Something Different

I Will Find You

I can feel everything come pouring out
A long suicide letter to myself
Stretched out, I’m destroyed
Broken shell leaking out all that is left
If only I had known
If only I was told
Could I have changed my ways
Would I have not succumbed to my fate
I can feel all that there ever was
A long memory of everything
Each thought stabbing to get out
I lost it all
Lost everything I didn’t know
I could lose
My soul is so tormented
By the thought
Digging my own grave
How deep will I dig
How sad must I keep myself
When is it that this all began
At birth
At death
Somewhere in between
The thought haunts me
The thought consumes everything
A long suicide letter to myself
In the end everything left inside
If I could, would I change at all
I thought I knew what I
I thought I understood
What I wanted all along
Gave into the pressure
Drowned by the wave
Ride it all out into the
Into the undertow
Ride it all out into
My grave

Long Before

The blood it drips as it falls
The life fails as it goes on
The end is near
Though it has been all along
The difference between life and death
Is a heartbeat
The soul fades as it goes
The death grows as it goes
The end is near
Though it has been all along
The difference between life and death
Is a heartbeat
The difference between life and death
Is a heartbeat
A heartbeat that no longer seems to feel
Destroy the will and what became left
Soulless but who really knows before it is too late
The difference between life and death
Is nothing more than a heartbeat
The difference between me and you
Is nothing more than a heartbeat
The loneliness, the sadness, the happiness
Is nothing more than a heartbeat away
The heartbeats from within my chest
The life flows from out my wrist
The end is near but it was there long before

Mountain of Questions

The white picket fences have been torn down
From the post to the ground
It all lays flat all around
The existence of dreams proves
There is something more to you and me
The clothes have all but came off
From our heads to our toes
They lay flat on the floor
The fact that we aren’t disgusted yet proves
There is something more to you and me
The marriage is all but gone
Divorce tore everything
Right the fuck out the ground
The anger between us proves
There is so much more to you and me

They say fire lead to life
Then what did love bring to the picture
Some could guess but the true answer is death
We pretend it’s funny because it is
You know it’s sad
But it’s true
If you hold your breath than maybe
That dizzy, sickness feeling won’t go away
Walk it off the pain subsides after
A while if you know anything about bottles
You’ll know they don’t leave any answers
Only a mountain of questions

And Other Things From This Time Preview

Survival Instinct

I can smell the new smell of death
Disgusting, digesting, fermenting
Or is it the smell of day old oil
I’m unsure as unclassified as one can be
I break into the vault only to find that it’s all gone
Nothing is ever what it seems
Yet I sit and sit waiting for something new
Each day a tiny, little bit of a disappointment
I forgot what it means to say
I forgot what it’s called
But I’m sick of waiting

I can hear a voice calling my name
Obnoxious, horrid, abstentious
Or is it someone screaming for help
I’m unsure as uncommunicable as one can be
I walked into the wrong area only to find that they had all moved on
Everything is always what it seems
Each minute a tiny, little bit of disappointment
I forgot what it means to see
I forgot what it was that I saw
But I’m sick of always wondering

I can see a figure in the distance
Disfigured, distracting, dismembered
Or is it only me from the shadows
I’m unsure as unbelievable as that could be
I destroyed every mirror only to learn there was never an image
Nothing is ever what it seems
Each second a tiny, little bit of a disappointment
I forgot what it means to be
I forgot what it was that I heard
But I’m sick of never knowing

Will Know

Dancing through the darkness
Hands and feet in the air
Car wrecked left vacant
With little despair
You blame me, I blame them
Who are they
Strangers once now equals
I thought I knew myself
Thought all things were all there
Bits and pieces
Scrapped from the road
Can’t get it all
But the vultures will know
Picking and scratching at the meat
Of my mind
Had I only wished it was me
That has died

Yeah, But What is He Trying to Say?

The table sticks to the page
But the words are falling right off
Maybe I never had it at all
Maybe it was all just a lie built up in my head
Reality is nothing more than what we pretend to portray
Liars, little liars we are
Pretending to know when really we don’t know at all
Is any of this really English or is it all made up?
I don’t know you tell me in your own made up language
The words dictate the feel of everything it really means
Sentence and structure makes no sense
When you hold everything up to a lens
But we over analyze everything anyways
The answer is fuck you encase you missed the point
Your coloring book must be filled up
If you really think I care
By the way Hitler wants his mannerisms back
Because he said they are over played
Yeah I can be witty and mean at the same time
Welcome to the conversation, not that your opinion
Matters at this point

And Other Things From This Time Preview

Emotionally Stressed

I’m so sick of these feelings
This need to please everyone
When I know damn well it’s not good enough
Putting myself out on a daily basis
Backing my ass up and begging for the pain
Gambling on not winning at all
Why can’t everyone see that it’s all useless like me
Maybe they do or maybe they’re just too stupid to let go
Oh I forgot how immature I can seem
A constant reminder from the ones that have never even spoke to me
Cuts on my fingers make me as dumb as them
Must be in the water we drink and not in the way we think
Bleeding for a chance to say go fuck yourself
There’s nothing here except heart ache
And yet here I stay torturing my soul
A shitty romance of blood and bone
I am the source of all my pain
Directly fucking myself day after day
If giving up was so easy then why hasn’t it worked already
I blame my mother for reasons I don’t know…

Faithless

I have no faith in anyone who doesn’t have faith in me
Revolutionary I know, I had a dream once
Then woke up to reality
Subconscious thinking doesn’t mean anything
The world works on some other sort of level
Inherently fucked and grateful for the chance
It would be best if there is no God
How anyone could follow someone who abandoned them
Is beyond me, had a vision now I’m on another level
Invested in broken thoughts everything makes sense
Crossandra’s look great on your porch
Even better on your grave, a location we can’t avoid
Our ignorance rules our lives
So sick of justifying thoughts that should be common sense
The worlds not listening so maybe I should shut the fuck up
Where’s the fun in that
A constant stream of thought that means nothing at all

Bad Ideas

Sick in the head a thought of thoughtlessness
Broken English and broken bones
What does it mean to never belong
Shatter proof glass with a crack
Coming undone when there was never a whole
The beginning is the end that was the beginning to begin with
Hate everything about this world
Love most of all is a wasted emotion
Reciprocation is a one way thought
Springing up all over the place
A virus without a host
Goes on living for reasons unknown
There’s no end to the pain held within
The idea that any of this ever meant anything
Theory lost on the weak
Push ahead to live the dream
Trade everything for a moment of understanding (sleep)
Questions left unanswered left in the past
As they need to be
Forging ahead on bad ideas