Shorter Is Always Better…

Only Way This Ends

Weak against the strong
The current will carry us all
How your treat one
Will determine how we fall
Weak against the strong
The current situation affects us all
The weak verses the strong
The weak against the strong
Who will kill us all

 

Five More Minutes

Running out of things to say
Might be time to take a break
And run away
A way from the guilt
All the pain
Times are tough even
With a mind full of shit to say
Wish it all could go away
Treated, medicated the time has passed
Forgetting, forgiveness it all couldn’t last
Can’t let go of the past
Dreading the future of all things left
Predicting predictions full of shit
Time last forever in my head

 

Chewing On Glass Logo

Chewing On Glass

Going retro with the logo today… Which despite being done by the amazing artist… Jock… doesn’t really fit the whole aesthetic of what I’m trying to do here… then again what the fuck am I doing here?… haha… also I don’t own the rights to the art… though I did at more blood… pixel by pixel… okay I added five red squares of blood and then said fuck it… I think I am still legally protected by fair use laws… (I’m not sure… but if I had to guess… I am not protected at all…)

So why am I talking about old logos?… well lately I have been thinking of revamping the website… adding more pages… more logos… some other shit… which got me thinking about making short films and GIFs… because that’s how my brain works… and because I don’t have enough shit to avoid at the moment… really I just want more blood… lots of blood… like the scene in the Shining… 

blood wall

My favorite part about this movie… and this scene… is when the blood splashes against the white wall… I looked for a longer GIF… but this was the best one… the chaos of it all… sends shivers done my spine… shivers of excitement… hopefully I am retreading on facts you already know… but Kubrick was somehow able to convince the ratings board at the time… that all that red was rusty water… that to me alone is insane… great film if you haven’t seen it… you should… “I’m not going to hurt cha”….

Anyway… more blood… that is where this was going… more blood… darker images… and a thousand more broken promises… things to look forward to… on Chewing On Glass… 

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Broken Thoughts… Best Part Of The Day…

So stupid and simple
Seems pointless to even mention
I wanted all of this, no, needed maybe
The cuts they sting and the skin itches
Who am I without the pain
Don’t think I will ever know 
Ever understand
Until the end
So simple and sad
To think that this was all there ever was

 

A girl already knows it
How much more of this I can take
Broken down and left for dead
A woman already knows
How much more of this I can take
Plotting and planning the revenge

 

Dark and lonely is the night
Keeping time with the halogen lights in the sky
No sleep for three more days
Lost my mind, did it to myself
Hearing voices in the night
Scarring myself against the light
Broken bones and burned out lungs
They call me to come closer
Hidden in the darkness
The chanting never seems to go away
What is it that I have become
A monster, a singular being of existence
Tell myself all will be okay
But what is it that I’ve known all along
Digging deeper, their voices become silent
Eventually they all leave me
Leave me alone to deal with myself

 

Breaking my spirit for nothing to gain
How it must feel to be like you
Where does one go to become like you
Dragging my feet through hell
Because I have nothing else to do
Savoring every moment of this drawn out death
Blacken lung you’ve taken out all the fun
Breaking the chain that binds me to you
One long umbilical cord straight to the heart
Taken enough abuse to last a lifetime in this place

 

Turns Out

The ground gives out, words become worthless
Turns out flat earth people were right
The sky opens up, a hand reaches down
Turns out God isn’t a lie after all
A visual landscape of hell, everything thought was worthless
Turns out the devil was me all along
Created madness with sin, where does one begin
Turns out a verbal history is about giving in
The seas will rise, fall beneath the cracks in the ground
Turns out global warming was a myth
The air gets thinner up here, standing at sea level
Turns out space was never the answer
A visual representation of nothing at all
Turns out the games we play were playing us all along
Living a lie has always had its purpose
Too bad the meaning was worthless
Nothing you have ever said has been right
Your actions steeping in Sin
Who are we to decide where this all begins
Turns out we never existed after all

 

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Glass Eyes and Blood Red Tears…

My mind seems to never go away
Shut the fuck up doesn’t work internally
The silence slices like a gun
Penetrating me form within
Really just isn’t that much fun
One life to live as it rots away
Who knows how much longer
This will last before I know who I am

 

“Describe The Ideal Life”….
One where I am not me…. 

 

I hate myself more than you
Why is it that you are always better?
Because I hate myself more than you
How is it that you can get more done?
Because I hate myself more than you
Who else is as fast as you?
No one which is why
I hate myself more than you

 

“If You Could Live Anyplace In The World – Where Would It Be?”
Japan… South Africa… Maine… as far away from me as possible…

 

 

The world is fated to go up against me
A singular perspective of rape and religion
Words confused but often mean the same
Forever damned without a reason as to when
I’ve given up before, ready to do it again
Another year and I’ll see where I am at
Treading water or wishing I was dead
Give me what you want the world stops for no man

 

“What Do You Think It’s Like After You Die?”
A whole lot like this… smiling and waiting for it to happen again…. 

 

Slipping into a new skin made of barbed wire and sin
If I had known anything would’ve stayed naked and bare
Sliding through nature as though I know
If I knew anything at all be long gone

 

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I recently got another tattoo… it is personal so I won’t share the details… that sounds odd as aren’t all tattoos… but I’ll be as cryptic as I want to be… if all else fail… saving up for my next one… something along the lines of this… 

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Something along these lines… except… black… I don’t want any color tattoos… shocker… the only issue I have with this tattoo… is that I want it on my fore arm… but it might be too big… better suited for my back… which would be cool… except that I couldn’t look at it… and that would suck… also still have to find a way to add some lyrics into it… I’m thinking on the bones… or having the snake not be colored in… instead “color” it in with lyrics… art and ideas are endless… 

If you are wondering… I only have two tattoos… because I am broke… haha… at least that is my excuse… the rest of my ideas for tattoos are up in the air… I have some ideas… but nothing concrete… my real excuse for not getting more… when I was a child I wanted a sleeve of tattoos of Nightmare Before Christmas… then Alice In Wonderland (1951)… also happens to be my favorite Disney movie… then Spirited Away… well really just No Face… 

no face

But that is a fuck ton of black… haha… No Face is amazing… and so is Spirited Away… I hope you have seen it by now… if not.. please do… I remember being in Japan… when that movie came out… unable to watch it but No Face’s sexy ass every where… in shop windows… on posters in the mall… I couldn’t wait… best wait ever… just wish I didn’t have too… okay… hyping the movie up way too much… back to the story… I have none of these things… and as I grow older… I want them… I want all the things… so much of my time… my life… has been waiting for the right time… a fucking joke… don’t go broke… don’t hurt yourself… but if you want to do something… fucking do it… I’m drunk… I love you… Live the life that you want to live… not hurting anyone?… then fuck it… do it… 

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Waiting For Everything In Reverse

Questions

When did all of this go to shit?
When did our lives take a turn for the worst?
How long are we willing to live like this?
What really matters in this world?
Why do we need so many things?
Why do we want so little?
How is it that others even live?
What is life?
What is living?
How could we ever turn this around?
How can we go back to the beginning?
Without losing everything we’ve gained?
What is important anymore?
What is money when there’s nothing to spend it on?
What is family when you never see them?
What is important about what we have to say?
How is it that we live to begin with?
Contemplating questions
Does any of this really matter?

 

In Reverse Things Seem Strange

I feel sick today but not insane
My convictions are stronger than my will
Makes sense if you could be me for a moment
You’d understand then of course
Probably not but that’s okay
No one knows what it’s like to be anything
Too much confusion in the giant fish bowl
We are all pets, barely house broken
We label ourselves man but animal is much more fitting
Examine each thought as though it means something
Sometimes I like to say stupid shit
Without meaning or verbs
I prefer nothing over somethings
But sometimes nothing is never enough
Wish I knew when enough was enough
And I could walk away
We all have our cross to bare
But I feel mine is an absolute
A never ending revelation in my mind
Crucify me if you must
I can’t stop you from doing what you are willing to do
Think in so many ways I might be ready
The pain might refresh my thoughts
Reprise, I feel sick today but not insane

 

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Lets talk about Questions… this is an old poem… back during the dark days of staying up every night… working my ass off for nothing at all… working myself into a suicidal existence… for what I believed life was about… let me say… that I don’t know what life is… but I do know that it is whatever you wanted it to be… if you want to work crazy ass hours then do it… I know people like that… they are crazy ass fuck… but they are still my friends… my family… 

Life is about figuring yourself out… I’m not advocating you do nothing at all… and if you want to do that… I know people like that too… but don’t expected anyone to give a damn about you and your problems… lone wolf it all you want but there is a balance in life… one we all have to contribute too… I work my hours and I give them my all when I am there… but then I walk away… I go home to the things that matter to me… my family… my words… and to you… I pay the prices I need to pay to keep society going… something I think we all should do… but at the end of the day it is all about me… 

Sounds worse than it really is… words can have that effect… the thing is we all owe the world something… it doesn’t have to be big… but it can’t be nothing at all… turning that unused light in the other room off… making sure you do your job to the best of your ability… helping someone who needs your help… letting in that asshole on the highway who passed everybody behind you just to get two cars ahead… fuck that asshole… but at least you can rest assured you are a decent person… even as you flip them off… there is a cost to all of this… one that we have to pay… and should pay… 

“Does any of this really matter?”… if it didn’t then you wouldn’t be here…

 

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Nothing Like The Last Minute

Free Fall Into the Ground

Blurred lines between what is real
What I believe
Smoked too much today
Coughing up blood, coughing up a lung
Three more than maybe put them down
Given up on love because it gave up on me
A light burns on in the distance
Wonder if this is all that has come to be
End of the road, but I still see more signs
Can’t read the words
Know that they’re there from the blurred lines
Still waiting for the fun
The best years of my life and all that shit
Might have left it all behind without knowing 
Knowing may have been half the battle
Still stuck in the middle with no one after all
Miss my enemies more than missing you
Blurred lines of dreams and consciousness
Used to know which part of this life was real
Feels so fake it makes me sick
Given in too much has made me weak
Brought down off my cloud with a free fall to the ground
Never more satisfied than with my own death
Still breathing, fuck it all in the end

 

Chewing On Glass Logo

 

As the title says this was very last minute… lost track of time… I thought I would try a new logo out… it feels too big… a little redundant as well… by now… at some point… you could have probably guessed that this was written by me… Layne Ambrose… as it is my website… can’t win them all… hopefully I will have some new logos up pretty soon… maybe some that don’t state the obvious… no promises… be back on Wednesday with another exciting edition of Broken Thoughts… and maybe some news… at the rate in which I am losing track of time though… who knows… 

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Because Everything Can’t Be So Serious… Or Can It?…

Might be leaving here with very little battery life
But I don’t care
All in my head if you ask me
Not truly dead until five percent
And even then
Bringing all the hurt one could ever need
A sinkhole made of shit, more like quicksand
But who’s asking me
No one ever did so maybe that’s why I’m so bitter
Never got invited to the dance
And I never asked
Locked away inside my head
The despair is getting to me
Self-preservation unconsciously
But there’s nothing wrong with that
After awhile
After some time
All batteries drain away and the signals all gone

 

Mother’s Love Chocolate Covered Shit” was a title I came up with, but never used… It was going to be this long monologue… long stream of conscious thought… about all the chocolate covered shit at work for Mother’s Day… Yet no woman in my life has ever asked me or shown interest in such things… is this a case of society pushing crap on women or a deep secret desire to cover the world in chocolate?… but why only on Mother’s Day ladies?… Why not every day?… change starts with you… if you want something you have to take it… and pour chocolate on it… 

 

Proudly serving those that serve
Hidden slavery no one understands
Taken a fool by the Masters
Best intentions at heart
Proudly owned by those who own me
Wish I could separate myself from who I’ve become
Jaded and lost, time has a funny way of screwing us all
Where have the days gone if they haven’t gone anywhere
Standing in a stand still
Death will be here soon and then what do we do
Rehearsing  my place in all of this
One long line waiting to get in
Praying all of this will seem worth it

 

“I don’t see the bosses yellow Mustang or the midlife crises cruiser as I’ve been known to call it, so he is not here. Which is either a good thing or a very bad for me.” Not everything has to make sense at the time or years later… for some reason I never finished this thought… and even now I don’t know where I was going with this… This next part is in the same boat… a prewrite where… well you can read it and tell me… 

 

This prewrite didn’t reveal shit
Fuck technique when it doesn’t matter
Too much anger to flow
Too much anger to make any sense
Fuck you, like I care
I don’t, oh well, what are we going to do about it?
Suffering maybe the best way
But where does that leave the rest of us
Put your balls on the table
Watch them get chopped off and added to the pile
Wonder what the fuck is happening
Does it matter anymore
Fuck you said in only so many ways
Bit the curb and succumb to the toothless grin
Turns out teeth were more important than once thought
Rotting out from the inside
Your breath smells like shit and I can’t take it anymore
Shattered perception of what it takes to be a man
Called out to define the definition of a vagina
The words are so convoluted it’s like they don’t makes sense at all
Given up on the solution and the conflicted
Hollowed out and welcomed home

 

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This was all in fun… leftover pieces that didn’t fit anywhere else… some of it was stupid… who writes a poem about battery life?… haha… made sense at the time… lack of sleep will make anything makes sense though… the last entry… I have no idea where I was going other than to say random things… was my favorite… a lot of really cool… weird… dark lines… hopefully you enjoyed this trip inside my mind… this adventure into the past… 

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Broken Thoughts… A Passion…

Got to drink for any of this to make any sense
Anything to drain my mind from feeling like this
Breaking apart or so it seems
Becoming the darkness in the shadows of my mind
Not much longer and the devil will be I
Given up so much to not be them
Taken in so much poison to be so far removed
The venom hurt at first, but not anymore
Above all things I have learned
Feeling nothing at all was always the greatest lesson
One more to make this all go away
A broken thought to end them all

 

How long am I willing to wait for everything to be better
How long has it been already
My whole life, nothing’s changed
No matter what I do
My impatience a crutch
My boredom only an excuse
How long am I willing to believe everything will be better
How long has it been already
My whole life, everything changes
No matter what I do
My experiences a crutch
My anticipation only an excuse
To believe this depression will ever leave me

 

A long gasp at the air
Who knew this was it
A long stride into hell
Who knew it could be as cool as this
Broke away only to break in
How we’ve missed it
The signs all pointed North
Been heading South all along
What it is outside the observable universe
More nothing then we can understand
Who knew it was a joke
Wasn’t funny, laughed anyway
Paying attention but no idea what’s been said
Wandering around naked never felt so natural
Wasting time trying to figure it out
No longer running from something
All that matters after so much pain

 

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Been depressed as of late… feeling sorry for myself once again… I hate it… yet I fall right in line… digging myself out takes most of my excuses… sorry energy… I have no reason to feel depressed… but there I sit… staring at the screen… wanting to be here nor there… sitting… doing nothing… pissing myself off at my own laziness… I work like there is a gun held to the back of my head…. but at home?… I stare into a screen… a wall… a mirror… acting as though I have all the time in the world… as though everything will work itself out… I’m all mixed up… setting off the triggers… that leave me lying there… do this to myself… and blame everyone else… talking to myself inside my head once again…

At work I was working on this whole other thing in my head… still am I guess… chewing on the glass… so to speak… the blood drips from my lip… I think I know where it is I must begin… 

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