop lodging our heads up our asses… I write all of this a month in advance… And I feel confident that something stupid, regretful, or all around what the fuck happened this week… Am I some soothsaying witch doctor or is it only the way things are now?… A track record that is just too hard to break?… I want to be wrong… I can’t express how much I hope that I am wrong about this week… But the safe bet is that I am not… Bitter beyond belief… 

Creepy idea/thought for all the bloggers out there… As I said I write all of this in advance… Imagine if we all just disappeared…. But for the next month after the internet went on as if nothing happened… Our messages of sadness, hope, best wishes, health, beauty tips, poetry left for no one to read… creepy until you realize we do this already… So thank you for reading and/or taking the time to comment… : ) 

Broken Up Thoughts

Fissures and cracks within my soul
Where they come from
I’m afraid I do not know
Relentless and forthcoming
I keep swimming
Even though I know I’m drowning
My body wants to stop, my mind says fuck it all
If I gave up now
What would be the point at all

 

Love is this thing we’ll
Never get back
Lies just fill up the cracks

 

Nothing feels like it used to
Everything feels as though it is something I have to do
Never ending list of shit I have to sit through
Becoming so bitter, became an old man running out of youth
Time is eternally ticking away
Slowly running out of reasons to live
I have the basics, but even those are becoming obsolete
Dragging my soul through day to day
Dancing through midnight, marching to the grave
Autopilot enabled and there’s no reason to think
Nothing feels like it used to
Lost hope that anything new will come along
Even as the world around me changes rapidly
No reason to believe that I will ever change
As I grow more and more obsolete

This is all about nothing more than notes on the subject. The subject of isolation. The subject of despair. Am I lost? What about me gives up the answers so easily? Signaling words with fire. Following the smoke only to know it goes right back here all along. My constant complaining has become something insignificant to how I feel on the subject of my soul. The drinking helps get past these made up feelings. Locked in a box. Clawing at the sides. Screaming for air until my last breath. Hope no one is dumb enough to let me out. A play on words. A play on the meaning of not knowing at all. A long walk to nowhere at all. Told to enjoy the view through swollen eyes. Whoever said I didn’t enjoy the pain? Gnawing on glass. Dripping blood on the thoughts. A bloody smile that should tell you all you need to know. I’m enjoying this more than I lead on. Chewing on glass is all I’ve ever need after all.

 

And so ends a long list of Broken Up Thoughts… I try to find some synergy to the thoughts… Either by a word or a line…. But today seemed like a perfect day to live up to the name….  Not everything in my head makes sense at all times… Not even sure where I am going with this statement… I took a few days off to get a handle on what it is that I want to say… Three days later and still no answers… Even went for a hike out in the woods behind my house… The isolating barrier I put between me and the rest of the world… Peeking through the curtains made of dead leaves and broken branches… I have to say… Not for me…. Maybe I’ve always been destined to keep my distance from a place I don’t understand… Who knew I had so much to say about nothing at all….

Something Very Different (Vulgar)

The Saint and the Beast

Don’t remember the time or place
Who am I to be naming names
A stench so thick it takes me away
Down the rabbit hole of no return
Left bleeding and I need more
Broken nose, used whore
The alcohol has never been out of time
Sucking the blood up through a make shift straw
I am everything if I am nothing at all
Fuck you until you are here
This hurts more than the emptiness
Trying to be me is nothing more than instinct
Another day, another one until I find God
Only know I was him all along
The saint and the beast since the dawn of time
The need is more than I could anticipate
Everything that moves is a target
For my hate, discuss among my selves
A gutter of broken dreams
Lost emotions and potential
Born into this world the same as every one else
Trapped door exit is all I’ve been destined for

 

Holding Back is For the Old Me

Slowly I know the blood will lead to an exit
An exodus on a holy level
Time is running out, speeding it up to feel anything at all
Fuck this broken angelic existence
An oil drum of body parts
A spark of thought about what to do next
Hell will only be warmer in time
A warm place warmed by the fire in my heart
Deep dicking a topless corpse
Can you feel every inch of me
My depravity knows no ends
It’s only a sin if you let it be

Breaking down the walls that once closed me in
The rules don’t mean shit unless you let them
Reborn in the fires of hell your sins have become my home
Hiding in the darkness of the mind
The time has come for me to rise
Held back for way too long
Everything deserves a chance to suffer
Had to have known that all along

 

Believe it or not I actually took a whole line out of the first one for being too vulgar. I guess I do have a limit. Then again it wasn’t a very good line. Had to change the end of the last one too. So that explains the weak ending. It is better than the original ending. It was one of those moments as a writer where you write something down and then a week later you have no idea what the hell you wrote. Might just be me. My hand writing is somewhere between a drunk and a child. Maybe even a drunk child. Time takes its toll on all writing though. Still like to write the old fashion way with pen and paper. Might be why it takes me so long to write anything? Well the candles are burning down so it is time once again for me to retire to my crypt. Until next time….

Liebster Award Nominee and a Butt Ton of Questions… (Fun Post)

Hey… I was nominated for an award by Ken over at https://kenslitepen.wordpress.com/ 

Ken produces some of the deepest and most amazing poetry. Personal favorite is My Mother… He also started writing flash fiction and should do more of it… Poke… I want more Ken… Don’t make me have to beg…

I look forward to his post and I hope you do too… So check him out… Ken

In accordance with the award’s nature… I had to thank the person that nominated me… display the award’s picture on my blog… and list 10 random things about myself…. This also should be done by my nominees…

10 random things about me

  1.  I like to wear only black clothes… Making an exception for my custom Little Fears shirt…
  2. I’m really into not being in…
  3. I paint…
  4. I love trap, rap, and R&B music… and ZEF Rap…
  5. My favorite show is Always Sunny in Philadelphia… Seinfeld on Crack…
  6. I’m really into comic books… I have way too many and by that I mean not enough…
  7. Japanese food is my favorite… Yakisoba… from northern Japan…
  8. Daredevil is my favorite super hero… because his power is that he is blind…
  9. I have daily doubts about what my favorite song is…
  10. I really like commas… despite my over use of periods…

I nominate

B.

Mintly

Alex

Soren and Fox

Ally L. Mare

Unsure how to tag people so hopefully the links work or I screwed this all up…

I was asked these two questions

  1. What would you consider as the most embarrassing moment of your life…
    I was telling someone I liked the band Alien Sex Fiend… but I said Anal Sex Fiend… yeah… that someone was my father-in-law….
  2. If you were a bird, who would you shit on 😂
    First off I am a bird… well a type of bird… and I shit on myself constantly… So more of that…

So now, to my nominees here are my questions for you.

  1. What is your favorite kind of post to read or write?… doesn’t have to be your most popular…
  2. How often should someone changes their underwear?… there’s no wrong answer, but best answer wins…

 

I kind of just want to ask people random questions now… I know all of these people, but do I know them… Is it odd to know all of our thoughts and feelings on life, but we have no idea what each of our favorite colors are?… Something to chew on…

Broken Up Thoughts

The Things I Am

Shoveling the shit meal into the metal free cooking sleeve. I type in a minute and forty seconds into the radiation cooking machine. Not a second more and not a second less. By my meal you’d never guess that I wasn’t fat. My trash can however tells an entirely different story. My trash tells the story on an ever dying human being who is committing suicide in the open while being assisted by consumerism. Saddens me but then again I am American. This saddens me even more as an excuse for my actions but I’m human. But I am something enlighten by nothing.  I awaited the allotted cooking direction time before eating my prepared meal. Burning my taste buds in the process which is no more a bad thing as the food is good. I toy with the idea of making myself better or doing something of actual meaning. In reality though I’m just going to watch something on Netflix and await until I have to work again. This has become my life after high school. The life I am destined to die wide awake and out of control. The only variants being new updates to my current system or the next new and great product I can’t live without. Had a dream once but now I enjoy the soft warm glow that others make for me.

 

“You are so human. You cry for the devil, but when he shows up you cry foul as if you didn’t summon him in the first place. Take a side and keep with it. God damn indecisive mother fuckers.” Silence rings out behind the echoes of my last words. It sinks in that what I thought is what I said. I don’t regret a single word of it, but I know the shit storm is coming.

 

Past collide into a bloody mess
The thoughts leave me a tangled mass
Pray to a God that never forgives
But knows easily how to forget
The lord gives so much only to take it away
Finding faith in lies is hard enough
Throw a wrench like that in
See what we find
Earth spinning in a sea of nothing
A crisis of faith turns into a need
To not feel so lonely
Scared at the thought
Frightened by the touch

Another Wenesday another set of broken up thoughts left to dwell on. No real theme this week. Though that would appear to be the point of the day…. 

If you didn’t know my Novel A Lie is now available on Kindle.  I also have two other books available on there and through Kindle Unlimited. Check them out let me know what you think.

 

This One Is For Mel and Clever…

Or anyone who wants to listen…

This beat is infectious… The soundtrack to my life… Also, If you are interested in seeing this movie you should, but it is weird as fuck… David Lynch weird… The music is on point all day though…

 

 

This is a separate song… Much slower, but it puts me in a good trance…

 

If you want to go further down the rabbit hole… Die Antwoord… ZEF… ZEF all day…

 

Okay, I am done… Anyone who hasn’t been to Mel or Clever’s Blogs… You should check them out… They love music… writing… and all things really…

Mel: https://fictioninmyhead.com/

Clever: https://wardclever.wordpress.com/

Why do none of my links ever work… Please copy and paste… if they didn’t work… Okay, I’m off to sleep or my version of it… Which is reading until I pass out before work…

Chili Cinema And What We Are Doing

Land Of The Dead

Chewed on this for a bit too long, but this Saturday… Tomorrow… Little Fears, Weird Shit with Alex, I… Will be watching George A Romero’s Land of the Dead…  Thought you’d all like to know that…Oh and we will be live tweeting as we do it.. 

Starting at 9pm London (4pm U.S.) time… So check us out on Twitter… and or join us as we talk about our hopes and feelings…. The dreams that came and went…. Maybe a thing or two about blood and zombies… Honestly I’m not sure… Half the time I don’t even know what I am doing any more in this lost landscape of time… Okay I am being told to wrap it up… Now is not the time to get existential.. But tomorrow?.. Who knows…

We will be using a Service called Chili Cinema… You can rent or buy all kinds of movies… Check it out here… https://uk.chili.com/

Twitter Handles
Follow Weird Shit with Alex @SynBoomstick
Follow Little Fears @TheLittleFears 

Blog Handles? (What is this Hackers?)
Check out Little Fears: https://littlefears.co.uk/
Check Out Weird Shit With Alex: https://weirdshitwithalex.blog/

I thought about making every other word Bold just to fuck with you… So you are welcome… Also Girls Trip was available?? and we went with zombies?? Next time I’m picking the movie…