Taking It For A Test Ride… Part 2

Welcome to Taking It For a Test Ride Part 2… (Temporary title… I’ll come up with something more ridicules later…)… Part 1 can be found here… (Link)… or you could just look at yesterday’s post… not judging your laziness… Pretty sure I’m going to forget to even add the link… Hell I was on the fence on whether or not I would even do this post… So lets jump into it before I wander off into the woods and find something shiny or something dead to play with… 

 

Movie Review 2

Hotel Artemis

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Spoilers Ahead

 

Where to begin with this shit show… Yet another film I have watched recently where the actors are amazing… the world built is fascinating… and yet none of it really matters… Personally I’m pretty sure someone watched John Wick and said, “Hey, I can do that.”… Well as it turns out they couldn’t… John Wick wasn’t and isn’t perfect… what that film is though is original for the most part… Don’t get me wrong… this film doesn’t just rip the face off of John Wick and then spread it out evenly between a collection of characters…

Okay… maybe it does a little bit… A lot of this film is spent showing how this world’s Los Angeles is and what it has become… a gangster ridden shit box without any water… basically people are pissed… and if anyone knows the history of LA… when they get pissed shit goes down… None of which is really that important to our characters because… well they are bad ass killers, thieves, assholes, and all around menaces to society… so people having or not having water… people rioting in the streets for their right to clean water… don’t mean shit to these miscreants… What it does mean though… for you as the viewer… is that all of this will be taking place in… you guessed it… Hotel Artemis

Honestly not a bad setup to why we can’t go outside… Problem being… I feel like the real issues… what we should really be concerned with is outside of the hotel for assholes… But that could probably be because the world… our world is really heading that way… then again fuck’em… water isn’t a basic human right… it’s not like we need it to survive… so lets spend the next 94 minutes figuring out what the fuck these assholes are up too…

They aren’t up to much… because the Hotel Artemis isn’t really a hotel… It is more of a criminal hospital… with lots of rules… rules that must be followed… or you die… do you understand?… Good… because we are going to break most of them… even a really big… maybe the most important one… Don’t let a cop into the den of deceit… and for no real reason at all we fucking do it… well there is a reason… this wasn’t really all that poorly written… but they really did follow the method of… “Oh, this would be really awesome”… “Shit I’m in a hole”… “How do I get out of this?”… “Oh, this would be really awesome”… wash… rinse… and repeat… But they did it pretty well until they couldn’t… and that my friends is called the end…

I got side tracked there… point is they attempted to build a world that was pretty interesting… they tried to build a place where all of these cool characters could come together… and they barely pulled it off… I wouldn’t say it was a complete waste of my time… afterwards maybe… only because I had the same thought the creator did right after seeing John Wick… “Hey, I can do that.”… but then laziness kicked in… said ah fuck it… and added my ideas to the ever-growing pile of shit I like to call my notes… 

Enough with the negatives… let’s get ankles deep in the positives about this film… The makeup on Jodie Foster was impressive… to the point where I was like there is no fucking way she is that old… turns out she isn’t… great job there… Sterling K. Brown did an amazing job… though a lot of this I feel was just his overall nature of being cool, calm, and a collected bad ass… he is also the main character and in an interesting twist one of the most informed characters about this world…

(For the non-writers… usually the main character has no idea what the fuck is going on… because they are you… the audience… there for we are experiencing this story together for the first time… learning, growing, and expanding our horizons beyond what we thought was or could be… “You mean to tell me I am a Wizard and that there is a whole Wizarding world I didn’t know existed?. Please tell me more.”… that’s at least a year’s worth of college… you’re welcome… Also yes, you are Harry Potter… and that is why if you actually read the books… you too have come to the conclusion that the movies suck… because they aren’t like you or the ways you imagined that world to be… and if you thought they were awesome?… stop lying to yourself… they were shit cash grabs…) 

Back to where I was… Brown does a great job… Not as great as he does on American Crime Story… but great none the less… Charlie Day also does a great job… only because for once he isn’t playing himself in a comedy role… rather he is playing himself in a “dramatic” one… this may sound like an insult… or that I am shitting on him in some way… but actually I am not… massive Charlie Day fan… would watch him in anything.. and I have… and I have enjoyed all of his performances… Always Sunny For Life… As far as everyone else… they were all interesting… they were all awesome… as someone who is really into movies and wasting their life on this crap… I always love when someone I recognize pops up… “Oh shit, they are in this”… comes up a lot when I watch movies and I love that… 

Overall Score

Hard fucking pass… another case of this trailer is awesome… what else is out there?… If you find this on Netflix… someone else paid for it… or you just got sick of burning your money and thought, “Hey, I don’t actually have to light it on fire all the time to have the same effect” … Then I say check it out… There are things to like… but not enough to love…

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I’m pretty sure anyone who was asking for a sequel to Marry Poppins is either dead or dying… what is this the 60’s?… This film is about five decades too late…

There are actually people out there who could use the money…and the help… Instead of blowing it on the making of this film… I’ve got a sequel for you… Mary Pippins Actually Helps Somebody… it’s a documentary… throw in some songs about scoring crack under a bridge called… This Medicine Don’t Go Down So Smooth… everybody has a great time… it’s a family film… a feel good film about how shitty the world is… we laugh… we cry… we wait five decades and see the actual impact of our kindness… I even have the tagline… “Who the fuck is Mary Poppins?”… it could be amazing… 

Been A Minute… Taking It For A Test Drive… Part 1…

(Preface) Forewarning… this might get weird… 

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Movie Review Time…

A couple of post ago… (I should insert the post link here… but I’m not sure which one it was… yeah I’m lazy…) I talked about a few up coming movies I wanted to see… well… fun fact I have seen some of them since then… I’m going to do my best to be civil and not a complete asshole… (I will end up being one of these)… with that said… this is what I know…

  1. I know that everyone who worked on these films gave it their all… every last blood sweat and tear… 
  2. I over explain every thing…
  3. This is all going to be opinion and shouldn’t stop you from seeing either one of these movies if you still want too… 

Actual Movie Review Time…

(Spoilers ahead)

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First up we have Bad Times At The El Royale… and what a fucking bad time it was… I was really looking forward to this movie… and maybe I hyped it up in my head… maybe I saw the cast list and thought… can’t fuck this up… well sadly I was so very wrong…

The movie spends a fuck ton of time building up this world in which it takes place… the real world… 1969 … but a world where all these characters come together at the El Royale… a once swinging place where the rich and famous once came to enjoy the best parts of an excessive life… sex… drugs… and the rat pack… the El Royale has fallen on bad times since then… no longer a place any respectable person should be seen checking out… 

The only redeeming part of this film is the cast and the characters they play… each one is fascinating in their own right… which for one character that we follow through a cringe worthy… suspense riddle… sadly played too well existence… was completely pointless and a giant negative to the over all film… the character that I am speaking of is an F.B.I. agent played by Jon Hamm… unless I blacked out at some point while watching this… (Totally possible… a lot of pacing issues…) I still have no idea why I needed to follow this character for longer than five minutes… or why I should even give a shit that he is sad about not seeing his son… or why he is even there at all… other than to die… yeah you are asked to invest an overall interest in this character and what the hell he is doing for no reason at all… other than he dies… even if you aren’t as soulless as me… pretty sure you’ll feel nothing when it happens too… 

And guess what?… that sums each and every character… all the way through the 141 minute run time… leaving you feeling hollow and confused by the end of this film… not because this film is so deep that you didn’t get something… but because there is nothing to get… that you wasted all this time… for nothing…

Sadly… there was so much that could have been loved in this film… the setting… the characters… the overall idea… it would have made one hell of a short film… or even a novel… could have expanded on a lot of things… things a novel would have given you time to digest… and set up an actual ending… not so much in a visual sense… because I wouldn’t sit through a longer version of this… I could easily see though loving this movie had they cut out some of the back story around theses characters… I might have been left wanting to know more about them… rather than being left wondering why I ever cared about any of them in the first place… or why this man has to look so damn good all the time… 

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Final Grade

A waste of fucking time… watch the trailer… and wonder what could have been…

 

 

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Part 2 hopefully coming tomorrow… where I shit on a whole other movie… look forward to that… If you are into TV series and have access to Netflix… Happy! is worth checking out… much better than the comic… unfair though considering the comic series was only four issues… shows great… you should check it out… 

In other actual exciting news… this is my 300th post… which is pretty crazy… didn’t think I would even get to 10… and here I am… I want to thank every one of you for reading… I know things have been sporadic and weird the last few months… wish I could say that the next few won’t be… but honestly were is the fun in that?… crazy train keeps on rolling… and I thank you none the less… 

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Broken Thoughts- A Perpetrator With a Quill…

Breaking down in front of the lord
Gave you all my sin
Gave me all that you adore
Burning to stay alive
Could all of this have been a sign?
A lesson never learned over time
Up in flames
So dead inside
A walking belief
A walking reason to die
The scars only tell a story
A silent one that makes no sense
Words written in lies
If there is a God
He has nothing left but lies

 

I’m so gone, left wondering why
I do this to myself
So obsessed with a reason to die
Smile this is all I had
Talk about one thing
Never how I feel
Let all of this slip through the cracks
Shattered dreams, bloody fingers
Another reason why
So much of this actually makes sense

 

There is a darkness in my heart
How I feel
Kill myself what does it all mean?
Destroyed, who I am, a darkness
I was never meant to understand
A guilt that doesn’t mean anything
Ask me, I’ll do it
Not a dare, how I feel
Lost, longing for answers no more

 

Look for you in hell
My hands around your throat
Your head submersed in the lake of fire
Found you once, know I can do it again
Not so special after all

 

Love you more than I’ve ever loved me
Saying the same old thing
Clean up the wounds, wash away the pain
Still me, still the same old thing
It kills me to say, it tears me apart
Unapologetically that I will change
The devil you’ve always known
The one you’ve always loved
Killing me will only make me stronger

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Hope all is well… doing good on this end… I’m sure no one will believe me after reading that post… but that’s okay… sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction… Smile… it is today… : )

 

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Dictating An Existence That Doesn’t Exist… Call It Life…

Holiday In The Unknown

Waiting for your words
Waiting for anything
I’ve become bored
Staring at a wall isn’t for me
Thoughts come seeping back in

How I wish I was dead
That life is meaningless

They don’t mean much said only once
Over and over until they won’t leave my head?

How I wish I was dead
That life is meaningless

Distracted for a time
Thought the thoughts had left
I’ve always been wrong
This only proves it
Suffocating under the weight
Of a feeling I can’t escape

How I wish I was dead
That life is meaningless

Reminding me how not to forget
Over and over again

How I wish I was dead
That life is meaningless

Waiting for your words
Waiting for anything
I’ve become bored
Don’t think I’ll ever change
Thoughts never left me
Only distracted for a time

Reading all that they have to say
How I wish I was dead
This life is so meaningless

 

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Normally I do two poems in the same post… but this one was so sad and dark… I couldn’t find a companion poem that didn’t cheapen this one… This one is pretty personal… not really something I want to talk about… demons I battle in silence… demons I’m distracted from for the time being… a normal feeling?… no… has it become normal?… sadly yes…

I can’t stress enough that I am doing a lot better… perfect?… no… but that is life… I am fighting the want to express what this poem means to me… and I’m not going to because… this poem needs to be about what you want it to be… just know that there is help out there… know that people care… it may seem like the right thing to do… the easy thing… but as with everything in life it only seems that way because you are so close… try taking a step back… see the bigger perspective of this thing called life… we all have our place… have to be here though to find it… 

 

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Thank you for the support…

Broken Thoughts… Breaking Down The Forever Circus…

The sadness sinks in
A world with no reason
Broken hearted, left wondering
How much time is left 
To destroy

 

Drinking a death wish left to employ
I’d take you all if it means happiness
Selfish, I’ve always known why
So much easier to take away
Then live this shit day to day
Still hanging on anyway
Raise my glass we’re in this together now
Happiness has always been nothing more than
A thought

 

Emotions come and go away
Words are easy to say
Live?, another question to be asked
Who was I in all this madness
Miss you more than I forgot
They say so many things
They lie to tell the truth
What’s the reason, no reason why
Call it life, call it what you will
Doesn’t matter, how it is to die
Words spell out my life
Words say so much and then we die
Choking on so many things
The mind keeps going
An empty feeling of nothingness
Wasted gift, no one has ever listened
Swing and thinking
None of this even matters

 

People fucking die
And we wonder why
Depression is great
Then you wonder why
The good die for no reason

 

I’m fucked up and it’s all right
Human as the night sky
Who I am with no reason why
Forgiveness, holds hands with sin
Fight hell, fight the light
The truth is more than I can describe
Being human was never the lie

 

“Life doesn’t make sense. Madness? Well… you tell me.”
Cooper Jones, No One Ever Said This Was Free

 

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A few repeats in here… not sure what I am talking about?… well then you don’t follow me on twitter… haha… that’s my one shitty plug for your attention… lets talk about real shit now that business is out of the way…

This week… has been a trail of judgement… that doesn’t make sense… a cross roads of the soul… no… a rite of passage… maybe… the last week has been a fucking eye opener… full of ups and downs… a blank mind… and wonder why I don’t just die… don’t read too much into that last line… death pops up in this empty vessel I call a mind all the time… nature of who I am at this point… normal?… probably not… but it is for me… that’s not what I’m trying to share… no… it is something way worse…

Something is miss firing in my brain… shocked?… maybe a little… I don’t know if it the almost decade of no sleep… who I was always meant to be… or a medical reason… so I will be going to the doctor… in the next few days… I know what I need to say… but I’m afraid… I know what I want to say… but I don’t want it to be true… so it is just easier to pretend everything is fine… honesty is not what I’m good at… telling people how I really feel… is not something I am good at… drag myself through hell to see you smile… is how I’ve always been… getting off topic… 

I suffer from anxiety… self diagnosed… if the smallest amount of change happens around me… a panic attack is sure to follow… been happening for as long as I can remember… I can live with that… because I have… I know what I need to do to… having nights believing I would die in my sleep… so I didn’t sleep… will do that to you… losing your shit because one too many people happen to be at the mall… so I leave… will do that to you… all of these things easy to avoid… easy to talk yourself down from… but the other day… I sat in this special training for my job… as I sat doing nothing… I can’t describe how I felt… I tried to explain it to my wife… I thought I was going to die… right there… no reason… Tried to talk myself down for hours… but the thought never left my mind… I sat there shaking… I sat there wondering if this was it… anyone with anxiety will tell you that’s all it takes… a thought… to set off a shit storm of what’s to come…

The feeling washes over you… the idea consumes everything you know… it isn’t normal… and I don’t know what to do… I know that I won’t die… heart racing a mile a minute… nothing is wrong with me… heart beating the fuck out of my chest… literally nothing is happening… and I know that if I close my eyes… that is it… the end… no more living… no more family… no more friends… and I’m not ready… I don’t think I ever will be… but right now… in this moment… I know that I’m not ready… I need help… denial isn’t working anymore… What that means for who I am… or what I think I am… I don’t know… and that scares me too… 

The truth of all of this… is that I’m scared… all the time… scared I won’t see my wife again… scared I won’t see my daughter grow up… scared I won’t make it to the end of the day… hell I’m scared I’m wasting my time of every minute of every day… some fear is good… but this has become something else…  so… that has been what has happening to me… things have been dark as of late… passing moments… or how it has always been… no idea… things might change… it takes time… or they might stay the same… but I want you to know that I give you everything I can… and I thank you for accepting me for who I am… for giving me everything you got too… we’re in this together… and I’m glad to just stand beside you each and every day… Life is about making it to tomorrow… nothing else… nothing less… nothing more… dark thoughts pop up… slip themselves in… but that is how I truly feel… that’s how I make it day to day… 

 

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It’s Been A Long Time Since I’ve Known…

Reflection Of What I See… Ode To The Soul

Dancing around the issue
Dodging how I truly feel
Because I have no answer
Nothing else to do
Second guessing my very existence
Why, why am I here
Why, why even bother going on
Lost soul, trapped mind
How could I ever be the only one to think like this

First world fucking guilt is killing me
If I ever had to work, kill myself over try
Born into this, fucked since the first fit
No one planned this out
A fucking tortured soul
If there is a god? Fuck off already

If Jesus ever cared
Killed me off long ago
Trapped with this feeling inside my head
Shipped off, told I’m normal
Hopefully I don’t kill off everyone
Just myself… right to choose
A freedom of choice

Crying for help is a weak way to go
What kind of shit show are we running here
Only care when it is too late
Everyone has to feel like me
Fuck your empathy because you’ve had none
Since the beginning

Live or die
Never mattered anyway
The way it should be
What society has taught me

 

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In the words of Mintly… “It’s dark. Really dark.”…. that it is… that is how it feels… no one likes to have their shit smeared in their faces… well maybe some do… nothing wrong with that if that is what you are into… but even you have to know that most people aren’t into that… we pretend like we care… until it happens to us… then we really give a shit…

It doesn’t have to be about gun violence… mental health… it can be as simple as the choices we make… not everyone feels like you… positive and negative… there is a point of respecting others that we have to get along… there is a point where we have to respect other people’s choices… I have two topics I want to talk about… not sure where or which way I should go… either one is too long and too important to talk about both… torn?… a little bit… I never want to tell you how to think… or that you have to think like me to get along… what kind of mindless society would that be?… isn’t that the point of all of this… hear what others have to say and decided for yourself?…

Like I said you don’t have to agree… you can be mad at me… I’ve never been right… never been wrong… I am how I am… you are how you are… respect is more than just a word… same as religion… same as choice… believe me when I say words mattered… and believe me when I say they don’t… thoughts come and go… ideas come up that sound great on paper… then you put them in place… well they are shit… time travel comes to mind… another time I will explain that shit show of a decision… not the time or place right now…  

There is some shit going down here in the states… some shit that is more than likely to come up…  care or not care… won’t change a thing… the issue is more important than the crime… the reason… the fucking why… currently we already have fucked up abortion laws… a vague definition of woman’s rights… personally… if it comes down to me… I am against it… a life is a life… but in reality… in the real fucking world… it isn’t happening to me… it will never truly 100% happen to me… and that’s when I have to step back… That’s when I have to take this shit off paper and understand what is really at stake…  Just because something is legal… doesn’t mean you have to get it… 

I don’t preach shit to anyone… but I do say one thing constantly… I’m all for anything that doesn’t hurt someone else… I respect that abortion goes very much against that belief… but it really doesn’t… laws are meant to protect us… us that are here… Life is life… but no one should tell you how to live yours… in truth… before God… before mankind… a woman’s right to choose is her right… because if it was up to me… I’d want the choice… this topic is rooted in so many things… You can throw religion in my face… it says right here that… yeah it says a lot of things we ignore… and that is just it… God… Devil… who the fuck ever… judges us based on our choices… 

To me that is religion… that is life… our choices… God or no god…  I’d hope that you’d make the right one for you… but I’m not you… and no one else is… it is no ones business what you choose… that’s your right… that is the way it should be… as far as God… and what she thinks… well… that’s up to her too… right… wrong… the whole shitty situation happens… and it comes down to a choice… everyone deserves the right to make that choice… even if it isn’t the one they would choose… 

 

Throw Away Post … Before I Forget…

This is or might get weird… I’m aware that I have missed a post… and I am late on this one… the thoughts are on the wall… just trying to figure out what to say… 

Have you ever played Binding of Issac?… Fuck that game… the definition of a time fucking suck… I do it to myself… it is so fun and engaging… I get lost in it… next thing I know… hours have passed… and I’m sitting here… doing nothing but screaming at my computer… free time gone… emotions on high… and I have to wonder… what the fuck is the point of life?… 

We live to feel in engaged… to have a purpose… if I find enjoyment in the suffering… then is it really a waste of time?… Video games fuck with your mind… you are doing something… you are completing goals… you are winning… you are the best or whatever… but it don’t mean dick… worlds have actually been conquered without them… people have actually done things with their lives… the world was created without video games… and yet here we are… all of the death… all the suffering of the world… here I am screaming at a computer… because it fucked me… fuck that game… 

Okay… I’m done relating my bullshit problems to real suffering…  call it first world guilt… first world problems… I don’t care… modernization creates more problems than it solves… the boy and the fucking dam situation… the more we try to help ourselves the more we expose the main issue in  life… What to fucking do?… Why are we here?… and Why the fuck should I even bother?…  Things were once harder… yet they were easier… Mate, Feed, Kill, Repeat… simple… basic… but we are so god damn special… we are more than the animals we claim to be…

 What becomes when the equation is solved by modern convenience… that’s what I have been stuck on all weekend… who the fuck am I?… In this great a big ball of shit… Special?… fuck off… you and me have always been equal… we say oh no… they are special… no… we say they are great… we say they are our heroes… no… no… we are the same… it has always come down to what we believe… It is all enough to make you go fucking crazy… it is enough that it take over your whole weekend… a life time wondering… why I even open my fucking eyes… 

To play fucking Binding of Issac… to fucking lose… we find pain in failure… embarrassment… truth is… failure is life… what a shitty fucking joke… doesn’t change the facts… fake it until you make… fail until you master it… a slap in the face… a wake up call to the dead… flying by the seat of your pants… is how they tell you not to live… yet how did they get there in the first place?… head against a wall… going crazy… playing Binding of Issac… until I have won?…. 

 

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