Took It For What It Was… Broken Thoughts…

Bleeding out the words
For all those to see
Those of us in need like me
Sleeping through the moments
Working the words into the bone
Said you wanted more
Given all that I could afford
Running on nothing but an idea
Of how all this was meant to be
Liked to think I knew anything at all
But at least in that sense
I know better
Told myself I’d never cross a line
Nowhere in sight
Standing at the threshold of nothing
Forget wondering I already know
Too far to be done
Give away everything because
One day you will have nothing to lose
Full circle from where I am to where I was
A pool of my words, a river of blood
Sitting in an ocean of my own thoughts
Where is it that I ever thought I was?

“I want to be found like a lost party in the desert”…

What’s one more dance with death
When life feels like it is leaving me
Tired of all the disease, the sickness, this infection
Tired of all the need, the want, this thing in me
What’s one more day with life
When death always feels like it is chasing me

Drinking the blood to replenish the soul…

A belief in something real
The idea that we are not alone
Drowning in questions with no answers
Free will was meant to be freedom
A broken system programmed into my head
The idea that any of this was meant to work
Is lost on me
Figuring out not even God
Knows what the fuck is going on

Digging at the stitches because that was the plan for today…

I’ve been baptized by a monster
Suffocating and sending me below
Hell a home I know
Hell is all there ever was
Take me with you when you go
I miss you so
So, you’ve sown me shut
Existence sending me below
Only hell that I’ve known
Bored and ready to go
Take me back home
How I’ve missed it so
Praying before the darkness
Let me go, let me be free
From the chains, the suffering, and the need
Swaying to the sound of a heart beat
Drowning to the rhythm of experience
Suffering to the collected sound
Of this dream
All that I need
Is to be
All that I need
Is right in front of me
All that I need
Been within me all along
Hell a home that I know
Hell was all there ever was
I miss you so you’ve shown me

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

Well it is basically over… the end of summer on this half of the planet at least… did you do anything fun?… I’m sure where I live it will feel like summer for at least a few more months… so I still got plenty of time to feel miserable… still have plenty of time to get that “summer feeling” out of my system… whatever that means… Until we meet again… I hope that all is well…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Embrace the fall with a new sweater…
Help support your writers…
Or just get yourself something nice…

Is That A Funeral? Merch At TeeSpring


Lights Dimming But The Soul Is Still Burning… Broken Thoughts…

Watched as they all took me
Took away everything
Starved for attention
So the lies spread
Jealousy and rage
Contempt for one’s self
Promised you nothing
Took all that was left
Digging a deeper hole
A ditch I find myself in
The hate I can let go
No way I’ll ever win

I’d kill myself if my body would stop resisting…

Breaking my heart for your own collection
What was I but a thing
Didn’t matter so you threw me away
Begging for something that isn’t good for me
Living to watch me die
Staying so you can watch it all unfold
An audience made of only two lives
What is this
If not love

With a brain on fire I am amazed I get anything done…

Taking the distance traveled
Thought we’d be so far from here
Digging into the earth
Like it is the end of everything
Going nowhere like it was somewhere
Given the years that have passed
Thought I’d be so far from here
Stuck in time growing old
Like it was in some way ever going to change
Going nowhere like there was anywhere to go
Spinning in circles because there was no other way
In circles because we could
Gravity taking over with nowhere to go
The science of everything has a point
Wish I knew what it was

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

Something I just now noticed… even through the writing… editing… and reworking of everything this cycle… there is a whole hell of a lot of less fucks… no idea why that is… pretty odd for me… can’t say they would have helped in any of the stuff written so far… but it is odd none the less…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

The Lights Have All Gone Out… Broken Thoughts…

Taken out of context the words become
Something else other than what they mean
Taken from the wrong point of view
One could say I’m painting a fucked up portrait of you
One could say almost anything
What I say, how you take it
Reading too far beyond the page
Stirring your own pot
Of self hatred and regret
Your own burden buried in your head

Took it for all it was worth…

The lights have all gone out
In the darkness this will survives
These broken thoughts could never
Escape the mind
The lights have all gone out
But somehow this all survives

Dragged it out as long as I could…

Suffocating under your own worth
Think this is about you then
What have you done?
A question to question what’s going on
Taken out of context is all we have left
Something else other than
The words that have been said
Taken from the wrong point of view
Is all we have left in this world
Filling you up with self doubt
Taking each shot until there’s nothing left
Take your fucking soul
As long as I know that it will hurt

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

Well that was a fun trip down depression lane… the staff at Is That A Funeral?… wants me to talk more about my thoughts… well there you go… less is always more…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

We’ve Got Things For Sale…

Each Dollar Goes To Keeping The Dream Alive…

Help Feed The Monster Here...

Telling It Like It Is… Q&A…

That’s right it is time once again… to watch me drone on about nothing at all… get to know your favorite Broken Thoughts author… in three to four random questions… Shuffle the deck… let the Ungame begin…

Question 1: What Do You Want Be Doing In Ten Years?

Some sort of swash buckling adventurer… I think in a few years I want to turn this all around… become a pirate of the high seas… make Blackbeard look like nothing at all… there is a lake near by my house… Start there and conquer each one that I can get too… like a gang… but we only live on the water… also instead of selling drugs… killing people… or stealing things… we write books… talk about killing people… and distribute great ideas… really turn the whole idea of a pirate on it’s face… not sure I could get used to saying arrr… but I’m pretty good at adapting… I also suffer from motion sickness… but I think after ten years I could get used to that as well… haha… maybe in ten years I will only write stories about pirates… fuck it… why not?…

Question 2: Complete The Statement: “Words Can’t Describe How I Felt When…”

Words can’t describe how I felt when… I pulled this card…

Words can’t describe how I felt when… I took a shit in the middle of the street…

Words can’t describe how I felt when… I decided I no longer wanted to be a human but a cat…

Words can’t describe how I felt when… I took my first spoonful of maggots into my mouth just to see how it would taste… didn’t taste like you though…

Words can’t describe how I felt when… I discovered all the matted hair in my back yard… Am I werewolf… or do dogs just taste good?…

Words can’t describe how I felt when… I thought about all the things that I saw on that day… the bodies stacked high… towering walls of life set against the back drop of the sun… moaning and begging for it to end… the war was over before it even began… how could we take on something so deadly as this?.. How could we be expected to win against an evil as merciless as these monster?.. With no warning… with no signs… they came for us all…

Never give me a prompt…

Question 3: What Do You Like To Daydream About?

haha… of course I’d pull this one… that I could be someone other than myself… a king… a hit man… a lover… a survivor… a detective… a writer… but most of all… happy…

Question 4: If You Received $5,000 As A Gift- How Would You Spend It?

I feel like when this game came out $5,000 was a lot of money… if someone gave me that much money… I’d take a month off from work and write… spend the rest on a new laptop… or desktop… maybe get some of the props for videos that I want to shoot… get a nicer keyboard… research robotic implants that could help me fly… I really want to fly… basically I’d spend it all on this website and this dream…

Layne Ambrose

Keep the dream alive… taking donations in blood*… sweat*… and tears*… we prefer tears**… trying to stay young… vibrant… and beautiful after all… the spell book calls for any of the three… I am told we can also accept reviews… comments… and interest in any of the products linked below… but where is the fun in that?…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

*Amazon has no conversion chart for these forms of currencies at this time. Worth of such currencies are subject to change given supply and demand. Please filter all fluids before sending. Also allow two to three weeks for processing. Thank you for your patience. Is That A Funeral? Staff

** Please don’t farm your kids for tears… it seems tempting… but there are laws… I don’t want you to get in any sort of trouble… please collect tears responsibly… Layne Ambrose

Built Upon The Backs Of The Undead… Broken Thoughts…

Flashes of thoughts
Images in my head
Understood but then forgot
Could I get this feeling
Cut out of my brain
Write it down
Never the same
The feelings just
Come back
Again and again

You said something… Words resting inside my head…

Breaking bodies just to watch them bleed
Can you, can you reach me when
I’m so far away
Can you, can you save me when
I’m too far gone
Slitting throats just to watch them bleed
Can you, can you take me when
I’m so far away
Can you, can you please me when
I’m too far gone
Bleeding, driven, insane
Living, dying, gone away
Can you, can you help me when
There’s nothing left to save?

“They say we write about what we know. All I know is pain, discomfort, and a willingness to do it all again.”

Laying cold, been dead
Feel for a pulse but I can’t taste
Laying cold, a corpse from before
Looking for any signs of life
But I can’t see any heart inside
Laying cold, pieces scattered
Feel for movement but I can’t hear
Laying cold, what’s left
Looking for any signs of life
But I can’t see any soul inside
Been dead but I can’t taste
Signs of life but I can’t see any heart within
Pieces scattered but I can’t hear
What’s left without a soul within
Lying cold at my feet
Seems you’ve died to me

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

Went through a depression this cycle… not sure if that was obvious… scrapping the floor of my mind… with my face… seems to be the only way I know how to say anything… is that a pattern or consistency?… dwelling on that for a moment… and the moment is over… a pattern of consistency… no one ever said I was deep… but dense?… you can dwell on that for me…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

What’s That?…

Looks Like Is That A Funeral? Merch To Me…

Click The Link Here To Find Out…

Not Everything Is A Joke… But Maybe It Is… Broken Thoughts…

Just have to close your eyes and wait to die
A never ending nightmare laced with
A never ending existence contracted at birth
Digging through the past of it all
Built to last even if the mind doesn’t believe
The spirit locked someplace else in time
Just have to close your eyes and believe everything is alright
A never ending day laced with
A never ending need to die
Shuffling through all the times feeling like this
Made it through even when the mind didn’t believe
The soul is so much bigger than our immediate problems

There’s a woman who sleeps in my bed… I often wonder if she is alive or dead…

Stop searching for meaning
Sold my soul to a broken thought
Too long ago I gave away everything
These thoughts are all I left
Worthless sense of existence
You could never hate as much as I could
Distract myself but it always comes back
The feelings aren’t how I feel
Who I am
Acceptance they say is the first step
I give in, now what’s next
The silence is deadly inside my head
Broken put back together with glue
The cracks never go away
Waiting to fall once again
Always waiting for it all to fall apart
The only way I know how to live

Grinding out the days between then and now…

Chain smoking in the parking lot
You’ve probably past me
More times than you know
Keep going, there’s no saving
What’s already been gone
A mind destroyed
A soul let go
Think this is warning
Only the facts leaking out
Keep your distance
Pushed away and now everyone wants to know
Is everything okay
What do you think
On the edge
Pushing towards a ledge
Can I save you
Can I help throw you away

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

Not everything is a joke inside my head… hard to separate what is what though… I have a dark sense of humor… and I never laugh at the right time… before I take on a mountain of shit… first thought break is about my daughter… felt to creepy to say there is a girl who sleeps in my bed… and if you are a parent… that line will make more sense… or if you are crazy like me it will make more sense… it is basically this thought… fear… that your child isn’t breathing…

I can face most things in this world… but I’m not sure I could face that one… I can bullshit all day about how this is all for me… for my wife… for the world… but all of this and every day is about that little creature I call my daughter… so that is where that line comes from…

That last thought probably sounds like a call for help… but it is more of a reaction to my writing… and how people treat each other in person… there is a fine line between invasive and caring… we often don’t know if anything or everything is okay until it is too late… so there is that feeling flowing through that… slammed shut by the last line… we may miss signs that we should have or could have helped… but the big thing that we miss is actually how we treat others… the context is missing here…

I’m aware that I look like a monster… something to fear… but I can’t help the way that I was born… I didn’t choose this face and until this book career takes off… I’m stuck looking like this… but without any reason… people fear me and refuse to talk to me… even when I offer help… I get watched in stores… even though I’ve never stole anything and think the idea behind stealing anything would be worthless… but my beliefs aren’t tattooed to my skin… I’ve grown a thick skin… I understand why people react the way that they do… I’ve made peace with it since I was a child… but that last line… “Can I help throw you away.” stems from the fact that I am still human… I can still feel your dislike for me without any context… you didn’t even give me a change… we pass judgement with no thought at all… won’t change… the way we are… but it still hurts…

Those feelings are what I am talking about… they build up… you try to not let them… but I know they do… which brings me to the point that we only care until it is too late… we fail to see that our reactions… words… treatment of others… is what started this cycle… can’t say I’m not guilty of such actions… despite my past dealing with such feelings… I still go out of my way to make sure I treat everyone with respect… and yes… some people are just assholes…

A fun game I like to play is to be extra nice to those people… nothing hurts more than when you realize you are being an asshole for no reason… that look on their face is priceless… I like to do this to Cops… TSA agents… and customers… people with “Authority” because at the end of the day we are all just human… at the end of the day we are just trying to get to point A to B… no reason I have found that we can’t be decent about it…

With that… don’t forget to check out my books… drop a review… tell me I suck… that I am good… I know I’m not great… but every review helps… If you could help throw myself away… that would be awesome… haha…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Locked Inside My Own Head… Broken Thoughts…

So you said something
Didn’t happen again
What the hell am I to believe
My idea of you or the truth
Blinded by my own insecurities
How could anyone do this to you
Break you down
Place you and everything you could be
Into categories
Cutting you down until you fit
Their every need
Controlling everything from a distance
They can’t hear the words inside your head
How you felt what they meant

“Where do you draw the line between what is fiction and what is real?”
“Same as you draw any line. Pen to the paper and you just keep going. None of this is real. So very few things are real or the truth in this world. Images and thoughts or memories built up inside your head. Past actions nothing more than reflections of events you believed to have happen. Life is fiction.”
“Interesting way of looking at it.”
“How do you look at it?”

Digging a hole with your name on it
Call it a grave, call it a home
Call it all that you will know
Didn’t need all this need
Spoken in words that no one understands
Not a language but a tribal hatred from within
Burying was never the hardest part of this
Watching you die was only the beginning
Took long enough if you asked me
You couldn’t so you didn’t
Screaming at hollowed out bodies has taken a turn
These thoughts don’t go away
They only breed, manifest into different things

“Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between love and violence. Intentions and actions, but in the end the two things are never the same.”

Knew at some point we’d have to meet face to face
That all of this would come to a head
Baseball bat or a kiss what’s the difference
When you’re bleeding out
Needful things consuming me
Eating away at my core
Toss me away until I have something to say
Spinning in circles
Tires burning down to the ground
Rubber left marks like blood streaks on the pavement
The place of your death

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

Anyone enjoying these new title cards?

This piece was actually one whole thought… but it had too many themes to be a complete thought… the first thought break is actually from my forth coming novel… and the last thought break… is just a random thought I had at work… as most of these Broken Thoughts come from…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Something Kind Of Sad About… Broken Thoughts…

Finding my purpose has always been
More than I can afford
Finding reason in this world
Broken tranquility
Meaning obsolete
Stuck in this place in time
Working towards my purpose has always been
More than I can afford
Working towards reasons this world
Isn’t broken
Lost without meaning
Stuck only in a place in time
Trapped against the wall
Pushing back
Muscles want to resist
The urge to give in

Want and need are never the same thing…

Doors closing in my face
Taking advantage of a situation
Disassembling an instantaneous moment
Sound the alarm, fall through the bottom
I’d bury myself before I’d ever try
Pulled the lever and now I what
Want everyone to beg for forgiveness
Screwing with my own head
Each word means something different
Filtered through another voice
When you are dead
Will I only hear all the voices in my head
When I’m dead
Will I only relive all these thoughts buried within
Said I knew, turns out
No one could know what goes on inside
Of all of this

Tossed over the edge… lost and forgotten…

Opened up something else in me
Another door, a portal through the world
What’s the difference now for then
Talking in circles, trying to believe
Walking a thin line, trying to believe
In something more than me

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

Re worked a lot of these Broken Thoughts today… helps to have an outline of what one might want to say… even if that person isn’t entirely sure on the day what that is… most of my ideas take shape either right away… or the last second… still have so much work still left to do…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Is That A Funeral? Shop Up and Running…

Check It Out Here

Laid Out On The Black Top… Broken Thoughts…

Taking my time
Each step a lifetime
Was it worth the thought
To think anything would change
Taking my time
Trying to figure everything out
Missing steps as each day goes
How long is too long
Until we should let go
Taking my time
Each instance a lifetime
Was it worth the thought
To think these dreams meant anything

Stuck between where I am and where I don’t want to be…

Destroying everything was never difficult
Cutting out pieces of me
Ever God damn day
How much of me is even left
Repetition is key
Repetition is all I need
Replaying these thoughts in my head
Scream them enough in silence
They will become true
Enjoy the logic but the theory
Is too God damn much
For one soul to take
Dragging myself through each day
Swinging at an invisible enemy
Drowning myself with nothing to gain
Fucking hero and villain
No longer see the difference

Fuck… I miss drinking… but at least I don’t want to kill myself…

The words dig their way in
Fucking failure
Fucking useless
Fucking nothing
No one will ever be as cruel
As the voice in your head
The gashes were meant to free the words
Buried in my brain
Fucking pointless
Fucking stupid
Fucking selfish
No one will ever be as hateful
As the voice inside your head
The drugs were meant to free the words
Trapped in my head
Fucking lies
Fucking ideas
Fucking you
Straight into the ground
Buried six feet under all this shit
Stuck within this hell

Broken Thoughts
Layne Ambrose

That’s a fun feature… Maybe it is all the negativity… but I’m feeling pretty positive… got to love them up swings…

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Too Many Things Left To Do… Broken Thoughts…

Making my way
Paved and incomplete
Searching for answers
Without any clues
Working on getting free
Giving all my time away
Never as easy as they say
Cracked, open, free
Waiting out the end of the world
Making my way
Concentrating on the inconveniences
Digging up clues
Without any resolution

“The Lord only gives us as much as we can handle. Because you either kill yourself or handle it. It isn’t divine reasoning. It is common sense.”

Without you everything feels pointless
Standing here asking how
Laying here on the ground
Breathing was never the most important thing
Sleeping off this discussion
A moment longer and we could kill each other
Without everything seems so pointless
Sitting here wondering how
Hovering above the ground
Living was never the most important thing
Dying off this reason
A moment longer and maybe then I’d have known
The love I thought we lost
Spent too much time wondering
And not asking

“I wish it would rain. Shit on everyone’s parade.”

Can’t get these thoughts out of my head
Here’s to another lifetime of this
Speaking in riddles, tongues tied to not say
How I truly feel about all of this
Thoughts come crashing back in
A drink is more than what I need
And all that I want
Just need something to set me straight
Not forever but for a time
Locked in this skin
Is not good for anyone, let alone me
I’ll bring you the fire if you supply the water
Drowning out, snuffing out all my desires
Anything to not let me be me

Merch… Threadless… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter