Broken Thoughts… Got A Lot Of Things Going On In My Brain…

Processing the idea of such a
Peaceful existence
The calm before the storm
Trepidation fills me
As I inhale
Slowly walking down a path
There never was no turning back
A false promise promised at birth
The lie I have always lived
Being a better person
Is more than just believing
Sacrifice everything only to end up
With nothing in the end
What was ever the point?
Why would you ever try to be anything?
Feel as though I’ve missed the point of everything

Ashes in a tray…

The flickering light mocks me
The darkness seems so much more
Appealing than the light
This depression is sown into my bones
The sadness grows with every breath
Taking this was never the problem
Only a symptom of being me
With no reason I push on
Ungrateful to be so grateful
Judging by the judgement
The sympathy of the times

I’m left feeling so incomplete…

The late nights got me thinking
Maybe there’s more to this stupid thing
A feeling wrapped in a trap
Broken and forever forsaken
The life I’ve created got me thinking
Maybe there is more out there
A failing thought in a concussion
Fractured and forever suffering
The isolation has gotten me thinking
Maybe there’s more to this stupid thing
A sinking feeling trapped within
Simplistic and forever repeating

There are no innocent when we are all deemed guilty…

Breaking through the ice
So thick
A sledge hammer of sound
Sledge hammer of pain
No one ever asked me
I’ve just always wanted the escape
Freedom never meant much
Until it was taken away
Chipping away at the restraints
A freak without a sound
Freaking out without the pain
Told me everything would be okay
Why have you always felt the need
To lie to me

Tried to hit every base with this one… nothing ever really shuts off in here… it is annoying but what else am I going to do?… bored today… did some yard work… still bored… did some writing… obviously… still bored… play some video games?… probably be bored… could read but I don’t feel like doing anything… riding out the day until it is over… if I never make it… it won’t be because of anyone around me… not motivated enough today… that’s more depressing than the depression… rambling on else where…

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Cut Me Up… I Am The End Of All Things To Come…

Losing My Mind

In the darkness I hide
Waiting for you to free me
Hidden deep within
I’ve always been me
The surface a mask
An asshole within
Tearing apart every part
That makes me, me
Strangling the only thing
That is good in me
Watching the world burn
Is all I ever wanted
Greatest fear strangling me
Lost in my own worlds
Confusion sets in
Dragging my scythe
Through the darkness that is my mind
I have always wondered
But I knew all along
I am death and this is what I deserve
A secret held deep within
Passion to see the other side
Purity that will never make sense
Dragging myself through this life
Lost my fucking mind
At this point can’t tell the difference
Stream of fucking consciences
What is real when all is a lie
Chew the fucking glass
That we were all meant to digest

Never Enough I Need More

This isn’t my first
Won’t be the last
Welcoming death as it comes
Welcoming everything
This isn’t
What I set out to be
A place I was pushed to
Time has a way of taking everything
Dying each day
Pushing to make it something else
A disease buried deep within
The alcohol brings out the best in me
I’m not a hero, a saint
A fucking leach
Suck you dry
Take everything I need
Lie to myself
To make everything you’ve done
Make sense
That’s the part I hide
A victim to my own pain
Killing myself was never the plan
All I have left
How could I be so weak
How could I accept such abuse
The worlds a lie
When all I ever believed
Lied to me
Living on borrowed time
I don’t know where to go from here
When everything I believed is a lie
Sitting in my own shit
I wish I was dead
Too strong to do it
Too weak to see any other excuse
Suffering as each day comes
A secret buried in my skin
Can you see when I lie
On the surface all along
Tell me what to do
Because I don’t know what to do anymore

Slipping into a darkness I don’t understand… where does this world go… when it was never meant to be?… where does any of this end when it keeps on going?… debt… love… life… it all keeps going… the truth unknown to anyone… all answers a lie… choking… open my eyes… your hands around my neck… this is all for nothing… this life doesn’t mean anything… and yet… I crave… I want to go on living this dream… that is all it is a dream… in a awakened mind… none of it matters… but all of it seems too…

It all seems to matter in the scheme of all things… I think of space and it’s endlessness… I think of all of the people who have abandoned me… I think of so many things… and here I stand… what the fuck does any of this mean?… what is a world full of darkness?… but endless… tortured and I am the master of all things… what the fuck is wrong with me?… fucking human is all I will ever be… raising a glass to the nothing at all…

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Inspired By….

The Devil Within

Tearing through my flesh
Can’t tell what is left
Dead or alive
Fucking kill it
Doesn’t matter anymore
Screaming in the dark
Take me with you
Drown within a dream, a nightmare
Suffocating
The scars were never meant to be seen
Cracking
Hating all of this
A life I thought I had to live
Destroying everything
Smashed against my skin
I have and always will
Drown myself from within
Thought you knew me
Didn’t know shit
A decision I have to fucking live with
Smile, because this was always for you
Turning over in my grave
Even in death I couldn’t sleep
Fuck me, all the same
Keep on living just to be me
Closing my eyes
I knew there would never be peace
Smiling even as a dead man in a grave
Home is where my heart has always been
A tomb, a grave, everything I need it to be
Miss the way things used to be
Isolation was only a thought that I bothered
Give you even more
If you could show me what it is I truly need
A hug from the one I adore
Wasted too much time
On selfish needs
Punish me some more
Give me all that I deserve

This free write brought to you by… The Stories In Between… if you like it… you can thank him… if you hate it… well you can blame me… either way check out his blog… website… his writing…

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Broken Thoughts… Just Got To Move On… Best Of Luck…

Driven under, fighting for a breath
I’m drowning and I don’t know what for
A prayer for the sinner
Living in your sin
Useless words laid down on paper
Talking to myself, preaching to the stupid
Driven under, holding myself down
I know the problem and I have no solution
A prayer for the sinner
Living with this sin
I’m killing myself and I don’t know what for
Has it really always been for you?

 

The world is shit
Deal with it

 

Getting lost in the words
Getting lost in the why
Wandering, don’t have to go far
To find reasons to die
Worlds full of them
Reasons to live, they are hard to find
Hope you like a mystery
What is it that I’m thinking about today
A puzzle, getting caught up in all of this
Getting lost in the words
Getting lost in the why
Same place I was before

 

Drinking harder than I’d like to admit
Catching up to the darkness inside
A piece of me I’d love to hide, on display

 

Standing next to a burning dumpster fire
Called it my heart once now it’s only filled with shit
Thoughts of you, me, how it should be
Fucking lies I’ve told myself to get by
And now I’ve told you everything
Everything to make you stay
The ship already set sail
Waving to me from the shore
You smile but I know what it means
Saying good bye was always the hardest part for me

 

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Well that was a depressing post… afraid the next few will be much of the same… I haven’t written much of anything… if at all in the last month… and everything before that… well it was pretty dark… dark as it gets I would say… Maybe I’ll drain my soul… maybe I’ll just hold onto all the hurt… chewing on the glass that has been my pain as of lately… taking it slow because for the first time in a long time… I don’t really know… what it is that I’m trying to say… 

 

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Taking It For A Test Ride… Part 2

Welcome to Taking It For a Test Ride Part 2… (Temporary title… I’ll come up with something more ridicules later…)… Part 1 can be found here… (Link)… or you could just look at yesterday’s post… not judging your laziness… Pretty sure I’m going to forget to even add the link… Hell I was on the fence on whether or not I would even do this post… So lets jump into it before I wander off into the woods and find something shiny or something dead to play with… 

 

Movie Review 2

Hotel Artemis

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Spoilers Ahead

 

Where to begin with this shit show… Yet another film I have watched recently where the actors are amazing… the world built is fascinating… and yet none of it really matters… Personally I’m pretty sure someone watched John Wick and said, “Hey, I can do that.”… Well as it turns out they couldn’t… John Wick wasn’t and isn’t perfect… what that film is though is original for the most part… Don’t get me wrong… this film doesn’t just rip the face off of John Wick and then spread it out evenly between a collection of characters…

Okay… maybe it does a little bit… A lot of this film is spent showing how this world’s Los Angeles is and what it has become… a gangster ridden shit box without any water… basically people are pissed… and if anyone knows the history of LA… when they get pissed shit goes down… None of which is really that important to our characters because… well they are bad ass killers, thieves, assholes, and all around menaces to society… so people having or not having water… people rioting in the streets for their right to clean water… don’t mean shit to these miscreants… What it does mean though… for you as the viewer… is that all of this will be taking place in… you guessed it… Hotel Artemis

Honestly not a bad setup to why we can’t go outside… Problem being… I feel like the real issues… what we should really be concerned with is outside of the hotel for assholes… But that could probably be because the world… our world is really heading that way… then again fuck’em… water isn’t a basic human right… it’s not like we need it to survive… so lets spend the next 94 minutes figuring out what the fuck these assholes are up too…

They aren’t up to much… because the Hotel Artemis isn’t really a hotel… It is more of a criminal hospital… with lots of rules… rules that must be followed… or you die… do you understand?… Good… because we are going to break most of them… even a really big… maybe the most important one… Don’t let a cop into the den of deceit… and for no real reason at all we fucking do it… well there is a reason… this wasn’t really all that poorly written… but they really did follow the method of… “Oh, this would be really awesome”… “Shit I’m in a hole”… “How do I get out of this?”… “Oh, this would be really awesome”… wash… rinse… and repeat… But they did it pretty well until they couldn’t… and that my friends is called the end…

I got side tracked there… point is they attempted to build a world that was pretty interesting… they tried to build a place where all of these cool characters could come together… and they barely pulled it off… I wouldn’t say it was a complete waste of my time… afterwards maybe… only because I had the same thought the creator did right after seeing John Wick… “Hey, I can do that.”… but then laziness kicked in… said ah fuck it… and added my ideas to the ever-growing pile of shit I like to call my notes… 

Enough with the negatives… let’s get ankles deep in the positives about this film… The makeup on Jodie Foster was impressive… to the point where I was like there is no fucking way she is that old… turns out she isn’t… great job there… Sterling K. Brown did an amazing job… though a lot of this I feel was just his overall nature of being cool, calm, and a collected bad ass… he is also the main character and in an interesting twist one of the most informed characters about this world…

(For the non-writers… usually the main character has no idea what the fuck is going on… because they are you… the audience… there for we are experiencing this story together for the first time… learning, growing, and expanding our horizons beyond what we thought was or could be… “You mean to tell me I am a Wizard and that there is a whole Wizarding world I didn’t know existed?. Please tell me more.”… that’s at least a year’s worth of college… you’re welcome… Also yes, you are Harry Potter… and that is why if you actually read the books… you too have come to the conclusion that the movies suck… because they aren’t like you or the ways you imagined that world to be… and if you thought they were awesome?… stop lying to yourself… they were shit cash grabs…) 

Back to where I was… Brown does a great job… Not as great as he does on American Crime Story… but great none the less… Charlie Day also does a great job… only because for once he isn’t playing himself in a comedy role… rather he is playing himself in a “dramatic” one… this may sound like an insult… or that I am shitting on him in some way… but actually I am not… massive Charlie Day fan… would watch him in anything.. and I have… and I have enjoyed all of his performances… Always Sunny For Life… As far as everyone else… they were all interesting… they were all awesome… as someone who is really into movies and wasting their life on this crap… I always love when someone I recognize pops up… “Oh shit, they are in this”… comes up a lot when I watch movies and I love that… 

Overall Score

Hard fucking pass… another case of this trailer is awesome… what else is out there?… If you find this on Netflix… someone else paid for it… or you just got sick of burning your money and thought, “Hey, I don’t actually have to light it on fire all the time to have the same effect” … Then I say check it out… There are things to like… but not enough to love…

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I’m pretty sure anyone who was asking for a sequel to Marry Poppins is either dead or dying… what is this the 60’s?… This film is about five decades too late…

There are actually people out there who could use the money…and the help… Instead of blowing it on the making of this film… I’ve got a sequel for you… Mary Pippins Actually Helps Somebody… it’s a documentary… throw in some songs about scoring crack under a bridge called… This Medicine Don’t Go Down So Smooth… everybody has a great time… it’s a family film… a feel good film about how shitty the world is… we laugh… we cry… we wait five decades and see the actual impact of our kindness… I even have the tagline… “Who the fuck is Mary Poppins?”… it could be amazing… 

Been A Minute… Taking It For A Test Drive… Part 1…

(Preface) Forewarning… this might get weird… 

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Movie Review Time…

A couple of post ago… (I should insert the post link here… but I’m not sure which one it was… yeah I’m lazy…) I talked about a few up coming movies I wanted to see… well… fun fact I have seen some of them since then… I’m going to do my best to be civil and not a complete asshole… (I will end up being one of these)… with that said… this is what I know…

  1. I know that everyone who worked on these films gave it their all… every last blood sweat and tear… 
  2. I over explain every thing…
  3. This is all going to be opinion and shouldn’t stop you from seeing either one of these movies if you still want too… 

Actual Movie Review Time…

(Spoilers ahead)

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First up we have Bad Times At The El Royale… and what a fucking bad time it was… I was really looking forward to this movie… and maybe I hyped it up in my head… maybe I saw the cast list and thought… can’t fuck this up… well sadly I was so very wrong…

The movie spends a fuck ton of time building up this world in which it takes place… the real world… 1969 … but a world where all these characters come together at the El Royale… a once swinging place where the rich and famous once came to enjoy the best parts of an excessive life… sex… drugs… and the rat pack… the El Royale has fallen on bad times since then… no longer a place any respectable person should be seen checking out… 

The only redeeming part of this film is the cast and the characters they play… each one is fascinating in their own right… which for one character that we follow through a cringe worthy… suspense riddle… sadly played too well existence… was completely pointless and a giant negative to the over all film… the character that I am speaking of is an F.B.I. agent played by Jon Hamm… unless I blacked out at some point while watching this… (Totally possible… a lot of pacing issues…) I still have no idea why I needed to follow this character for longer than five minutes… or why I should even give a shit that he is sad about not seeing his son… or why he is even there at all… other than to die… yeah you are asked to invest an overall interest in this character and what the hell he is doing for no reason at all… other than he dies… even if you aren’t as soulless as me… pretty sure you’ll feel nothing when it happens too… 

And guess what?… that sums each and every character… all the way through the 141 minute run time… leaving you feeling hollow and confused by the end of this film… not because this film is so deep that you didn’t get something… but because there is nothing to get… that you wasted all this time… for nothing…

Sadly… there was so much that could have been loved in this film… the setting… the characters… the overall idea… it would have made one hell of a short film… or even a novel… could have expanded on a lot of things… things a novel would have given you time to digest… and set up an actual ending… not so much in a visual sense… because I wouldn’t sit through a longer version of this… I could easily see though loving this movie had they cut out some of the back story around theses characters… I might have been left wanting to know more about them… rather than being left wondering why I ever cared about any of them in the first place… or why this man has to look so damn good all the time… 

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Final Grade

A waste of fucking time… watch the trailer… and wonder what could have been…

 

 

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Part 2 hopefully coming tomorrow… where I shit on a whole other movie… look forward to that… If you are into TV series and have access to Netflix… Happy! is worth checking out… much better than the comic… unfair though considering the comic series was only four issues… shows great… you should check it out… 

In other actual exciting news… this is my 300th post… which is pretty crazy… didn’t think I would even get to 10… and here I am… I want to thank every one of you for reading… I know things have been sporadic and weird the last few months… wish I could say that the next few won’t be… but honestly were is the fun in that?… crazy train keeps on rolling… and I thank you none the less… 

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That Last Awkward Clap at the End of An Applause

Hanging Me By The Knees

Too broken to process any new thoughts
Need to move out and build an ark
A sign from God came in
It said a paragraph worth of shit
Basically I fucked this up a long time ago
Riding this one out until the end
Maybe, maybe if I’m lucky
They will only hang me by the knees
Using my head as a pinata full of disease
Question then becomes
Would I even know the difference?
The answer seems so obvious because it is
What anyone would give to not feel like me
What I’d do to not be me doesn’t seem all that bad
Another sign from God came in today
Said quit your bitching and do something already
Obviously I’m paraphrasing

 

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Still bumming around… working on things here and there… spending time with family… working at my other job… boring stuff… up to my neck in a Zelda addiction I didn’t know I had… Breath of the Wild is really good… okay it is great… and yes… I am a year behind all the praise and hype… basically I’m that last awkward clap at the end of an applause… should have been the title of this post… and now it is… 

Hope all is well…

Ambrose

(Click the links for more information… See what I did there?…)

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