Something Different

Breakdown

Working towards something
Pushing myself to the edge
The brink of everything that’s real
The point at which I am dead
Keeps digging, the mind wants more
Keep reliving, the memories I deserve
Stains on broken glass
Visions left without words
Bring to life everything that I fear
Bring the innocent to their knees
Beg for forgiveness though no reason why
I belong to everything, now that is a lie
Working the words into something
Something ugly, the way that I feel
I’m sure by now you can tell
I don’t care about you and how you feel

With Our Ideas On Fire

Broken visions of a better day
Longing fears of something real
A daily grind with a cross to bare
I think I know what it means
I think I’d be wrong
Following in footsteps made of glass
Drowned with air made of poison
A daily grind with our knives on display
I think I know what it means
I think in some way I’d be wrong
Forgiving misgivings yet to happen
Sympathetic to reasons already written
A daily grind with a knotted noose
To be you, to be me
I think I’d be wrong
In assuming I’d have any idea at all

 

 

Broken Thoughts

Another shitty night bleeds into another subconscious day
Locked into nothing at all, fight to stay awake
Breaking bones to stay in the game with no goal
If only I had known the rules might not have tried at all
Gave it away for nothing at all, Giving it away
A cause and effect of a generation gone by
The words change but they always mean the same thing
Killing the weak to prove I’m strong for no reason at all
Another shitty week produces yet another worthless year
Feel the time pass without doing anything in between the seconds
Fighting with myself, against myself for reasons unknown
The rules were etched in stone, lost in time
Dictating how we live or not at all
The words make no sense but always mean the same thing

“Lost and Walking in Place Become Adolescent, Immature”

Gave up on my dreams to settle for anything
Wrong turn or in the process
What’s the difference if you aren’t willing to try
Sitting in the dark amongst the shadows
A homeless mind with too many responsibilities
Clutching to all the broken dreams
A shattered reality pieced together
This was to be my only way out
Now I’m searching for a reason
To not end it all
Suicide used to be the fuel
Now it is only the fire
Burning myself alive for what
Sacrificing myself to an unholy satisfaction
Give in is to die but I’ve been dead for so long
Retrospective and digging at the past
Need an answer and no religion isn’t it
Faith in anything isn’t cutting it anymore
Need someone to have faith in me
Though what I need always seems to be the wrong thing
Drug against the grain, maybe I have gone insane

Not cold enough to snow, Cold enough to realize I can die
Think it is forever, life is a short amount of time
Lasting forever is an immortal thought left to the damned
Heaven is a lost idea of freedom, Heaven is nothing more than a tool
Conditions will not improve until we improve them
Always waiting for someone, someone to fix the problem
Our own salvation lost in the lazy complications we create
Bleed for your freedom, stop believing in imaginary things
Die for the things you want, Do you still want them for the threat
The threat of losing it all is it worth it for nothing at all
Heaven is a place on earth, Hell sowed right beside it
Choices are made with or without your consent
Decide which side you stand on

 

Broken Thoughts

This could  carry me into next week
The thought that maybe any of this matters
Bleeding to know that there is still life
A loneliness has bred an isolation
Chasing down an unrealistic dream
A quest to become God to a desolate planet
There is no end to an unapologetic beginning
Kill the man, the idea lives on stronger than before
Fucking useless apocalyptic dream
Too busy to hold on to every thought
Slipping away into a dark messiah complex

Who knew the answers were meaningless
An asshole with a small dick complex
It swings without hitting nothing
The words pile up onto the piles of shit
Pick the one that suits the moment at hand
Fuck, I hate every minute yet can’t turn away
A burned down cigarette pressed against your teeth
Forgot how to live, still meaningless to me
A sentiment that time couldn’t erase
Putting thoughts and feeling to the grinder
Bleeding the poison out through the skin
Over dramatic for no fucking reason at all
Spoke to you once about pain
An idea left on the back burner for too long
Chewing on glass to feel anything thing
Sedation was as much fun as it could have ever been
A raping of the mind that needs to be said
Passing it off as original and unique
Same shit that’s always begin said

A constant shift of the same idea nailed down
Who is on the cross now?
Switched him out when no one was looking
Didn’t matter as long as someone was in pain
Praying to a God that doesn’t understand
Is like asking your dog for the rent
A concept they will never understand
Not everything means the same thing to someone else
Misguided words left on the graves of the damned
Searching for something more when you are already dead
The point is, I’m just like you
The reasons had nothing to do with us
Broken before we even got here

Violent imagery plays in my head
A scene of dying and everyone ends up dead
Nightmares become reality an escape in the end
Bugs dancing to music that does not exist
Only to end up swimming in the drink resting in my hand
To pick them out would be a waste of time
Bodies made of carbon same as mine
Burnt the fuck out

 

Same Shit Only in Reverse

Time Within Time

If I say it enough will it come true
Self-full filling prophecy made up of dreams
Been looking in a mirror saying it over and over
And yet the image doesn’t change
Still the same asshole as yesterday
Hopes and prayers are for our children
Praying and kneeling are the same things
Neither is ever enough in the end
Always left wanting more
Dying in my knees or laying on my back
Always taking something I can’t swallow
The pills stop working yet still digesting
Overdosing on the hopes this pain could ever go away
I want more than the blood could ever sustain
An endless parade marching through the dark
Hollowed out lies that can no longer maintain
The truth of why anyone has to feel this way
Giving it a minute hasn’t produced any evidence
That any part of anything is worth it

Inside the Vain

Does it ever really end
The nightmare that began
Over and over, repeating in sin
Repeating in secret
Not sure where this begins
Surely know how it should end
The sadness is deafening
A silence upheld by those passing moments
Encircle me to stay within
Breaching walls made of flesh
All hail the everlasting gaze
Missing the joy that is death
Find the fun only to go insane
Malice and spite, live in fear
Of all the thoughts surrounding me
Opinions become weapons, our hands useless
Fear the walking dead
Fear what became and what it is
To understand

Broken Thoughts (Vulgar)

What is evolution if not a theory
An unbroken chain of stupidity
Weak ruling the strong
Telling them what’s right and how they’re wrong
My boss is an asshole yet I smile and nod
Who’s the dumb one after all?

Disconnecting the Infection

The parking lot crowd is hopeless and useless
Their constant sarcasm has turned into complaints
An overabundance of alcohol left them impotent and lame
Funny how things turned out this way
No sense of belonging has left them with fear
The purpose wasted on ideas of next year
Information too fast their brains too slow
Hard to join a cause they don’t understand
Consuming at an abundant rate
Ingesting their very fate
A cancer on the soul,  A cancer on the society as a whole
Waving their judgmental assholes in the air as they go
You don’t fucking own what you do not control
Control such a passive idea, brainwashing, dipped in bleach
Could I ever been clean enough for you
A god is a thing, God be damned to follow the same rules
Cast aside your broken needs for only a second
Fuck it, forgot who I was talking to all along
A silent crowd with everything to say
Broken down reality consumes us all
A fiery embrace made of hate and truth
Not the same, often treated as such
I’d trade every one of you for a machine
Never said I wasn’t the monster
A part of the problem
Locked away in the vast openness
A sour thought to think any of this will mean anything
A fucking wall and my head
Solving the problems of the world for you

My thoughts bleed from open wounds
Cracked open holes stripped of innocence
Days gone, disappear with the time I’ve lost
Gave more than I regret to admit
At the time I thought it was worth it
Uneducated by educated ideas of unrealistic expectations
The world could have been made in a day
Lie flat with half a sphere for a top
The point is it doesn’t matter
The lies don’t have to make sense
They only have to work
Stupidity doesn’t care much for truth
The similes are similar in truth
Doesn’t matter shut the fuck up
Going home has never been as easy as before

Who knew I could be so ugly after all

Broken Thoughts

Always standing and watching
Participation is only an option
Waiting through the darkness
Copying, pasting thoughts and ideas
My thoughts have never been
Mine and Mine alone

Generations of bending and shaping
A never ending conclusion of thought

Walking this as slow as I can
The rush to die wasted on the youth
Thoughts of immortality disappear with every year
To be trapped in this old casket
Would be hell
The sands of time will only weigh me down from here
Giving in was never an option
It was always the plan

Away From Me
Your words don’t inspire me
They dig, carve out a place within my soul
A den of deceit, lies, beauty to unfold
They consume, swallow me whole
Every instance of instinct
Every truth of existence
Proves my point as it grows
The thoughts burn up inside me
I’m burning down slowly
Ashes given back to the earth
Lonely, depressed maybe this is what I deserve
A life wasted on dreams, on the absurd
The more I want it the further it seems
What is it that I want so badly in these dreams?
The fire must rage, fuel to the flame
Even if it is slowly killing me all the same
What do I have left
Ashes, condemned to my last breath

So sick of being me
Lost all religion
Lost everything when you cried
Dragging myself through this hell
No longer recognize what I’ve become
It’s a long road traveled or not
Feel the pain of a thousand worlds
Carry with me every word ever said
Brain won’t shut up
Movies playing in my head
Every thing that could have been
Memories of you faded in the background
How I wish I could
Change any of this
Once spoken, said forever
Only one way to end it all
Only one word that means anything

Separate skin from bone
Shaving off the fat left behind
Drinking the blood of Christ to let go
Was there the moment he died so long ago
Endless in time, the moments tick by
How I wish I could only go home

Broken Up Thoughts – Child Like

Things have changed. I have changed yet I am still stuck between child and adult. Gridlocked between wanting to be my own person and doing what I’m told. I’m so depressed I just feel like giving up. Child like thoughts still laced within my mind. The thoughts, the train of thought too hard to shake. The ideas burning through my mind. What’s the point in fighting if you can’t win? My life is descending into a lost cause. A hopeless excuses to wake up every morning. The slope gets steeper and steeper each day as more and more shit piles up at the top. If only I could Hide under a rock and never come out. A grave of despair. Disappear in a way that I’m still alive, but no one would even know I’m here. If only I could, I would. So sick of this and so sick of that. An endless wave of adolescent thoughts in an adult body. Need to grow up, but when and how?

We give it up
We give it all up in blood
Until we are nothing
Never enough for some or no one at all
We turn it over
We turn it over with our souls
Until we have nothing left
Never enough for most or anyone at all
We work it all
We work it all with our lives
Until it is all we are
Never enough so we come back for more

I was forced into a room full of strangers. Eight hours straight of waiting in line, on a plane, and yet another chair. Only to be placed in a place I did not know with people I don’t know. I was so lost I didn’t know what to do. Disappeared into the air. It didn’t take long before I started drinking like there was no tomorrow, and many nights I wished for the words to be true. I didn’t know what to do. I was done. Felt like a child in this adult body. Parents are entrusting in the idea that you will always be their child. They will always want you to act as one no matter what your age. I think it has to do with a self-conscious need to also feel young. To feel as though yes I am an adult, but my children are still kids so I’m not that old. Farthest from the truth. At some point the child too has to become an adult. An equal to both his or her parents and their peers. With adult needs and adult demands, and yes it is hard to let go. But is has to be done. My mother refuses to as I imagine most mothers do. It creates a conflict of interests for my generation and the last. Trapped between nothing and something. Act like an adult, but you are still a child. A sense of identity is hard to accomplish under the watch full eyes of our parents. A problem propelled by the increase of age. Life expectancy is tearing down the fabric of our society. As a child of this generation and a human being I can’t say whether I’m for or against it. I can’t lie and say I don’t need the help. At the same time I don’t want it. Feel trapped within my own skin. Ungrateful for not wanting to give in.

Wearing myself thin, dead skin mask
Stretched so tight, who am I supposed to be
If I can’t be you
Envision myself to be better
Lies I tell myself to get by
Broken boned and everything I despise
Two more days and I’ll be okay
Keep telling myself the same old shit
Hasn’t worked yet, what’s the meaning of insanity
Beating my head against the wall
Soon all the thoughts will flow out
Soon all that is wrong will be right again
Long drawn out thoughts
With no meaning at all