Getting to Know You Better…

Welcome to week three of The Ungame… This week’s question is throwing back to fun… as opposed to last week’s more serious question… 

 

This week’s question… What Talent Do You Wish You Had?

 

I’m pretty sure Ward and Lemons could guess this answer because we all joke about it all the time…I wish I had any talent for music… I’d play a fucking oboe if I could… I’ve loved music… ever since I was young… long tirade about my love for music can be found here every Sunday… (Lemonade and Glass)… the point is before I started writing… well that’s a lie… I actually started writing first… but I was writing mostly lyrics to songs in my head… by that I mean through my headphones because that is the problem… I don’t hear music in my head… I can play one good beat on the drums.. but honestly, I think we all have a beat that runs through us… it is just that some of us have more than one… that’s me… one beat pony… that wants to be the unicorn with a taped on horn… 

I started by trying to learn the bass… because no parent wants drums in their house… even me… haha… eventually at fifteen I convinced my mother to let me get a drum set… I played… and played… that same god damn beat until even I couldn’t take it…  I would try other beats… but somehow, I just kept playing the same god damn beat over and over again… I’m really good at that beat… around this time I was really into Nine Inch Nails… I like that they used a lot of samples… this appealed to me because I could never find anyone that wanted to make the music I wanted too… even this I couldn’t pull off…

In a lot of ways… I folded a lot of my musical aspirations into writing… Drinking Bleach… is from this whole concept album I had about a band… The Last Great Band… is based on the band I wanted to create… this offensive, genre mashing,  goth, punk, death metal band, and whatever… all of that fell through… turns out you can’t have a band without music… I was always more about the image… the idea… creating the characters in the band… see where I am going with this… took me a long ass time to see that it wasn’t the music I had a talent at… it was everything else… so that’s where I am now… wishing I was a drummer in the last great band… and digging out words buried in my head… 

 

cropped-website-logo.jpg

Can’t wait to hear about your repressed talent… don’t forget to drop a comment… I know it is much easier to just talk to the screen like I do… see you on Friday… for more words I’ve found lying around… 

Threadless

Amazon

 

The Ungame… Turn 2…

For those unfamiliar with The Ungame… well this might be awkward… 

 

This week’s question… What does America mean to you?

First a side note… because of course… This was actually the first question that I saw when I opened the box… thought it was a little heavy for week one… but week two why not?…

Good old America… as some of you may know… I grew up outside of the United States… so my opinion will vary drastically or it won’t… to me America was always this place I was from… but I didn’t understand… a land of contradictions… a land of freedoms and a fuck ton of restrictions on them… on the flip side of all of that… my mother’s job for most of my life was to protect those freedoms… 

To me, America is a land of opportunity… I like to believe that anyone… can come here and do whatever they dream… a hazy childlike approach to our great country I know… how much of it is true?… very little… more so than other countries… sure… growing up from the outside… I don’t believe that we are the greatest country… or the worst… I also don’t believe there is any country that is the “greatest”… some are different… some have better things… some shit is exactly the same… nationalism is important to a certain degree… I witnessed that first hand when I went to China…

What I saw there… shaped my view of America… what I saw for the first time… was so different… so extreme… selling this way harder than I need too… When I was in China (2006)… the last night I believe… our tour group went to a fancy restaurant in Beijing… to try some type of duck… I was young… the moments weren’t all important… as we passed the locals and were led to this large second room full of foreigners each at their own large table… Germans… Koreans… Australians… Norwegians… Japanese… other’s I imagine… the room was packed… the room was loud… so many languages at once…

The Americans… were led to our table… we took our seats… some of us whispering to each other… could barely hear the person next to me… as she complained that she wasn’t going to eat the duck because of the bird flu… ignorance… but she was older… had a lot left to live for… I guess… we all do in a sense… as we sat there in silence… it became obvious that the other groups weren’t just talking loudly… they were singing… laughing… drinking in their own culture in a faraway land… while our table tried to not stare at one another… I’m as guilty as the rest… I didn’t say much beyond thank you when my food arrived… What would we even say to each other?… What do we have in common?…  

I was surrounded by strangers… at the table… around it… in the building… even though it felt odd… it also felt very normal… America is a melting pot… we take the best of all the cultures around us… but we never learned to actually unite those ideas… we visit them… dip our toes in… but we don’t understand them… our cities… our states… are segregated to a point… much of it has to do with money… but it also has to do with culture… sure anyone can move to any part of town they want too… but just like I knew to not speak at that table… we know where we should be and where we shouldn’t… Too bad the government never figured that out… Land of contradictions as I said… 

 

cropped-website-logo.jpg

It’s A Funny Story… Even If It Isn’t…

Trying something new… Imagine that… I haven’t written anything new outside of poetry and the new story I am working on… Sadly that isn’t for the website… Redoing my next book… well kind of… I had this whole theme I was running through the whole book… I didn’t like it… not the story, but the theme… or the idea… shit happens… so I am overhauling a few things… and none of this matters… 

Recently I have decided that I’m really into boardgame boards… it is for an art project that I have locked in my head… so I went to my local Goodwill… and picked up any that I found interesting… one of them happened to be the Match Game… or so I thought… what I actually got was some came from the 70’s called The Ungame… yeah I had never heard of it either… more about the history of the game here… well the point of the game is to start a conversation or get you talking… the concept is just lame enough that I am in love with it… so at least once a week… I will be posting a question from the game… there are a fuck ton of questions… I will give my answer and then it is your turn… yeah… we are going to play a little game… 

Chewing On Glass Logo

This Week’s Question

What activity do you engage in that involves all of you: your mind, your body, and your soul?

(Softball question I know… It’s the first week…) The most obvious answer for me is writing… I put everything into this… my books… and my projects… so I’m not going to waste your time telling you something you could have guessed…So I am going to have to go with the thing that takes more of me than writing… My daughter… 

Mind… my daughter tests me every day with her three million questions about the same thing… or when she says… “I show you… I show you”… when she wants me to hear her sing… as I am trying to put out a grill fire… life be damned… stop and look at me… or when I have to hear Twinkle Twinkle Litte Star one more damn time… when all I want to do is listen to my favorite song… 

Body… whether she is digging her tiny little feet into me like I don’t exist… or swinging her arms at me like a crazed mad woman when she doesn’t want to leave the park… making me look like a kidnapper or awful person… or screaming into my ear to the point that it rings… because why not… “You’re so funny”… No, I’m so deaf now… 

Soul… because I would give her mine without a second thought… even if it was to add only one more second to hers.. she is one wild crazy ass child… but every moment with her is worth whatever it cost… I don’t think the meaning of life is to create life… but I do believe that she has become my purpose in this world…

 

Can’t wait to hear your answer to the question… Even if it is writing… what are you working on?… Until it is my turn again… check out my wares at AmazonThreadless… 

 

Broken Thoughts

Gunshots in the distance
Another life robbed of its innocence
Plagued by those around me
Fear that maybe were too similar
For existence
Said you’d exist but did we ever
Bleeding thoughts from your mind
Symptoms so familiar
As if I read it off the back of a piece of paper
Think you know what’s wrong with everyday
Breaking down the thoughts to prove how wrong
I like your ideas, so smart of you
So sad just how sad all of this makes us
Like sawing off a limb for no reason at all
Sure we have our reasons but do we
Time has taught us so much about nothing at all
Where to be when we aren’t needed
Where in the day we’ve started staring at the floor
Who could have known time would have ever been
So important to what we know
Do onto others as they do to you
Only works if you are doing the right thing
But who is right? When we are all wrong?
Think you own me, have no idea what that entails
Are you really ready to take control?
Didn’t think so, so go ahead and let go
Let me know when you’re ready to destroy
Tell me when you know
How horrible it is to grow old
Desolate, destination unknown
Feel your hands gripping my soul
So go ahead and let go
Let it all go, slave to a system that enslaved you
Nothing more than a fascist statement
Carbon copy of those around you
You’re rebelling against what you don’t even know
So different yet all the same
Fit into something, bring me the leader
Hydra with so many heads
The masters never intended for any of this
To survive
Nothing has ever been built to last

cropped-website-logo.jpg

Would seem that these thoughts fall into the political realm… oddly they were written about my job… so not quite as epic in scope… but if you put your life under the microscope you may find that the things happening on a world scale… are also happening right there in front of you… the consequences aren’t as dire as a nuclear blast… but that doesn’t mean it can’t hurt as much as one… think about it… pain is subjective to how you feel… not what someone else can take… we like to compare someone else’s pain to our own… they aren’t comparable… relatable?… sure… do others have it worse?… always… doesn’t down grade your suffering though… as comforting it may be to think about…

If you want to help others… you have to help yourself first… In New York… and possibly other places… we have this theory… saying… whatever… about people falling on ice… Never catch them… Stop them… Let them fall… it sounds awful… what piece of shit person sees someone falling and does nothing?… But there is a reason… can’t help someone if you both are in need of help… who will help the two of you?…

It is things like that… that makes me miss the cold… the bitter truth of life… the honesty of trying to survive… something lost in translation depending on where you live… Same goes for pain… hurt… suffering… no one knows exactly how you feel… that’s what this line means to me… “Let it all go, slave to a system that enslaved you,”… it is me rationalizing that my bosses aren’t just assholes… (though they may be… never rule anything out…) but rather they are suffering just like me… a different way… sure… everyone is only trying to survive… I double down on this idea with this line… “Fit into something, bring me the leader”… This idea that you are in charge is a false idea… there are so few of us on the planet who are actually in charge of our lives… and it isn’t even the ones that you think… those of us that fit into society… locked into in… lack the necessary means to be in control of our lives…

That is what we trade for structure… we trade fear… suffering for peace of mind… but someone forgot to mention… these things can’t be traded… given away… they evolve like a virus… becoming stronger over nothing… we become plagued by these fear that we thought we left… that we forget the point of life is to live… that winning isn’t the mansion… the fast car… the nice clothes… but breathing another day… an idea that is lost in translation… uncomparable between different parts of the earth… some of us have it easier… but better?… what is better?… 

There are things to get angry about and things to just brush aside… the problem with the world isn’t that we are all wrong… it is that we are not focused… “Hydra with so many heads”… No battle is ever won by throwing everything you have at once… it takes focus… no one can truly understand what is going on by trying to figure it all out at once… 

 

 

Laughing In the Face of Darkness

There is a story I’m always trying to tell
It doesn’t have a beginning, middle, but it does have an end
It is long, some might say endless
A story I can never seem to get straight
Give it all I got, in the end, it never makes any sense
Wish you could see my thoughts as they see me
My hopes and dream is that maybe one day
You can feel what it is like to be me
Bleed thoughts onto the page, inhale words to live another day
If only it was all for something
Wonder if I would have more to say
Living life in reverse is no way to live
Search for the middle without anywhere to begin
Another day wasted, I’m wasting away
How much more of this shit am I willing to take
Standing still, standing right here as I always have
Had no other options so what choice did I have
Feel as though I have said this all before
Staring Into the Screen
Hollowed out valley, acting as a megaphone
What’s the best way to get banned from Twitter?
Saying how you really feel even if for a second
Don’t be silly, popularity has always counted
Being an asshole has always been second nature
To getting to the top
All of this has rules, follow them if you want to be
Left behind, mixed signals waving me in
Always at home waiting for me
A coffin built, paid off in blood
No one builds anything just with their hands, any more
Sandcastle made out of ashes, inhale, exhale
The poison doing its work
Have more in common than I thought
Excessive and over the limit
I present you with the evidence
The answer to the question

Don’t give a fuck about the flowers
Don’t give a fuck about the bees
Don’t give a fuck about you
And I definitely don’t give a fuck about me

I’m just fucking with you all
Silly girls shouldn’t play with guns
Broken hearts are for your children
The ones left dead in the dumpsters
Too sick to get the rest out of my head
What was it I was beginning to say
Something about wishing you away
These thoughts they come and go
Though they always seem to stay in place
Big boys don’t cry they tear your heart out
Broken psyches are pointless after forty-five

Bathed in blood I could use a hug
From the person, I used to be

cropped-website-logo.jpg

You’d think after two hundred of these things… I would have something to just cut and paste… or copy and paste if you’re nasty… or if you are like me… too lazy to hit backspace… feeling at odds with myself… not lost… not standing in place… only going with the random thoughts in my head… This post didn’t end where I thought it would… satisfied none the less… turning the lights on and off… haunted with the madness coursing through my veins… sometimes it works… and sometimes it doesn’t… I guess that’s the point of going off the deep in… 

AmazonThreadless… if you don’t already know… these are the places I house my soul… 

Lemonade and Glass: It’s Been A Minute…

First Post From Some Point In Time…

Calypso by Spiderbait (Lemons)

Okay… I am starting to see a trend in what makes me like songs…

The mix of sweet and then rock in this song just shoots straight through to my goth, glitter-encrusted heart.

This Aussie band is the tits. Most of their songs are so different, if you didn’t know, you wouldn’t think they were the same fucking band…

They are a real dot point of my teenage years. 90s angst and pastel prettiness and grunge dribbling through the cracks. That is why this is here. Nineties represent!

I car scream the shit out of this song… But I think my fav is the first time the rock punches through your speakers. “Outside. All around me. Really sleazy. Then it hits me. … Don’t tell me. You can’t see. What it means to me. Me me…”

Yeah!

An Ado to No One by The Smashing Pumpkins (Glass)

I love the title right out the gate… It could be the title of my autobiography… that or… Who the Fuck Wrote This?… or Could I Get A Fucking Minute?… I’m not the biggest Pumpkins fan… I forgot I even added this song to the playlist… that is how far behind I am on this project… the music on Pumpkin tracks is almost always amazing… In all honesty, I have no problem with any of their music or lyrics but, there is only so much of Billy Corgan’s voice I can take… haha… “Destroy the mind, destroy the body, but you can not destroy the heart”… “I don’t need your love to disconnect”…

Emerald by The Tea Party (Lemons)

Let’s take it down a notch after all the pop-punk and slide right into some nice warm tea… party? Bad joke? Soz.

I can’t tell if I genuinely love this song because it is a good song or if it is just all the feels of sentimentality. The first time I heard this song was on a mix tape made for me by first real BF. He made me listen to it before I could take it home, rewinding it to just the right part. Stop start stop start… lol… goodness me…

It has this 80s-movie/Labyrinth-soundtrack kinda vibe to it that just tickles my nostalgia bone.

The Tea Party are my Moby Dick.

They are one of my fav bands but I have never really seen them live… something always happens to foil my plans. I say “really” because technically I saw part of their set at a festival. I missed most of the set and the rest of the set was drowned out by my oncoming sunstroke. And no, I was not drunk… I have a very strict, no alcohol at concerts rule. WTF is the point of paying money to have a hazy, drunken memory if being trapped in a moshpit… fuck all that. Plus, I do not understand why all the good festivals in Aus are put on in the Summer??? 

Back to the song, Lemons…

I always had this image (from back when I was 13) that this song was about a rescue. A woman in a bad situation and her knight in shining armor coming to take her away from all the bad things. “Just be still my emerald. I’ll be waiting for you. Do exactly what you’re told. I’ll be waiting for you” This chorus is also my car scream, coupled with “Did you always want to be. Did they try to steal your soul? Did they hurt you with deceit? Can’t you come in from the cold? Be still my emerald. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Ghost Head by O’Death (Glass)

This is a newer track that I am obsessed with… “That’s what my bloody hands said”… I love the horror style lyrics… the dark folk music… and the singer’s voice… it reminds me of Neil Young…. “That’s what my bloody hands said”… this is a track I normally listen to as I walk into work… as I prepare my mind and body for the bullshit that it be going through for the next few hours… “Go like the ghost head, Go like the ghost head”…. I walk through the building… look at each sad sunken face… wonder why it is that I show up to this place every day?… Ready to run and here I am… that’s what the track reminds me of… someone ready to run from a murder or their life… Ready to go anywhere but this place…  

(Lol I totes read it all… smiling… you’re funny.)

So What by Metallica (Lemons)

If you don’t like vulgarity … then you wouldn’t be reading our blogs lmfao … but seriously, this song is drenched in vulgarity. 

I went through a massive Metallica phase. Like… huge. I’m talking, paid to be in their fan club, had posters on the walls when I was an adult… I was convinced I would one day leave my partner at the time to go marry James Hetfield. Like… obsession, obsession.

I grew out of the idea of marry Mr. Hetfield but not out of my love for Metallica. I may not have posters on my walls anymore, but I still listen to them a lot.

This is the song I skip as quickly as possible if my kids are in the car… It is the song that I turn up when they are not in the car. I put the windows down to for maximum offense. So, take this as a warning…

Well, Everybody is Fucking in a U.F.O. by Rob Zombie (Glass)

What can I say about Rob Zombie?… Hellbilly Deluxe was one of the first albums that I asked for… fuck I was 11… I started early into music… Before that, I was listening to a lot of Prodigy and Nirvana… still, do… I saw the video for Dragula and fell head over heels… Rob Zombie videos were my first introduction to B films and horror films… and I could watch them… This track isn’t from that album… it is from his latest album and I picked this track because it is the best song he has had in years… It reminds me of old Rob Zombie but it still sounds new… “I’m going to get my twenty bucks and vacation in Japan”… My favorite Rob Zombie track is actually a White Zombie track More Human Than a Human… The Blade Runner reference is… is the best… I enjoy Zombie’s lyrics because he is a human blender… taking things from here and here and this is how I feel… it works… for me at least…  

 

This was well past due… I’m out of excuses for living… work wants my soul and I’m more than willing to give it up… parting with things has always been easy for me… more so if I don’t care… going to try to work harder at getting these out… a lie but I’m trying damn it… usually, I wouldn’t give a fuck, but I feel bad because it isn’t just me working on this… if it wasn’t for Lemons I would probably abandon the whole thing and be lazy… so big thanks to Lemons… for putting up with me… and being the driving force for me to get off my ass… even if I am late on everything… haha… 

Bahahahahahahaha, Layney, you are totes adorbs. The truth of the truth is we both have major life shit happening. We ALL have major life shit happening and doing creative things like this both difficult and necessary. We need an outlet and music is the perfect outlet. Hopefully, we will get better at bringing these out. Mr. Glass is not to blame. We are both a little shitty at getting our arses into gear, which is why it is good because we can understand each other, and I am sure all you peeps understand as well.

KISSES!

 

Broken Thoughts

It’s hard to think of the world as though it is not infinite or that I’m not important. To make the distinction that there is the world and there is me. More often than not we think that if we die that is it. End of the line, end of the world. But this is untrue and I know it. Yet, it is hard for me to comprehend at times. I still plan and plot my actions as though the whole world depends on them, but it doesn’t and I don’t.
Confliction of thought
Dismissal of war
We go at each other as if there is nothing left
Destroy what isn’t yours, hearts
Destroy everything we think you care for, homes
Destroy ourselves in the process
Not the thought
Driving against the weak
Grinding it out without a second thought
Do you ever feel like you are at the end of a relationship and you are only riding it out until the end? You don’t know what to do or what to say. Staying silent seems to be the only way. Even though you know it is wrong. Been stuck there for days, weeks, years, I don’t know anymore.
How is it that some people can get away with so much shit
Yet I need a saddle so they can ride me into the ground
I’m so sick of this place
So sick of being here
An insane asylum with big red letters
Bleeding out, slowly bleeding off
They want so much, yet nothing at all
I can’t let go of all my thoughts
Big or small they all run on
How is it that some people can just move on with so much shit
Yet I have to carry it all the way to the grave
I’m so sick of this identity
So sick of being me
Nothing is ever enough and they’ll take it all

cropped-website-logo.jpg

Mixed bag of thoughts this week… patched together set of emotions… letting the words breathe… letting the words do the talking this week…

Checking in on what I have been up to… AmazonThreadless