Post Script of the Unimaginative

Oh, god. Here comes that fucking cat again. Charcoal, they call the cat Charcoal. His is gray and actually a female, but she looks like one of those cats on the bags of cat food we sell. She looks so much like these cats that I have now included her in my theory that I am the sole living being on this earth.  That in some way I have created everything around me. By happenstance, everything in the back of my mind subliminally or directly is being created by me.

“I have these thoughts off and on. I have this crazy thought so often that it almost seems normal at this point. This thought that I am god and the “real world” is nothing more than the way I want it to be. As if I create war and famine on the other side of the world just to have shit to talk about. I could rationalize the same about rules. It is interesting to note that  I have never been pulled over, arrested, or even had jury duty for that matter. I have also never won any major prize, event, or contest either. I have only been seriously ill once and beyond that have had no real brushes with death. All of these facts shouldn’t lead me to believe that I am so special, but they have. They drive me to a point to believe that I am a god like being.

I’m not saying I am God, but maybe the son of such a being or perhaps I am only in a deep coma. One long dream where by happenstance I have become a god like being. Of course, I have tested my so-called theory to no avail. I have wished to win the lottery, dreamed about it, and even thought maybe it would suck to take on such a burden. Nothing, of course, came about this. Sadly though no pay off to my wishes and prayers doesn’t disprove my theory about the world around me. The only true way to disprove my theory is to die which now begins the true crazy.

If I was to die if I could die it would prove that I am not what I believe to be. It would also end this journey. A place I’m not ready to visit just yet. In the meantime, I shall keep on going with my every day boring life and keep formulating my hypothesis until the time I see fit to test it. But honestly, if you were a God what would you end up doing day to day?” Charcoal lets out a large yawn as she works her way to my lap. Taking a long drag from my cigarette, “Yeah, I would want to do the same thing.”

 

This is what happens when you don’t sleep… show up two hours early to work every day to get some writing done… and a stray cat becomes your only friend… I did this for about a year… Things change but always feel the same… I never actually talked to Charcoal… I’d feed her the cat food with her face on it and when she was done she would sit on my lap from time to time… it bothered me so much… I allowed it out of kindness… while cringing at every moment… was she covered in fleas or disease?… shivering at the thought even now… then one day it rained and it rained hard… one of those good old-fashioned Texas rains… I didn’t see her for a couple of days after that… I pretended not to care… pretended it was for the best that this dirty cat was no longer coming around to join in my sadness… my pain… my loneliness… time went on and as it did this horrible smell came from nowhere over by where I used to sit and write… over by the water runoff… a pipe just big enough for a cat to seek shelter in the rain… through the storm… took so long for that smell to go away…  I stopped feeding strays after that…

 

 

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Merch

Fuck the Lemonade and Chewing on Glass present: Lemonade and Glass

This collaboration is a bit unusual… well not really the project itself but the conception?… one night,  Lemons and I were suggesting songs back and forth for several hours… spur of the moment… no real order… no massive amount of thought… and then it came to me… was there any thought to our selections?… did we have our reasons for choosing that song at that exact moment?… pretty basic idea… some of the best always are… we shall see…

With this first month, we decided to pick ten songs each and kind of figure out what this is as a whole… being on different sides of the earth and of different brains, we are doing our best to make this equally our own… a blending of styles and thoughts… a trip beyond the song… a personal level buried underneath the music… each song means something different to someone else… that is what I wanted to explore with this project…

This night, which Mr. Glass mentions, was a great night. Lol. Mr. Glass was my glue that night and I am super grateful, not just for the time spent with a friend while I was in a shitty place but because something positive has now been birthed from it…

As we have found out, we have a lot of similarities not just with our love of ellipses… but also music. And even though we have similar music tastes there is a lot of bands and songs that neither of us has heard that we have now been introduced to… which is awesome! Any growth to our playlists is excellent.

We have also learned that, as we both like some “sexy” songs, neither of us enjoys listening to them together. #laughingemoji So, if you are here hoping for us to be “bringing sexy back,” you may want to bail now cause that is not what we are here for Ward Clever (aka Mr. Clever… if you’re nasty) and Mel (Melons… if you know what is good for you)

Let’s get this show on the road, Mr. Glass…

Totally forgot… this is all on Spotify… under Lemonade and Glass…  apparently, I can’t copy the link… so you will have to do it old school… on the Spotify app… all apologies… 

5-3-10-4 by Alkaline Trio (Glass)

I actually had three different songs circled in my mind for my Alkaline Trio pick… I knew I was going to pick one from them… which became this long listening fest of which one?… Steamer Trunk is my favorite song by them and I also love My Little Needle as well… Then I played this one and I felt that this track best describes my views on work… a common theme in my writing and my life… this line  “I’m so thankful that I’m not one of them,”… really hits home with me… Before I started working so early… I used to think well I’m glad I don’t do that… Then I did… and still, I think well I’m glad I’m not so and so having to do so and so… because there is always this idea that things could be worse… even when they are already at their limits… again see my writing for any more explanation… haha…

 

Fallen Leaves by Billy Talent (Lemons)

I’m not a huge fan of Billy Talent. Actually, to be honest, I couldn’t name any of their other songs… I’ve tried listening to them. They just don’t do it for me. But this song… there is just something about this one… It was one of those songs I fell in love with the moment I heard that beginning riff. And then, my brain said, “play this over and over and over again until you hate music.”

I also picked up the lyrics way before I stopped to think about the sad tale they weave. I have a complicated relationship with song lyrics…

My fav part to scream in the car (my car scream part) would be “I never once thought, I’d ever be caught! Staring at sidewalks, hiding my track marks! I left my best friends, or did they just leave me?” then it breaks back into that first riff… *enters bliss*

It has a vocal quality that reminds me of old school punk bands for some reason which I love trying to mimic.

A lit of the reasons I fall madly and deeply for a song boils down to the singing… the way the words and accents and notes feel on my tongue… in my throat…

This is one of those songs for me… It feels good to sing. And that is why I picked this one.

Go! by Killer Mike (Glass)

I was never big into rap when I was growing up… not because I thought it was bad… more to do with that it was popular… and also at this time when I was growing up rap had become basically a joke of itself… a parody… had I dug in deeper than the surface at that time I could have found things to like, but that wasn’t what rap really was at that time… it was all about hoes and bitches and exploitation of women… of a culture really… so I never got into it… enough to say I liked it… Always exceptions… Outkast has been a favorite of mine since I heard B.O.B…. but as a whole, I wasn’t a fan… Fast forward a decade later… I’m watching Bill Maher and here sits this guy… Huge… big bear of a person…. Wearing a t-shirt… if you haven’t seen Bill Maher’s show… he often has all kinds of people on his show and they are always dressed up… Killer Mike was like Nah fuck that… I’m going to be me… That had me right there… he expresses his views… and the whole time I am shouting at the TV… “Thank You”… something I normally do while watching that show is shout at the TV… a habit that my daughter has also started… by the end of the show… as Bill goes into the last word or whatever… the end segment is called… All I wanted was more Killer Mike… Who is he… they said he was a rapper… etc… google searched his ass like a broken-hearted stalker… I, of course, ran into Run the Jewels first… I could choose so many of their songs for a playlist but I wanted to spotlight what I think is the best part of that duo… Killer Mike… a genius in my opinion… a masterful poet… just an overall great mind of this generation… I don’t get in awe of a lot of people… celebrity type… I get it… they are people, but if I ever met Killer Mike… I might giggle like a school girl… and I think that is because he is not a celebrity… rather just an amazing person… favorite line in this song… “Got AK wordplay might put a pause on your life…. Just like a comma bitch”… I’m a real big fan of commas….

Mr. Brightside by The Killers (Lemons)

Oh man… this song kills me every time.

I love The Killers. This will probs not be the last time they show up in L&G (sorry, Laynes!)

It is such a story song. Jealousy is not an affliction I have suffered from (because I trust WAY too easily) so I tend to place myself more with the female of the story (not that I am a cheater either but, for some reason, cheating is not what my brain hears when I listen to this song)

It is so sensual. I know… I know I said no sexy but this song is not straight up in your face sexy… I think… is it… lol no it’s just me.

“It was only a kiss” and then repeated over and over again. You can feel the pain, this mister is really trying to convince himself… And makes me feel the feelings.

I’m of the mind that, even though lyrics are written and the artist who wrote them had something in mind when writing said lyrics, that song… those lyrics can mean something different to the listener.

That being said… it is actually obvious what this song is about, but my brain says different.

Car scream for this song is basically all of it, but definitely the ending.

I picked this one because I wanted something slightly pop-ish in here. Not that I see The Killers as pop, but they are a little more mainstream… aren’t they?

Jealousy is a terrible thing and it can destroy relationships. Also, it can just be your spidey senses tingling… Now, I’m just rambling… Next!

Taste In Men by Placebo (Glass)

Do you hear the fucking bass line?.. the bass and drum combo?… not sure I need any more reason to love this song… maybe the interesting lyrics… which growing up were very odd… growing up in an environment where people weren’t allowed to be themselves… especially gay… this song was very rebellious… felt almost dirty to listen to at the time… to blast in the car and drive around listening too… One of the things that I love about Placebo is their double meaning lyrics… or themes… this song is could easily be about a woman… or a man… great track… and the bass line… the drums… so good…

Mandy Goes To Med School by The Dresden Dolls (Lemons)

This song makes me click and strut every time it comes on. I turn into this swinging cabaret dancer in my fucking car, I love it.

I love The Dresden Dolls and I love, love, love Amanda “Fucking” Palmer. I have posted about her and her songs before.(Here) But this song just makes me dance.

The lyrics are… well… Let’s just say, intake this journey with Mr. Glass, I have realized that I have a difficult time in deciphering the meaning of lyrics, but that is part of the point. It is about the personal connection to the song.

This is another “upbeat melody/dark AF meaning” sort of songs. There are lots of hints towards abortion in here, and not just abortion but the dodgy “backyard” abortions which used to be a problem. (I say “used to” because I live in Australia, in a place where abortion is an easy thing to organize and it is even relatively cheap and the most you deal with is normally just one random crazy lady standing out the front screaming at you… I realize this makes me sound like I have had a tonne of abortions, but really I have always been that friend who everyone seems to want to take as support to their abortions… which makes sense… Cause I am a fucking nice person.)

I would make an educated guess that AFP is totes pro-choice so it wouldn’t shock me if I am correct here. With lyrics like “I’ve been feeling dull as a coat hanger” and “Put away those pliers, honey. Trust me ’cause I know the options. How about a nine-month-long vacation. And a two-foot coffin” … it gets dark…

So, despite (or because of) the dark depths of this song, it goes on the playlist. Car scream is probs the lyrics up there…

That was only 6 out of 20 songs… I think we might have bitten off more than we can chew… haha… Look out for more posts this month… that pertain to this subject… As the project goes we hope to get to fifty total songs on the playlist… If you have Spotify you can listen to the playlist as we add more songs throughout the month and the coming months… Lemonade and Glass… 

Let us know what you think… What are your favorite songs and why?… hope you enjoyed this… 

Digging Deeper

 

As many of you know I took the last month off for a break… a month later and I’m wishing that I hadn’t… haha… I was able to finish the rough draft of my book… and then everything went to shit after that… I got super lazy… not in a good way… mostly I did nothing… worked on some new stuff here and there… dove headfirst back into No Man’s Sky… overall though I lost my drive… which was very odd for me… normally I like to write and write until there is no end… I felt on this last break very drained, however… took a much longer time to compose this month’s content… I think I have been trying too hard… or at least that is what I’m being told… what I am feeling…

This month I am going back to the original format… back to normal… as I try to switch my brain back into gear… I also have some new things going on… Fuck the Lemonade and I have been working on a project that will come out later this month… pretty excited about that… it will be a project based on our love of music… our thoughts… I will also be changing Tuesdays from just regular Chewing on Glass blog post to Post Scripts of the Unimaginative… which is nothing more than before the blog… before Chewing on Glass was an idea type of posts… really just a slight change to the normal format… Another project should be debuting called Five Words I Like and One That I Hate… I’ve been working on this project in my head for months… so look out for that… I’m also working to get more shirts up in the shop… should be an exciting month…

I want to take the time to thank everyone for their amazing comments throughout the month and for taking the time to read my Broken Thoughts… I’d also like to apologize for all the late responses as I try to kick my ass into gear…  they didn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated… I will get back to each and every one of them…

Special announcement… Happy Birthday, Soren… I hope you have an amazing day… and get everything you want… you are an amazing person and deserve it… even if you are a Biebliever… you are still pretty cool in my book…

If you don’t know who Soren is she is one half of an amazing team of Soren and Fox… collectively know as Low On Juice… A great group of friends who write an amazing blog and go to school full time… very impressed and you should check them out…

Looking forward to another great six months and thank you all again for being here with me…

 

For Fox…

I know this is late… Time differences… and such… can’t blame it all on the world spinning though… I’m known for being late… so some of it… I guess is on me… 

Happy Birthday Fox….

At Their Mercy
“All men are at the mercy of their women. They like to pretend they are big and strong, complete in some way. Men like to portray that they need no one, but in reality, they need someone. Writers are no different. Writer’s need someone more than any other type of person. Behind every great story is an even great heartache.” I take a sip from my glass. “So, who broke your heart then?” She smiles. “Whom,” I say before looking away, “I’m afraid I haven’t seen all of their faces yet. Let alone know their names.” She laughs, her breasts jiggle as she pretends to be amused by my charm. “You are good,” she smiles. This is how it begins.

Something smashes against the wall. Doesn’t matter what. All that matters is that it lies in pieces at my feet. A losing battle with no real winner. Most are once it gets to this point. This point of not caring about personal things. Everything is a weapon if you let it be. Random objects are no different. Her words much of the same. “You are a piece of shit. You know that don’t you? I hope you know that. It was that girl down the hall wasn’t it? With her tight ass and sexy ways.” Always with the accusations never any facts. Digging and scratching for anything until the lies become truth. For once I’d like to be presented with some truth. Though truthfully I wonder if the girl down the hall is seeing anyone. “You know I used to be sexy. Until I met you. Then you fattened me up to the point you didn’t want me anymore.” There could be some truth in there, but I’m not sure what parts at the moment. I stay silent. Past experiences tell me to stay silent. When she is calm I can leave. I dodge yet another object. It crashes into the wall. This time leaving a hole where it now sits. “You are an asshole. You used me all up and now you want to leave me? I won’t let you. You’re not leaving me because I’m leaving your cheating ass.” More things fly. That’s all they are, are things. Words and things. For some that is all they have. They work for things, to get more things, to break those said things.

“You have nothing to say for yourself? Of course you don’t. All your real emotions go into those stupid stories of yours. Your worthless piece of shit stories. You are a horrible writer. You know that?” I must be getting pretty good to derive this much emotion. Maybe I am ready for the world? “You pretend to be all profound, but that’s just it. You are a pretender. You pretend like you give a shit and you pretend like you can fuck. But you know what asshole? You can’t, so I hope little miss whatever the fuck likes going to bed wondering when a real man is showing up. Because the Lord knows I’m still waiting.” Still I say nothing. Though I want her now more than ever. I don’t take the bait. I would have been gone by now, but you never turn your back on a wounded animal. Never, I’ve got the scars to prove it. “Jesus. Nothing, still nothing?” A long silence filled only with her heavy breathing. “Just get out. Get out of here already.” I pack quickly. No use taking things I don’t need. That was the point of all of this. Getting rid of the things I don’t need.

I make my way out the door and down the street. I make my way to yet another bar. Passing the familiar places I call home. Each one filled with too many women who have heard too many of my lines. They are getting stale. The lines sound cheap in my head and even cheaper out of my mouth. I enter this new place. By new I mean one I haven’t been to recently. She sits at the end of the bar. Not my typical type but in desperate times what is a man to do? She pretends to be uninterested and I have found my way in. It is easy to find yet another one I can take a hold of. Because all men are at the mercy of their women, but really all women are at the mercy of their men.

 

Hopefully you enjoyed this tale… heavily inspired by Bukowski… and bad times… Have a wonderful birthday… 

Ambrose…